There are few more enduring staples in the sex advice literary world than that old favorite, the “how to give a blowjob” tutorial. This blog has linked to a fair number of them. But this one from Hoot Island is the first I’ve ever seen that puts the tutorial in fictional form. And it’s pretty entertaining, too:

“This is serious,” Janie said. Her eyes started to tear up. “I’m gonna lose him, he’s gonna dump me for some skank who can take her teeth out!”

Erica put her arm over her bud’s shoulders and hugged her. “No, he’s not. He’s not that shallow, and even blind people can tell he loves you. Besides, I’d kick his ass if he hurts you and he knows it.”

Janie sniffled. “What’d you do, tell him that?”

“Yep. The night we met him, while you were in the bathroom.”

“You didn’t!”

“Told him I had an electric juicer at home that would accommodate his testicles perfectly,” Erica said smugly. “But really, he’s a great guy, don’t worry about it. He appreciates it when you do it, right?”

There was another long silence.

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