Crash And Burn
What can I say? J and I talked a lot, he gets the orgasm thing (thanks for your help there) but the sexblogger thing has squicked him. It’s been alot of back and forth, he’s definitely interested in some kinds of exploring but he’s a smalltown boy and this is a small town we live in…..and there are issues from his ex-wife that he’s trying to deal with. Including some sex stuff. So I think it’s all just too much for him. He says he “sees somebody different now” when he looks at me, and doesn’t know who that is.
Before anybody gets all down on him like happened here and here, J’s attitude is just fine in alot of ways, he says he couldn’t tell that I came at all that day, he’s a real sweet guy that’s just got too much to handle right now. We may end up together some time down the road…..but I’m not counting on that. I’m thinking I need to get out of Lutheranville. So I guess it’s back to Sssh.com for awhile.
So, next question is, when should the sexblogger subject come up in a relationship? It’s a trust thing for me, I don’t talk about this dirty little habit with most people because it just isn’t their business. And telling a guy too early will probably give him a whole barrelfull of wrong ideas.
Shorter URL for sharing: http://www.erosblog.com/?p=1675
Sorry to hear about this setback, but sounds like you’re trying to learn from it. As for when the sexblogger subject should come up…pretty tough question. Too early and they, like you point out, may get the wrong impression. Too late and they may think you’re hiding some big part of yourself from them. Only thing I can recommend would be keeping it a trust thing. If you’ve seen the person for a while and trust them – maybe having broached a few of the more delicate subjects concerning lifestyles and sex and caring etc. – then bring them into the sexblogger subject. It’s probably also a trust thing for the other person too – they may not always like to know that some of their behavior (sexual and otherwise) is being “deconstructed” on a website accessible to so many people.
Keep your head up and good luck. I continue to learn and enjoy all the entries that you and Bacchus post. Thanks!
Honestly it sounds like it went as well as it could. It’s always too bad when things like this just don’t mesh with everything else in life. Best of luck and at least you know you can pick the good ones right?;)
As for the sex blogging I couldn’t really say as mine’s fairly well concealed so only people i know well know of it. It usually comes up after we play a bit I’ll do my best to explain everything and show them some entries so they understand -Exactly- what i’m blogging about and don’t get the wrong ideas.
Personally, before I sleep with someone I tell them two things: that I’m collared, and that I have a blog. Perhaps because I primarily meet men online, so far every one of them has been cool with both elements of who I am. Or I could just be on a lucky streak. I’m all for up-front honesty, but I know in some places and circumstances that just doesn’t fly. I think it really is a matter of personal judgement – when do you think the person is ready to hear about it.
What guy in his right mind would like to have his sexual inadequacies and mistakes, along with his relationship foibles, talked about online, behind his back, for the world to read, even anonymously? And then have people critique him?
This has got to be the worst way of introducing someone to sex blogging. I think it is only fair to introduce your partner to your sex blogging *before* you write about them.
Now I am confused. What exactly is the definition of a sex blogger? All this time I thought I understood the definition. I thought it was just someone who owned/wrote a blog that dealt with sexual material. Is it something else? I ask only because this latest post makes it sound as if Sex blogging is disgusting or a taboo.
Does the definition also include people actually writing in depth play by play of their sexual escapades? I mean, the defintion is pretty loose, right? Similar to the definition of a singer. There are many types of singing. Or a writer . . .many genres.
Please help me understand why sex blogging is shown in such a negative light. Or is there some blog that you are specifically writing to other than ErosBlog that I just missed?
cagedude, I understand where you’re coming from, but you’re totally wrong about what bothered J. La Femme D, I think you took my “dirty little habit” remark waaaay too seriously. It was a joke. Or did you mean to comment on Bacchus’s post Sex Bias In Blogging?
if you treat it like a big deal, it will turn into a big deal. slip it into conversation semi-early on, like it is an everyday normal thing…cause really it is
It’s hard to be in any small town dominated by religion and have a real life.
Thinking about your question most of the day… When should you let the guy know you are a sex blogger?… I find the content of your blog stimulating, exciting, warming, down-to-Earth, informative, and very human — probably a real reflection of who you are. Strong men who respect what they read will step-up-to-the-plate. We can help you judge them if you like.
Juz sayen…, you could always allow the blog to introduce you and who can weed them out for there.
Personally, I’m a bit believer in honest communication. My vote is tell him early. Maybe not on the first date but definatly before you start sleeping together. He should know
that things are going to be said about him on-line. He should also be allowed to decide how much detail be said.
Get thee out of Lutheranville and move to 78 square miles surrounded by reality.. at least we have an appreciation for blogging – and sex.
PS. I told my man on the 4th date. We’re almost celebrating 2 years.