I was always shocked when a guy would tell me his wife would NEVER… give a blowjob, allow a pearl necklace, or some other harmless thing like that. I mean to me, it’s actually far more challenging to swallow than to have cum on your tits, especially if we are not talking about tasty cum (which based on her blog, she is not!). Cum on your tits, you wipe off. Cum in your mouth, you hafta figure out a way to swallow! Which, if the taste is awful, is not always easy! (For me, it’s best if the cum is shot straight down my throat. You get a tiny taste!)

Honestly, I used to have to guide guys into doing the things I LOVE to do (and that I know they want to do too!) because they were far too cowed and scared to ask. Every once in a blue moon I’d meet a guy who was, in my mind, a mysoginist… but the vast majority of my clients loved women and were desperate for some guidance and some acceptance and had been so busy bending over backwards to please the women who snap the whip to keep them in line, they’d never had any damned fun. It’s frankly depressing to think about. It makes me want to start whoring again NOW. (I am taking a break.)

Humiliation CAN be sex-positive if it is what a person (male/female) wants, enjoys, and finds empowering and liberating. I know several people who enjoy it, and I’m friends with a woman who gives classes on erotic humiliation which are always packed to the gills. I’m much more comfortable when people don’t say “THAT cannot be” whatever adjective you choose. Yes, it can. If it’s not for you, that’s ok. But ah, the judgement! I am the most judgemental person when it comes to some things, but I’ve learned to at least *try* to be open to the sexuality of other people.

Of course, I wouldn’t expect openness from someone in denial about what she is writing in her “semen taste tests!” :) The way to change the many, many bad things about the porn industry is by admitting that you ARE posting porn, your own way, with your own control, in an empowering way for you… not by denying it. Just like all the other thousands and thousands of amateur girls (like me) amateur writers (like me) who are creating their OWN porn instead of allowing the mainstream porn industry to be IT.

Hmmm, I think I’m gonna go ask my husband to cum on my tits now. ;)

I don’t mind the intermittent crassness, because I know my guy doesn’t exclusively think in those terms.

There’s a balance.

And yes, clarity would be good. (smirk) It’s hard to always nail the clarity thing. I know I still need to clarify my stance on “polyamory” from last month. That’s the devil of blogging — instant publishing means haphazard editing, and things fly under our radars.

Anyhow, I didn’t link to you in my posting because I wasn’t sure you meant to be as negative as it sounded — but it gave me good fodder for writing anyhow. Better luck next time. :)

I was wondering, however, if some of this might be related to the sex of the reader. Would my tone be clearer to female readers than male readers? Not saying it is, but it’s worth considering.

Thanks again for the comments.

Ava

As to your experiences, I guess I can’t really relate to where you are coming from, but that may just be cultural/social differences. I don’t consider it a lack of tact when a guy says something like “So, we gonna fuck tonight?” so much as a lack of emotional connection. Sure, pure unbridled fucking is cool at times, but even that flows from the relationship we have.

I don’t even know if I can verbalize what I’m trying to say, which is frustrating in its own right.

Or making pugh of sexual desires, as coming on breasts or anyway. When I wanted to cum on my partner’s clothes, after we had made love in a tight bond, with me having tied her, and held her, which she loves, she amusingly remarked ‘oh no not my clean dress’ but it was a moment we played out to each other, she enjoying the sub position and I performing a crass deed but perfectly suited to the roles we were both enjoying -

I think you lead the other person in to what you are doing or if the moment salutes it, and you both can read each other’s thoughts to a degree, then play it that way.

I think I’m veering off topic as usual … oh well …

I find my boyfriend’s irreverence to be one of his sexy qualities. He’s passionate, open, honest, but at times, he says the absolutely wrong thing with the dirtiest little grin on his face. We playfight, or I return the attitude. But I don’t judge him for saying something in a less than tactful way. Shit happens.

In fact, one of the best and funniest moments we’ve had yet as a couple was as a result of some totally crass remark he made — mostly because he was tired from just bringing me to orgasm, and was too tired or spent to think straight, and I totally knew that was the case — but called him on it anyways, and began teasing him as a result, again, resulting in a playfight, resulting in yet more sex.

I mean, really, what’s he gonna ask, “Excuse me, would you mind very much if I were to ejaculate upon your bosom later this evening? I would ever so appreciate it. Pretty please, with sugar on top?”

You know what I’m saying? I can appreciate where you’re coming from, but I can’t really empathize. I also agree with the comment on your site from The Boy, who said it was ironic that you took offense to his expression when you then turned around and offensively related the happenings in your own blog. It just smacks of duality, is all.

Just the other day, “What would you like to do this morning?”

“Well, I’d like you to go down on me, make me breakfast, then let’s fuck like bunnies.”

So I did all three. He was stunned. It’s been a VERY nice week, and now he’s even more open about more things than he’d been before, and the sex is getting a little raunchier, of which I approve.

I agree that any guy who claims he’s horrified with himself IS NOT. She needs a little reality check, if that’s how she dealt with it, and that’s how he’s supposedly responded. And too bad, too.

Once you burn that bridge of openness, the hesitation and lack of trust begins to spread. No lover should ever be faulted for expressing their wants.

All you have to say is, “I get why that might turn you on, but it’s something I’m not comfortable with.”

When will people ever learn the fucking power of diplomacy? Sigh.

I’ll go a step further and say that the anecdote as you blogged it didn’t convey any disrespect to me, making it tougher to understand that it was a disrespect issue with you. As you say, context is important, tone of voice even more so, and explaining those things on this-here voiceless internet-thingy can be tough as hell. Thus, I appreciate the clarifications.