Comments on: Lame Reasons For Wearing Clothes In Bed

By: Dr.Whiplash

Dr.Whiplash — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 21:32:42 +0000

Note to Seraph:

I can’t tell for certain, but it sounds a bit that you may be questioning my sympathy to my ex’s unfortunate experience. I waited patiently for over a decade and a half for her emotional health to return. While waiting, she once split my lip open with her elbow when I tried to snuggle up to her in bed.

In psychological terms, she suffered from transference. She shifted the anger she felt towards the family member who molested her, onto me, because:

A. She wanted to mollify family members who wished to keep the family intact as well as preserve it’s good reputation in the community.

and

B. She couldn’t “unload” her anger on a stranger, they might well punch her out, and she knew I wouldn’t hurt her.

For all those years that I coddled and indulged her, and attempted to appease her, all I got in return was contempt and disdain. It was like a bad carton of milk left in the refrigerator. I checked on it constantly, erroneously waiting for the milk that had gone sour to somehow become sweet again.

I hope you don’t mean to sound like you are defending her behavior. Perhaps you were being somewhat sarcastic about her negligence. In most of this country’s courts, failure to avail oneself of therapy, when it is so plainly indicated, is grounds for divorce. At the very LEAST, the “right time” for her to “deal with that trauma” would have been immediately after she accepted my engagement ring, would it not?

By: Bacchus

Bacchus — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 09:02:12 +0000

Seraph, in all seriousness, it’s not about entitlement, it’s about physical closeness. If you aren’t “available” to your partner, why are you “sharing mattress space” with him?

I don’t think it’s “obnoxious” to want to touch the woman I share a bed with. If she did think so, she wouldn’t be there. Seems pretty simple to me. But coming to bed deliberately armored against physical closeness? That would be the truly obnoxious thing in my view.

By: Seraph

Seraph — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 04:09:12 +0000

I read this post a looooong time ago and it’s kind of been eating at me. Sure some of those reasons for wearing clothes in bed are lame. But I personally resent the attitude that I should sleep naked so that I will be sexually (or even just tactilely) available to my partner. I feel most comfortable wearing at least a t-shirt and comfortable panties to sleep (I don’t like the feeling of my arms sticking to my torso, and I’m cold natured) and I don’t like the idea that I should sacrifice my comfort because my partner is somehow entitled to my body because I agreed to share mattress space with him. I’m pretty sure you didn’t mean for this post to sound obnoxious or entitled, you probably didn’t even realize it–but it still got under my skin.

And Dr. Whiplash–poor girl. Guess that just wasn’t the right time for her to deal with that trauma.

By: Dr.Whiplash

Dr.Whiplash — Mon, 18 Jun 2007 20:09:28 +0000

My “ex” wore a brassiere to bed (and other clothing as well). It was her armor. She’d been molested in the middle of the night, in her own bed, by a family member. She never would get therapy. As I said, she’s my “ex”…

By: Bill

Bill — Mon, 21 Nov 2005 13:17:00 +0000

Ann Landers from thirty years ago: What two people wear to bed is between them.

By: gromm

gromm — Fri, 11 Nov 2005 16:49:00 +0000

My wife and I always sleep naked. She actually falls asleep faster if I’m snuggling up to her for a while. But I can’t fall asleep that way.

If you have a problem with that, tell your partner that you’re trying to sleep. If she’s a decent human being, she’ll let you.

By: boy who dresses like girl

boy who dresses like girl — Mon, 07 Nov 2005 14:30:00 +0000

8) “It’s hard to keep your own hands off yourself sometimes.”

Imagine that. Girls discovering they’re beautiful, sexy, and hot.