From the random email humor file:

I shall seek and find you …

I shall take you to bed and control you …

I will make you ache, shake and sweat until you grunt and groan …

I will make you beg for mercy …

I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I leave …

And you will be weak for days …

All my love …

–The Flu

I’ve been just sick enough lately (not flu, Jupiter be praised!) to find this really funny.