October 14th, 2005 -- by Bacchus
If You’re Not With Us, You’re Against Us
As a followup to the popular Ass Fuck Conspiracy post, let me share some prefatory material from a brief male-written anal sex guide I just stumbled across:
Alright, so you’ve finally worked up the nerve to ask the question to the woman you’re seeing. Would she like to have anal sex? She looks at you with a grim look on her face and flatly says “No way.” Foolishly you ask her why, thinking that somehow you’ll be able to convince her otherwise. “I tried it once before with another guy. It just hurt too much. I never want to do that again.”
That’s the guy I hate. The guy who ruins anal sex for women for the rest of their lives because they have no clue what they’re doing.
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Shorter URL for sharing: http://www.erosblog.com/?p=1068
Shorter URL for sharing: http://www.erosblog.com/?p=1068
I dated that guy. Surprise anal isn’t fun. But with enough warning, and lube, it is. Oh yes, it is.
FFS Lube and more lube…. it’s damn fun, when you’ve had all the fun to be had.
a man i once loved very much talked me into it eventually by telling me how much he longed to be in every part of me. then he proceeded to force his way in like a freight train. it took years and a very considerate lover for me to reopen (in a manner of speaking) to the possibility. it’s still not my first preference, but i can’t deny that it is intensely erotic.
Aside from the issue of misguided first attempts that “ruin” women:
For some women, anal just doesn’t appeal to them at all. I’m still surprised by the number of guys who are convinced that women will like anal if it’s “done right.” Just a friendly reminder: if it doesn’t sound appealing to her at all, don’t keep asking! I cut one guy loose because he kept trying to coax me into it, like I would change my mind the more he asked. It doesn’t work that way, even if I HAD thought anal sex was a little appealing.
It’s frequently a matter of size. Not every woman or man likes being stretched that much.
Now, what’s interesting is how many men who’d like to have anal sex with a woman are totaly freaked out by the idea of the women strapping one one and going at thier ass.
Hell, a lot of men are freaked out even by the thought of a finger going up there, but still love anal sex.
It’s a power=penetration thing, and also about a fear of enjoying making you gay. How many guys out there want “every hole” for some sort of ownership/power kick?
Thank you, Janey, for leting people know that “no thanks, I’m not interested” dosen’t mean you haven’t met the right ass-fucker yet, and if you do, you’ll love it.
janey – indeed, if it doesn’t appeal at all, suggesting that it will suddenly with someone else is kind of like suggesting that if only that woman had a good male lover she wouldn’t be a lesbian any more…
having said that, i actually think there is also likely some truth in the idea of “the guy who ruins anal sex for women for the rest of their lives” because it implies that at some point they were interested enough to try, then tried it and decided they didn’t like it. but, you know, maybe it’s like brussel sprouts, you decide you’re going to try them, unfortunately you try them when someone has boiled them to the point of grey mush, so you think you hate brussel sprouts. but someone else makes them in a way where they aren’t overcooked and they have just a dash of vinegar and butter, and you decide you’ll taste them again, just to see. and lo and behold, you like them, in fact, they taste like a whole different vegetable. except, so many people just decide they hate brussel sprouts and never try them again, which is fine, it’s their perogative, but it doesn’t mean they wouldn’t enjoy them if they tried it. and, if they had them cooked properly to begin with they may have loved them all along. which means, the person who cooked brussel sprouts for them the first time possibly ruined brussel sprouts for them for the rest of their life.
how’s that for a strange analogy? ;)
You know, I did that (ruin anal sex) for one girl I was dating. This even after I’d handled it really well with my previous girlfriends. I just was impatient about it the one time and of course I never got the chance to make up for it.
I love anal sex. Maybe the reason is that I initiated it the first time at the age of 17. Regardless of my fondness for it, I can’t imagine being forced into it.
I’ve been with men who were so well endowed, I couldn’t believe I was able to actually fit those massive (not kidding here) members into that seemingly tiny orifice.
But, when I was uncomfortable with a man for any reason, a finger inserted into my rear felt like barbed wire wrapped around a tree trunk. An oak.
It all comes down to relaxation, good lube, and a patient partner. I love the faintly submissive mind-set I indulge in when doing it. It’s a release from the need to be in full control of my life.
I’ve met men who were totally off-put by my suggestion we indulge in anal sex, and wonder if it has to do with a vague phobia that ANYTHING having to do with anal activities would lead them down a pink primrose path.
Poor boys. They have no idea of what they’re missing. :P
Roxie
Gah! Been there. My first intro to anal sex was a date rape :-(. Luckily, I don’t give up easily on anything related to sex :-)…
It took me years to try it again, and that time it was an accident (!). Guy I was with had such a blinding migraine on our first night together (he didn’t want to fess up at the time), that he went the “wrong” way, and didn’t even notice it! I liked him a lot, and decided to grin and bear it, and you know, after a first little bit, it felt pretty good… (No, he wasn’t pretending – the whole comedy of errors was explained a few weeks later… and later yet, we ended up married for over 10 years. Not that kind of guy.)
A word of advice to guys – anal sex is much more fun when everyone is relaxed, and that rosy afterglow of a great orgasm is just the thing to relax a lady. Even talking about it at the time when everyone is relaxed and feels safe may give you more hope of nudging that dial from “@!**** no way” to “um… maybe”… So get your fingers and other assorted parts wagging *before* you act out “barbarians are at the gate” bit, and the happy ending for everyone is a little closer.
If your partner is unwilling, you might want to try exploring anal play from your end, so to speak :-). It would give her a chance to become familiar with what to expect, and how to relax into it, by your example. And hey, if you’re willing to let her do it to you (besides all the pleasure there is to be had), she just might decide to ask for her turn. You know, when it just looks like *you* are having so much fun…
These days, I enjoy both “active” and “passive” roles of anal sex. For me, there’s just something so incredibly intimate about it… you really have to listen to your partner’s body, and be so aware of each other…