In Japan, natch.

I’m not sure how any sourced stories could possibly be less reliable. These fishy sex stories come from a comedian, as reported in a notoriously unreliable tabloid. There’s a lot of room for skepticism here.

Still, a good traveler’s tale about sex with wild beasts is not to be passed up:

“Almost everybody in the fishing business has had sex with a manta at some point,” Makeburu asserts.

What!!! A manta??? You mean one of those enormous, intimidating winged things with a stinger on their tail that looks like an aquatic Batman?

Yep. After all, fisherman out on ships spend a loooonggg time at sea without ever encountering a woman, and, well, let’s face it, they can get pretty horny. No, dammit, let’s make that incredibly horny. Even desperate enough to do it with a manta. Right?

“Nah,” shrugs Makeburu. “Coastal fishermen poke them too.”

Apparently it’s a ritual of manhood, done out of recognition of the dangers of life on the sea.

Before mounting one of these intimidating creatures, points out J.K. special, it is “absolutely essential” that its stinger be removed. Yes, that certainly would make sense.

And of course, there’s the matter of protocol. To wit, the ship’s captain, if he so chooses, is entitled to go first.

Is your mind suitably boggled? No? Ready for some more?

“A manta’s … thing is kind of similar to a human’s,” Makeburu says.

Okay, well … not exactly. More than a reproductive organ, it’s basically an organ of elimination. So engaging in sex with a manta is basically an act of deep-sea sodomy.

“It’s shallow and there’s resistance at the other end, so the feeling isn’t that good,” is how he describes it.

At least the manta survives the violation. “With most fish, we just whack ‘em, but we release the manta’s we screw back into the ocean,” Makeburu relates.

A curious Matsuzawa wonders … if the captain had an STD, wouldn’t the other crew members who had sex with the manta contract it too?

“That’s right,” grins Makeburu. “So some guys slip on condoms before they do it. Once I came down with the clap. But we were in port around that time and I did it with a woman, so I don’t have any way of knowing if I picked it up from her, or from the manta.”

Is it common, then, for marine students to lose their virginity to a manta?

“Well, no, actually it’s more common for them to lose it to a moray eel,” he confides.

What??!! Isn’t that, like, dangerous, as in crazy?

“You can stick it in until it bites,” he says. “But if you pull it away too fast the skin on your cock will tear.”

Apparently once out of the water a moray becomes less aggressive. So you can force its mouth open with your hands, and then stick in your cock…

Similar Sex Blogging: