What’s frightening is that we’re not talking about a long long time ago here. Kids these days have no idea what sort of ugly vinyl trash used to be considered “sex toys” or (worse) “marital aids.” And I’m not old enough to be saying “kids these days” except in the most ironic tones.

I know I should be appalled that “today’s youngsters” don’t always know their sexual history, but it’s terribly flattering to be thought of as the progenitor, don’t you agree? And we were SO VERY MERRY, indeed. We earned the right to sow some confusion!

I will take credit for marketing the first silicon diido, the first Japanese rabbit vibe in American, along with all the other wild colors and animals, and the thigh harness. I would also like a ribbon for my and valor in cooking and testing more prototypes in my kitchen than I can count.

When i started in the business, all dildos were either Dubious Caucasion color, veering toward orange, and the specialty “Black”. I remember the time one gay rubber-dolly-maker brought in the first realistic looking “jelly-skins” that had a — gasp — an olive-skinned number.

I was managing Good Vibrations at that time, and I would beg the old school guys to make toys in colors, any color besides these sad-sack bad-imitations of “white flesh.” I mean, the Crayola “flesh” crayon would have been an improvement.

Of course, they didn’t listen to me, but two new entrepeneurs did– Gosnell Duncan, who invented the silicon dildo in Jamaica Plain, NYC, for spinal cord injury clients, and the guy I knew as “Jamie” from Japan who had a suitcase full of things that looked as bright and crazy as kid’s toys but they were all vibrators. No one wanted them except ME. Hooray!