Comments on: Sex And Effort (Or: Men Are Stupid)

By: Redbaron666

Redbaron666 — Mon, 04 Feb 2008 04:01:27 +0000

ESC “what’s the old saying?
No wife ever killed her husband while he was doing the dishes (or something like that)”

So no wife ever neglected or harmed her husband as long as she could get something out of him, wow, sounds like a great basis for a relationship

By: Bacchus

Bacchus — Mon, 20 Jun 2005 13:01:00 +0000

…which is what I was trying to get at (in one breezy sentence fragment) when I wrote “I think Robert here may be lacking in sympathy for men who didn’t choose quite so wisely as he did in the marital sweepstakes”.

By: anun

anun — Mon, 20 Jun 2005 13:00:00 +0000

I read these stories on your blogs, and frankly you may as well be living on Mars, so distant are your experiences from mine. That my wife would blow me simply for making dinner is beyond comprehension (though not beyond my imagination). It’s just not something she likes to do. There might be ten minutes total throughout the year that my penis is in contact with her toungue.

I’m not hating on you guys at all. But like Bacchus said, some of you won the marital lottery and found a woman that cares as much about sex as you do. But a lot of us have wives with diminshed libidos, either due to emotional or physical issues. And that we don’t have sex more than 3 times a month has nothing to do with how we treat them. It has very little to do with us at all.

By: Karl Elvis

Karl Elvis — Mon, 20 Jun 2005 12:43:00 +0000

I had a long, elaborate response written for this, and somehow nuked it. Hell, it was getting long enough to be a blog entry anyway.

But I think this is a case of talking about two different things under the same topic. Robert is basically talking about giving more to get more, a basic tenet of relationships. He’s saying, you give it up, you get it back, and you know, in healthy relationships, a-fucking-men.

Anon is talking about something else. He’s talking about a truly dysfunctional situation, where one partner’s needs or issues or restrictions come to completely define a relationship. The antithesis of healthy relationship. Robert makes a glib generalization - ‘these guys are too stupid.’ And maybe he knows these guys well enough to make that assessment. But you know, maybe there’s a whole lot more to that story, and maybe these guys live in a hell Robert could never understand.

By: Freya

Freya — Mon, 20 Jun 2005 11:39:00 +0000

Anon - no, I think Robert’s attitude is “if it’s broken, try and look to see if you’ve had a part in it and fix it”

I think he has compassion - for his partner.

We all do things that mess up our relationships, hell, I did last night actually and now I will have to deal with that and try and make it right. That’s not me saying “all you women suck because I own my shit” that’s me saying, “own your shit or lose your relationhip” - the difference is vast.

By: Mike

Mike — Mon, 20 Jun 2005 07:27:00 +0000

I agree Robert could have been much more supportive. He could have pointed out that it’s perfectly normal for sex to disappear towards the end of a relationship - it’s just nature’s way of making sure the offspring are at least old enough to be mobile when things break down.

By: SD

SD — Sun, 19 Jun 2005 10:24:00 +0000

I certainly agree with his sentiment. There’s nothing more appealing than knowing that your partner appreciates you and takes those extra steps to show you. In most cases, his scenario would guarantee some lovin’.

But I can also see anon’s point. I used to be the woman he’s describing. My partner could wash every stitch of clothes in the house, sweep, mop, scrub the windows, cook dinner, set out candles and flowers… the whole nine and it wouldn’t have mattered because sexually I just wasn’t interested in him. Most men under those circumstances would quit trying. Luckily my partner is a very undertsanding and forgiving man so we’re back in the saddle (so to speak) again. But for some couples, it doesn’t always work that way.

W.S. Cross… your suggestion is interesting and just might have some merit ;)

By: anon

anon — Sun, 19 Jun 2005 10:05:00 +0000

All I’m saying is it’s really hard to judge these guys without knowing a whole lot of stuff about their relationship that they’re probably not sharing. I know if I had a pal like this Robert guy who’s attitude seems to be “Hey, I got mine, if you can’t get yours, you’re an idiot”, I might not feel like sharing some of the more sensitive parts of my marital situation. (Fortunately for me personally, I have friends who I can share with.)

ESC, you’re definitely right. Staying up all night on a computer is not a way of dealing with rejection. But sometimes that rejection can go so far and become so pathological that yeah, the computer becomes an escape. There’s nothing wrong with escape, if you’ve done your best to face the problem head-on and not made any progress.

This Robert guys attitude is “hey, I bought my wife a bottle of wine and a present and I got sex before and after dinner, so if you can’t do that, you’re a moron.” Which makes me think that he’s naive about the kinds of things that can go wrong in relationships that can kill sex for good. Bottle of wine and a gift? Puhleaze.

W.S., it’s really nice that you have a willing partner and a healthy sex-positive relationship. You should feel fortunate. Not everybody does, and for those who don’t, it’s not always because they’re uncaring neanderthal idiots.

Life is complicated. Sex lives doubly so. Have some fucking compassion.

By: W. S. Cross

W. S. Cross — Sun, 19 Jun 2005 09:42:00 +0000

You’d think that we’d never gone through the Sexual Revolution or the Women’s Movement.

If you want to get, you have to give. These guys deserve to have their wives leave them for other women. :D

By: ESC

ESC — Sun, 19 Jun 2005 08:58:00 +0000

anon - staying up all night on a computer is NOT a way of “dealing” with rejection. It is a way of AVOIDING dealing with it.

what’s the old saying?
No wife ever killed her husband while he was doing the dishes (or something like that)

I think I’m going to forward Robert’s advice to a couple of friends…AND my boyfriend. Never hurts to lay some groundwork for the future ;)