This is Lydia Lee, formerly known as Julie Meadows, on how how she survived the porn industry:

I got into porn to be apart of an interesting, odd entertainment group; to fulfill my rebelliousness; to take care of my family; to learn about sex; to travel and live a bit wild and wistful. I never once walked into a job with the thought that I had to do the job. I reserved a place deep inside for my own peace of mind; a mantra, really. “I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to do.” No amount of money is worth walking away feeling broken. So what if you don’t get paid? The money will present itself in another opportunity.

To be honest, the worst part of having been a porn star is feeling I have to apologize for my choices. Nothing makes me feel dirtier, more demeaned; my humanity undermined and soul crippled, than feeling like I have to say, “I shouldn’t have gotten into porn.” That’s a low, sub-human feeling. I was burned by a friend a few years ago and in my hurt, I said that I wished I hadn’t gotten into porn. I felt alien to myself. The words and thoughts disgusted me so much I have never uttered them again. I am not sad or ashamed that I got into porn. I am sad and ashamed when I allow people into my life that don’t appreciate me for who I am and the wealth of experience I have to offer. Nothing disgusts me more than people who try to manipulate my feelings to change my thinking.