Maybe it goes without saying, but for those of you who didn’t pay attention in science class, don’t simultaneously touch the terminals of a fully charged nine volt battery directly to the actual metal washer surfaces for any length of time, or a short circuit will develop, which could heat up the washer to frying pan temperatures. …same goes for any metal piercings she may have. Nipples burnt to a crisp aren’t very sexy. Not even “with fava beans and a nice chianti”….

I know Erosblog readers are generally pretty hip, but if you don’t know what the term “safeword” means, just don’t even try any of this at home, and if you use a gag, give her a ring of keys to shake if things get too intense…

I love people’s innovative bondage-on-a-budget devices.

Another easy way is to pick up a fender washer from the hardware store that has a center hole the size of your lady’s nipple, and an outer diameter larger than the opening in the end of your vacuum cleaner hose. If your vacuum is unusually strong, you’ll want to start off with one with a power slide control that you can turn it down a bit with. Use common sense, or if your washer-hole is too small, she may be wearing the washers ’til her nipple’s fall off…

Yet another good way to stiffen nipples is with a nine-volt battery. Moisten the nipple first with some saliva, so you get good conductivity. When the nipple hardens up like a pencil eraser (after a few seconds), remove the battery immediately, or she’ll scream obscenities into your ear as she removes your head, and you’ll no longer see her as the sweet submissive that you thought she was.

This method will leave the nipples stiff for a long time, and you can ring them with a rubber O-ring from the hardware store. Get a variety of sizes, and you’ll probably want at least two of each. Unless you’re both fond of gangrenous nipples, don’t leave them on too long, without removing them for a while, to get some blood circulation. O-rings are pretty cheap, but if you’re really trying to cut back on expenses, some small rubber hosing will make fine tiny rubber bands if sliced with a sharp new single-edged razor blade.

Expect a little soreness for DAYS afterwards with the battery method. One thing for certain, she’ll be thinking about you for many days. Hopefully, good thoughts if you gave her some orgasms to go along with the pain…

Ice is another way to stiffen the nipples. There was a rumor that the girls on “Friends” rubbed ice cubes on their nipples just before shooting each scene during the height of the show’s popularity. I always assumed it was an urban myth, until I noticed how extremely prominent they were on several episodes. I can’t readily find pics of “Monica’s” nipples (though I saw them), or of “Phoebe’s”, but the net abounds with pics of “Rachel’s”:

http://friends-aniston-ep-guide.blogspot.com/
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_iBsPGa2XoOI/SB8rkXz4lCI/AAAAAAAAB6g/xhvyp9g-EdE/s400/nipples.jpg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ynn5mpU5kuw
http://www.chacha.com/question/why-are-jennifer-anistons-nipples-always-hard-during-episodes-of-friends

Wikipedia confirms that each cast member’s salaries rose from $22,500 per episode, to one million dollars per episode, over the life of the series. Hell, for $1,000,000 a week, I’d rub ice on my own nipples for a hour four times a month.

I always suspected she used the battery method. It lasts longer and there’s no wet spot.