You do not own title on your lover. You simply have lease on a part of their lives, whether you’re married or not. It is always, always, always in your best interest that your lover maintain some of their privacy and “me” time.

That’s what Steff says in a long post that makes some really good points. But I wonder… it ever a good idea to think that you own part of your lover? Steff’s right, nobody “owns title” on a lover, but even the idea of having a “lease on part of their lives” squicks me. To me that sounds too much like “I own this part of you,” and I usually have a hard enough time controlling my life to want the extra work of controlling part of somebody else’s.

D/s play is separate from my point. There, all parties agree on how the games go, and they’re there because they want to be there. They’re choosing. If there’s relationship papers involved, titles or leases or whatever, then some amount of choice gets lost. Maybe that works for some people, but not for me. What Steff said made me understand that J is good for me because right now he can’t own me, he’s still married although I guess that’s just technically since the divorce is going through the courts now. We just get together when we can and have the fun that we both want to have. I hope that doesn’t change once he’s divorced.

Speaking of J, he’s been out of town for awhile. Last night he sent me an email “Thinking of You,” and all it contained was the words to the song Black and Blue. “The harder the better, let’s do it ’til we’re black and blue”……I think we might be on the same page after all! I might get to find out this weekend, keep your fingers crossed for me!