How To Get A Killer Lapdance
Unlike many men, I actively dislike the whole “lapdance” experience in strip clubs. A strip club is a wonderful place to be for half an hour — the visual experience is comparable to the olfactory bliss of stepping into a fine coffee or chocolate shop — but then it quickly grows boring. Any sensible man knows that these ladies are not coming home with you, and there’s not going to be any sex unless you’re planning to buy it, in which case you’re in the wrong place to make a value purchase. Worse yet, a lap dance represents extreme negative value — you pay a lot extra for an intense tease, which only reinforces any sexual frustration you may have brought into the club. And if you didn’t bring any sexual frustrations into the club, you’ve probably got a lady friend somewhere, in which case you likely could spend less effort charming her into giving you a private lapdance that ends much more entertainingly. I do not like them, Sam-I-am. Pretty lady, if I tip you nicely will you please go shake that sweet ass over there, on the stage, under the spotlights where I can see it properly, and the hell out of my personal space?
OK, micro-rant over. Meanwhile, back in the real world where lots of men are lap-dance hounds, Sam Sugar has some extremely detailed and very intelligent-sounding advice for getting great lapdances. It’s a long piece, but here are two of his suggestions, for flavor:
Clap. Very few guys clap for strippers performing on stage, and most dancers hate being on stage. Clapping makes strippers feel more like dancers and less like vulva puppeteers. If George Clooney was watching strippers he’d clap and that dude gets laid all the time.
Tip the stage. When a dancer you like’s on stage make sure she sees you leaving a tip. Aside from being universal code meaning “Congratulations on giving me an erection, come right over” this also reflects an appreaciation of her art (I’m not kidding, I’ve seen strippers whose talent is worth a pair of large Pollacks).
Go wild, boys and girls!
Thanks for the link.
However, why should anyone’s little woman be upset by you being at the club? Why not take her to the club, she might enjoy it. I know my other half would, for the experience at least.
Irony of ironies, we are broke at the moment so the chances of that happening in the near future look pretty slim. :(
Okay, I can only agree with Bacchus again on strip clubs not being a favorite, but I’ll give two more tips.
The first is from girls who are dancers I have known. The thing to remmeber is that they are working, and their job is to get tips. They are going to get annoyed with a patron who is all talk and no cash.
The second is from a friend who went to a club and blew his whole $200 allowance he brought in the first 40 minutes. After that, the gorls wanted nothing to do with him. The girls do talk amongst themselves and will let each other know if a guy is out of cash or if he’s a tightwad.
The trick seems to be: Act like a slot machine. Be bright, flashy, and attention getting but give big payouts only on an occasional basis. This ensures a suitable ammount of lever pulling. Take that as you will.
For the most part “strippers” loathe the customers who drop in to their places of business, so they dont get my cash.
I agree. The whole strip club? lap dance thing merely heightens ones sexual frustration. Best is to get yourself in great shape and go out and get yourself your own woman.