August 16th, 2006 -- by Bacchus
Instead Of Objecting To Porn
I’ve blogged before about the peculiar phenomenon of women who melt down and throw a tie rod end when they “catch” their men enjoying pornography. Commenter Alana over at Pretty Dumb Things shares an anecdote that summarizes the matter very nicely:
I had a semi-friend in graduate school who happened upon her husband jerking off to Internet porn, a girl’s webcam or something. Don’t remember the specifics just know this friend found him out and became completely upset. She told me she was offended he’d jack off to Internet porn.
“What’s wrong with me?” she asked me.
“You didn’t join him,” I said.
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Bacchus,
I agree. I feel like porn can be fun for both mom and dad (or mom and mom, or dad and dad, or any configuration thereof). Sure, some people develop problems wherein they replace real human interactions with porn, but there are people who get “addicted” to videogames too.
Short of that kind of obsession, I can’t see getting my panties in a bunch over my partner enjoying porn. Unless he wants my panties in a bunch while we view it together.
Because sometimes he does. (It’s more fun to spank me that way.)
kissykiss,
chelsea girl
See, that’s dead on. ‘You didn’t join him’.
Where do we get this notion that looking at porn is something abnormal? It’s pretty much what art was invented for.
I’d mainly be upset that there’s all that come going to waste and that he didn’t ask me to join. Perhaps the friend would have not been so upset if the fellow invited her along instead of doing it in private. Relationships should have few secrets. But if he told her and she refused, then yeah, no reason to be upset.
To Karl: I don’t think that merely looking at porn is abnormal, but when it’s information that is kept from a partner that could hurt them, then that’s not healthy.
some people read erotic books, some people look at movies or magazines, some people write stories. if it turns you on, why not share it with your partner?
Never could figure that one out myself. Dated women who enjoyed porn and those who thought it was an abomination to a relationship. Oddly enough, those women who disliked the concept also were the ones twisting up their panties over the casual observance of a beautiful body passing by in public view.
a previous girlfriend didnt catch me in the act but she had the loathesome habit of searching through my computer for incriminating things.
she found in my history a porn site (i dont remember which)
she threw a fit as well
considered it “mentally cheating” i think that was the term she used. however this was the only instance in which she even acknowledged that i was capable of mentally doing anything.
she was mostly offended by the idea that i liked seeing someone else. griped about how she wasnt enough to satisfy me.
she had previously been cheated on repeatedly. as such she was very insecure about her sexual prowess. i had great fun restoring her confidence…
Good god, I wish I could get my husband to look at porn. A clerk at an adult store once had a laughing fit watching me drag my husband reluctantly inside with me.
I love good, clean porn. My husband doesn’t care if I watch it or not. It turns me on and I’m a better sex partner for it!
It’s not just men that jerk off to good porn!
Oh my god! Alayne and Erin – I didn’t know that women like you existed! There is some hope for the world after all…
My first husband and I used to go to the XXX Theatre in D.C., when we we’re first married. But I knew my husband worshipped me. My second husband, (first one died), wouldn’t ever tell me that I was sexy or beautiful. The only way I knew he was checking me out is before we’d go out onthe weekend, he’d say”Wow, you’ve got the war paint on tonite.” I construed it to mean I looked good from his implication. He didn’t like me to where colgne and anything that showed any clevage. In turn, I became very jealous if I over heard him and his brother talking trash about another girl,”Damn, she’s fine,” and so on. It made me crazy if he looked at other women or porn. I think if a woman is sure of herself, she’s not threatened. But that also comes from, if the man assures her, through actions and words that she’s the one that really trips his trigger. Husband #2 is long gone, kicked to the curb.
“Join in”? “Join in”?! What the hell is that? I can’t say I wouldn’t be delighted if my girlfriend caught me jerking off and joined in, but there’s something fundamentally wrong with that picture. Unless it develops into a mutually pleasing bout of sex, it becomes an uneasy master/slave situation if she puts hands on me, or a “why the hell are we doing this?” situation if she masterbates parallel to me.
Damn straight she should be pissed off if I’m having sex without her (so to speak). Like female rapper and born-again Christian Sole said, “If you get horny when you out no need for eyein’ them hoes/ why eat a burger when you got steak and potatoes at home?”
I may get more turned on watching porn then getting eaten out. I like to copy the moves.
just want to add my note to the chorus of women porn enthusiasts who have to drag their men to the store, website, or sofa.
I’m on the fence about this issue. Yeah, it’s great that there -is- porn and the whole “free to get off” theory is a great one, but I don’t see anything wrong with not wanting the man who sleeps with you to go look at other women naked.
It’s a marriage, not a life sentence. He or she is perfectly within their rights to masturbate alone if htey want to. Not everything is about or should be about the ohter partner. Sometimes you just want to get yourself off, ya know?
personally i can’t understand what it is about porn that a lot of women don’t like… i mean, ok so maybe i’m a voyeur at heart…but even still, i think porn is a very good relationship tool.. it’s erotic and heck it can even be fun just to make fun of the bad acting *grins*.
i think that the prudes in the world need to relax and get a grip on their insecurities.. just because a guy is jerking off to porn or anything else doesn’t mean the woman isn’t enough… sometimes it’s fun to do it by yourself for a change..*grins* not that anyone is hiding anything. i don’t know if my Master does it and i don’t ask…mostly because i’d be more surprised if he doesn’t.
it’s a natural part of life.
~wendy~
“why eat a burger when you got steak
and potatoes at home?�
… because every once in a while it sure is
nice to eat a juicy burger!!!!!
“Oh my god! Alayne and Erin – I didn’t know
that women like you existed!
There is some hope for the world after all…”
Absolutly fc2006! As a matter of fact my hubby
has to get up early so he’s fast asleep
& I just watched a good porn and ensured that
‘all of me’ was happy!!!!!
:)
My mother would not only go crazy if she found my dad looking at any kind of porn, but would also spazz out if he mentioned that another girl looked pretty. The jealously was insane. They’re getting divorced now.
Seems to me that most of the anti-porn folks are really just insecure about themselves and that can lead to a suffocating relationship. Let’s face it – we would like to be able to fulfill ALL of our partner’s fantasies, but the reality is that we can’t always do that.
Porn can be a safe way of doing so, and if you can enjoy it with your partner instead of freak out then I can’t see how the relationship would become any weaker.
I don’t see how looking at pornography is akin to ‘cheating’ on a spouse. It’s not real, it’s just a fantasy.
Noel, I see where you’re coming from. But do you expect your husband/bf/whatever to eat a completely balanced meal Every breakfast, lunch and dinner? Sometimes there’s a rush, but the craving needs to be satisfied. Perhaps a simply option to standing around looking sexy while your SO gets off is to let him grab some erotic material, take care of himself without too much hassle.
Now, a man’s porn collection shouldn’t take precedence over a partner, it’s when a guy/girl prefers not to spend time in the sack when the partner is available that can signal an issue.
Can’t agree more with Justin- Me an’ the missus regularly watch it together while playing with each other/ourselves,and it usually ends in RAMPANT sex.But that doesn’t mean it HAS to go that way… many’s the time we’ve finished together, or even on our own, but it’s still sex. It’s still intimate. And the fact that your loved one feels secure enough to masterbate in front of you is, to me, such an affirmation of love and commitment, i find it a MEGA turn-on!!!!!
I’ve not commented here before, but I’ve been a reader for a while, so let me start by saying hello :-) The very fact that I read this site should be proof that I’m not a prude and that I have no objection to porn. All true. I think porn is a wonderful thing and I enjoy it as much as my husband does. The issue that comes up for us is not in the viewing of the porn, but in the fact that he felt like he needed to hide it from me. I believe that a marriage is based on trust and honesty and I didn’t feel it was unreasonable to expect my husband to tell me the truth. I never have asked him to “report” every time he looks at porn on the web or wherever, but if I walk into a room I prefer that he doesn’t turn it off. If I ask about it, I expect him not to lie. And if he finds any great sites he damn well better tell me about them so I can check them out too ;-)
He was the one who introduced me to this site about a year ago and I’ve enjoyed reading for quite some time. Keep up the great site!
I must go back to quiet annonimity now :-)
tantalus, anytime you surf the internet without pop-up blockers and cookie watchers and the like that stuff will creep into your cache even if you only surf the clean sites. My sister and her husband have parental controls set for their machine but still find porn cookies sneaking their way in.
I agree with comments above, I’d be upset/annoyed that my husband didn’t ask me to join him.
However, I’m sure he’d be understanding, (um.. probably elated… lol) if he came home during the day and caught me in the act while the kids are napping. :)
The double standard is a little unfair. I think us women tend to get way too jealous sometimes.
Man i thought I was the only wifey goping through some drama. SO yeah, hubby hides his porno and denies even having it in the house but he’s got to find a better hiding spot. I am not against it at all, I’ve actually masterbated to his pornos and plpace them right back in his hiding spot. Stupid idiot doesn’t know I’m more of a freak than he is. Hiding it and lying only shows how much he gives a fuck the marriage. He ain’t the only one who hides and lies.