My feeling was that the whole thread was about communication. Whatever form you choose to use is good; whether that is open communication, code words, or, if the couple (or group) is familliar enough, the subtleties of tone and body language.

There’s no “right” way to communicate the way you feel to your partners. The only “wrong” way is to not do it at all.

That “If you’re a good sub then you…” phrasing is perilously close to breaking the rules here. Whatever you and I think about the ingredients that go into “safe, sane, consensual”, there are sure to be folks (doms and subs alike) who disagree with us. “No safewords” is a somewhat risky but perfectly respectable and fairly common approach, and it’s quite possible to be a “good sub” (by one’s own lights, which is all that matters) without a safeword.

Which is all really beside the point I’m trying to make; namely, that I simply don’t allow this comment space to be used for any flavor of “if you’re not doing it my way, you’re doing it wrong.” Dominus, I’m not saying you crossed that line — but if not, you’re awful close.

Besides, it’s been shown that couples that have a ‘secret language’ have better relationships anyway. One example: A couple that had a code phrase at parties of “I think I’m getting a migraine” that really translated into “Let’s go home and fuck.”

If you’re a good sub then you already have a safe word. Why not add a few more to the vocabulary and really make things interesting?