I owe Susie Bright for twittering a link to Emily Nagoski: Sex Nerd. It’s rare these days for me to find a sex blog that just keeps me reading, post after post. This is one of those rare blogs. Here’s part of Emily’s polemic against “normal” sex:
This is a nerd polemic against “normal.” People want to know that they are normal – and they want to know how to have the best sex. You absolutely can not have both. You have to pick: normal (i.e., average, typical, ordinary) OR the best (i.e., exceptional, extraordinary, rare… abnormal).
[T]he best sex – the best sex for you, I mean – is probably sex that other people would object to. Sex that horrifies some people. Sex that other people just won’t understand. Sex that singes the panties off others, others like you.
I know people are worried about doing it “right,” but there are no judges, no score cards, and no medals to be won. No one will deduct points if you fumble the dismount, like in Harry’s dream.
Please world, think carefully before you ask me about “normal” and “best.” Normal is boring and best is whatever sex you engage in with confidence and joy.
No one ever asks me how to have mediocre sex. I know that’s not what you want. Go ahead and have sex that would offend others. Put your tongue in dark, mysterious places. Fuck the bell curve.