“…Your Broomstick Has Stains On It”
The alternatively-religioned among you (and heck, anybody else with a sense of humor) will enjoy Lilith’s “You know you’re a horny Pagan if…” list, complete with a lovely photo illustration starring the author:
You Know You’re A Horny Pagan If…
… your magick wand vibrates
… your candles are spherical and come in sets of 2
… your magickal oils are flavored
… you think all magick is sex magic
… your altar has silk sheets
… your chalice is fur-lined (think about it)
… your altar candles are anatomically correct
… your binding rituals involve handcuffs
… your magic wands have French ticklers on the ends
… your High Priest/ess wears a leather mask
… the wax from your candles ends up on your nipples
… you consider KY Jelly an altar tool
… your chants contain phrases like “Oh my God/dess!”, “I’m coming!”, or “You’re gonna stick that where?!”
… you’re skyclad all the time
… your broomstick has stains on it
… the white stuff on your altar candles isn’t wax
… your book of shadows includes the Kama Sutra
… you have a cigarette after every ritual
… your ceremonial/ritual candles are studded
… your ritual robes look like a French Maid costume
… you’re reading from “Everything you ever wanted to know about Paganism but…”
… your ritual music is sung by Madonna
… you find yourself using a phallic symbol to call down the gods several times a night
… you ask a Satanist if you can just “borrow” a
sacrificial animal fist
… you start having “cyber” rituals
… you keep having to charge the batteries in
your wand
… you have Fertility Rites a couple times a
week, and twice on Sabbats
… you automatically kneel every time your High Priest/ess comes in the room
Similar Sex Blogging:
Shorter URL for sharing: http://www.erosblog.com/?p=656
WOW!!! According to my statistics engine, 700 people viewed my naked ass yesterday! Thank you for the link, Bacchus–you rock! :-)
:lol: My good works are complete! Lilith, you’re welcome. And thank you, for injecting that extra little bit of beauty into the days of at least 700 people.
Actually funny you mention the bit with broomsticks having stains on them. From my anthropology friends who are interested in pagan practices, the whole concept of “witches riding broomsticks” came from them using them like dildos. The idea comes from the use of a commonly acquired household item to apply magical ointments and such to an obvious mucus membrane. This may have had hallucinogenic components as well. I hope that my grammar and spelling didn’t turn out too strange, but I thought it’d be a neat tidbit to add here.