Diary Of A Squirter

Chelsea Girl from Pretty Dumb Things has the tale of her first squirting experience, done in the style of a breathless young girl’s diary, complete with Hello Kitty graphics, colored ink, and stacked exclamation points:

dear diary,

i have something soooooooooo exciting to tell you!!!!

last night, when i & donny were together (& by together i mean doing it, and you know what i mean don’t you) i squirted!!!!

i know!!!!!

i can’t believe it either!!!!

It’s long and funny and well worth your time.

P.S. Anybody who posts “It’s just pee” (or sentiments of that ilk) in the comments will be rounded up in front of the audience and made to endure derisive shouts of “Virgin! Virgin!” We’re so not having that high school argument here. If you’ve been there, you know better. If you haven’t, please shut the hell up kay thanks.

Rear Window Experiment

This month’s I Did It for Science is about, you guessed it, the joys of anal sex.

I returned to the mirror, took another look and slowly touched my anus. “Imagine how mom and dad might feel if they knew what you were doing,” the book proposed.

An image of my mother crying popped into my head. My father tried to comfort her, saying, “At least she has a job.” The book encourages anal explorers to write an imaginary letter to their parents explaining what they are doing and why. I skipped the letter. If I had to write an imaginary letter for every action I performed that my parents would deem disturbing, I’d never get anything done.

Doesn’t that sound familiar! The rest of the tale is fairly funny…..but not nearly as hot as the Evil Science Chick’s story.