It’s raining at my house, so the timing seems good for this April Showers sale from Kink Unlimited. Discounts up to 60%, the warm pitter-patter of spring rain falling everywhere, what’s not to like?

That said, this .gif banner made me wonder: why isn’t there a squirting-orgasms porn star prodigy out there using the name “April Showers” to market her stuff? Well, it turns out there is (or was) but she seem to have done most of her work in the mature and pro-amateur niches. (It’s been a while, but HotMovies still has a few of her porn movies available.) Sadly, she never seems to have done a shoot for Kink Unlimited or for any of the vast network of porn partners that they distribute. (I did check.)

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It’s 2020, isn’t it? Frogs rain from the sky, dogs and cats lie down together, and the Kink Unlimited Black Friday sale starts on a Monday this year. Runs for a whole week, too — or so my kinky spies tell me.

Just like last year, it’s very close to being the best sale on the calendar: 55% off, which works out to “cheap as hell” if you buy one of the longer-running packages (always the best bargain).

You’re probably not going anywhere, and if you’re not alone where you are, you and your main squeeze are probably getting bored with each other’s predictable moves by now. Why not liven things up with a discounted Kink.com subscription? You deserve it!

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There’s really nothing like a really excellent Halloween costume party. People in masks, lots of booze, inhibitions down, lots of dimly lit spaces for anonymous sexual shenanigans, all kinds of cosplay sex opportunities to loosen libidos… It’s good clean dirty fun.

Alas, 2020 is not the year for attending sexy costume parties. But if your mental health is suffering in your oh-so-lonely responsible isolation, let’s be blunt: watching porn and getting yourself off is probably the best self-care going. And by now, you may be growing weary of the abbreviated clips and intrusive ads at your preferred “free” porn tube. Now is arguably the time to treat yourself with a discounted subscription to 100+ channels of kinky porn. And if you join Kink Unlimited this Halloween weekend, it’s half price. It ain’t rocket surgery: get on that deal!

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It’s sale time again for Kink Unlimited. By now you know the drill. If you were thinking about getting a kinky porn subscription, this is likely to be the best discount available until Halloween, or possibly Christmas. As low as $7.50 a month if you pick the right plan!

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Whoop! Whoop! Pot-of-gold alert! I’m not saying this will make rainbows shoot out of your ass, but…

What the fuck? That’s a totally fair question. We’re coming up on Saint Patrick’s Day, and I just became aware that in honor of that green and leprechaun-infested holiday, Kink Unlimited is offering the cheapest price ever for a one-year subscription. If you join for a whole year, it costs less than two months at the regular price:

Please be aware that this is an unadvertised special. I don’t know how long it will be available. I assume — since the holiday is on Tuesday — that the offer will be available at least until that time, but I don’t actually know. Make sure you’re still seeing it when you click through to join, if you choose to do that. And then, enjoy!

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I know there are a lot of people vying for your Black Friday bargain dollars, but 55% off is a great deal for joining Kink Unlimited.

If you haven’t been paying attention, the Kink Unlimited product is a lot more these days than just the familiar in-house Kink.com-made sites, which are now called channels. The Kink product now contains more than eighty channels, many of which consist of kinky porn flowing in under license from other major porn brands you will recognize. It’s an enormous porn value for the money!

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It’s been some little time since Kink Unlimited had a really good sale. If you’ve been waiting, now is the time to join. I’m not sure how long this sale will last, so don’t procrastinate. Through tomorrow, surely. Through the weekend? Probably, but I can’t guarantee it; Kink didn’t see fit to send out an affiliate mailing this year, so I’m just guessing.

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