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The Sex Blog Of Record
Friday, November 22nd, 2024 -- by Bacchus
Jess has a warning for wives about irresponsible drinking. Apparently too much alcohol makes her anally-amorous, but her sphincter has morning-after regrets:
Transcript:
Alcohol makes us slutty! Drank too much last night. Got a little too slutty, with my own husband. But every time I tell him: “We’re not doing that again for a while, that is a special occasion thing, because it fucking hurts the next day.”
And he’s always like “Yeah, I know. It’s always your idea.”
And I’m like “Oh, yeah. I asked for it, right?”
No, I literally do. I literally ask for it every time I have a few drinks, and I back up to him like a cat in a heat. I practically yowel at him! Then I’m the one who pays for it the next day.
Drink responsibly.
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Friday, October 25th, 2024 -- by Bacchus
In Back Rent: Paid In Rear, we have the satisfying story of a deadbeat tenant confronted by his angry landlady over unpaid rent. It could have turned into an ugly scene, except for that delicious phenomenon that sometimes happens, when one kind of intense bodily arousal morphs into another kind. Whereupon shit gets suddenly horny.
She challenged him: “Come on, do something! What are you gonna do?” And so it was that a moment of class struggle turned into an entire afternoon of kinky and dynamic up-against-the-wall and face-down-ass-up rough sex:
Photos are from Kink.com, which is presently running its Halloween Special discount sale, with a monthly cost for the best plan as low as $6.66 per month.
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Wednesday, July 31st, 2024 -- by Bacchus
Does anal sex hurt? TJ on TikTok says “not if you practice!”
Transcript:
I don’t know why so many women are like, the back door hurts, the back door hurts!
So does the front door, the first time you use it. Practice makes perfect. So, go find a plug and get to practicing!
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Saturday, March 16th, 2024 -- by Bacchus
This is not a suggestion I’ve heard before, but it makes a lot of sense when you think about it. From Delilah, on Mastodon:
I received the most satisfying ass fucking last week, for the first time in a while. Partner shot a lovely, very large, hot load directly into my colon. I fell a sleep a happy girl.
…
Also, fun fact:
The average rectum (that’s the part of your intestine directly inside your sphincter) is several inches longer than the average vagina. YMMV.
My fellow vagina owners may be asking themselves, why is this notable? Well, if you’re struggling with that enormous cock in your life, you may find that your properly lubed asshole will accommodate it much better.
It is a solution I may employ for the fucking huge dick I occasionally play with. It’s much more satisfying for both of us if he can go balls deep with every thrust, without me feeling like I’m re-enacting the dinner scene from Alien.
Of course, if you’re not accustomed to things in your ass, it’s always advisable to start off small. No need to go full-on horse cock right out of the starting gate.
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Friday, April 14th, 2023 -- by Bacchus
Have you ever heard the phrase “spoiled for choice” as a figure of speech? As in “I’m spoiled for choice here, I don’t know which of these pretty holes to plunder first.” Allow me to introduce a man who, having faced up to just such a quandary, has made his difficult choice and has no regrets:
Photo is from this shoot at Kink Prime.
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Tuesday, February 14th, 2023 -- by Bacchus
Among the many joys of the Valentine’s Day holiday is a truth that even the chilliest ice princess knows: true love takes it up the butt. Happy Valentine’s Day!
Animation is by Dezmall.
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Tuesday, January 31st, 2023 -- by Bacchus
She seems to be pressed rather firmly to the mattress, is all I’m saying. The phrase “pinned like a butterfly” comes to mind:
This is a screenshot from Anal Creampuffs #11 (2006).
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Sunday, May 29th, 2022 -- by Bacchus
Her relationship may have been on the rocks, but the anal sex was still good:
Yes, it’s Chloë Des Lysse again, and she’s still the queen of 1990s anal sex.
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Tuesday, May 10th, 2022 -- by Bacchus
In 2012 and 2013 there was a Tumblr called “BADGIF” that specialized in pretty extreme .gifs. A lot of them were shock/grossout content, but some were just graphic closeups. This anal sex one was actually pretty tame for the channel:
Sorry to report that I don’t know the original porn source for these frames.
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Friday, April 1st, 2022 -- by Bacchus
There were a couple of years there in the late 1990s when this image was the definitive “anal sex” photo that floated around the adult internet. There was just something about this woman’s cool, composed, cover-girl stare while sitting balls-deep on an anonymous cock that captured the zeitgeist of the times. This photo looked to an awful lot of people like the epitome of the in-charge-of-her-sexuality 1990s woman. Remember, 1998 was the year when Kristen Davis, as Charlotte York in the Valley of the 20-Something Guys (aka the infamous buttsex episode) of Sex And The City, famously fretted:
I can’t, Brian. I want to, but I can’t. I mean, actually no, that’s not true. I don’t want to. Or maybe I do. I don’t know what I want. But I’m afraid if I don’t, you’ll dump me. And if I do, then I’ll be the up-the-butt girl. And I don’t want to be the up-the-butt girl, because I mean… Men don’t marry up-the-butt girl. Whoever heard of Mrs. Up-The-Butt? No, no, no. I can’t. I want children and nice bedding, and I just can’t handle this right now.
Make no mistake: Charlotte’s friends, and the viewers, were laughing at her for this. She was a risible figure. And the photo at the top of this post was perhaps the most famous anal sex photo on the internet, at that very same time.
But who was our mysterious ’90s anal queen? Nobody knew. Seriously, there weren’t any reverse image search engines in those benighted days. It was a mystery, at least to most.
That was then. This is now. Through a fortuitous accident, I rediscovered “Chloë, The Queen Of 90s Anal” when I stumbled on this picture here, which is equally impressive in its own way:
At first, I was only planning to do a throwaway image post titled “What a View!” But y’all know me. At a minimum, I always have to look for a bigger and cleaner scan of whatever image I’m about to post. While I’m doing that, I might as well get some provenance. And that’s when I stumbled on the Chloë Des Lysse image treasure trove.
It turns out that the famous image is from the 1998 French photo book Chloë Des Lysse: Porn Art 2 by photographer Dahmane. The other one comes from Chloë Des Lysse: Porn Art 1, naturally; that one dates to 1996.
The books are worth your time. You’ll see a lot of Chloë. She doesn’t always have a dick up her butt, but let’s just say she could have taught Charlotte a thing or two.
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Sunday, December 12th, 2021 -- by Bacchus
What anal deviltry is this?
This demonic buttsex artwork is said to be, and does appear to be, Indian in origin. But no more specific attribution is to be found, even in the library collection where it reposes.
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Sunday, October 24th, 2021 -- by Bacchus
On first read I thought My Husband Died And Now His Ghost Wants Anal (from McSweeneys, about five years ago) was pretty funny. And it is:
My husband Jake passed away recently. As luck would have it, just days after he died he came back as a ghost. I was never a superstitious person, but when Jake walked through the refrigerator and honked my breast, I knew it was really him. Weird misconception about ghosts: they can walk through stuff, but they also have the ability to grope.
Of course the ghost has an agenda:
Full disclosure, a tiny, tiny part of why Jake became a ghost has to do with a certain unfinished aspect of our relationship. Despite all we’ve gone through, there is one territory unexplored, one frontier unpenetrated, the one thing he couldn’t rest without: my anus.
I’m not a prude — I’m no Condeleezza Rice — but anal is not something I’m particularly interested in and I never thought Jake was either. That is until he came back after death in ghostly form to tell me otherwise.
IMO the joke sours a bit toward the end, though, when our haunted widow decides that she won’t be putting “another one of my orifices up on the sexual marketplace” and then waxes lyrical about how much she’ll enjoy his sexually-frustrated ghostly company. In death as in life, ha ha.
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Monday, October 4th, 2021 -- by Bacchus
Does your girl have a DP fantasy? Do you? I know, I know, arranging for that second cock is a real social challenge, and then there’s the athletic positioning… it can be a whole big thing. Which makes this a great time to acknowledge, as too few do, that sex toys can be really awesome as an adjunct to partnered sex:
Artwork is said to be ripped from the Nutaku adult game Booty Calls.
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Wednesday, September 22nd, 2021 -- by Bacchus
Just a handsome young man sitting on the edge of his bed, completely lost in his anal sex fantasy and the intense sensations of his jelly cock-stroker toy:
The uncropped art (by Foudreika) at Kinky Delight additionally shows a closeup of the cock/toy sensation-interface.
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Monday, July 5th, 2021 -- by Bacchus
It dawns on me that some of my readers may be too young to recall the days in which obscene phone calls were a thing. The world was full of anonymous pay phones, and caller ID didn’t exist, or it was a premium service with an extra monthly charge that many people didn’t pay. Go far enough back, and “tracing the call” was something that had to be done by a live human “operator” at the phone company while the call was in progress. That pretty much meant that an obscene caller faced no repercussions whatsoever, unless they were foolish enough to harass the same party repeatedly, to the point where the police became involved.
I’m not actually old enough to remember when obscene phone calling was still the favorite activity of boundary-pushing perverts, but when I was a younger person, it was still a vivid part of the cultural history and memory of all the adults I knew. It was so common, people made comedy about it.
Thus it is no surprise that a stroke book from the 1970s opens with a description of a fictitious obscene call:
“Damn it! If you don’t tell me who’s calling I’m going to hang up!”
Harry Appleton smiled obscenely as he listened to the irritated female voice at the other end of the telephone. He was sprawled in an old overstuffed chair, the telephone cradled between his check and shoulder, one long leg hooked over the chair’s dirt-encrusted arm. In his left hand he held a tattered copy of a magazine that was open at the centerfold. His avid eyes scanned the glossy color photograph of a naked girl kneeling on the floor, her heavy breasts pressed flat against the carpet while her fingers reached around her body to pull her pendulous buttocks apart and expose her puckered little anal opening. His other hand lovingly massaged the swollen cock that jutted out from his unzipped jeans.
“”George, is that you?” the woman on the telephone asked, a note of fright creeping into her voice and replacing the previous irritation. “Is this another one of your jokes, George?”
Harry smiled again and cleared his throat. He could tell that the nervous woman was about to hang up on him and he didn’t want to loose the connection.
“Is this Miss Watkins? Sarah Watkins?” he asked, pitching his voice low. There was almost no chance that she would recognize his voice from their one brief meeting, he knew, but he was going to take no chances.
“Yes, this is Sarah Watkins,” the woman answered, a little puzzled now. “Who’s calling, please?”
“You don’t know me, Sarah,” Harry said quietly, without a trace of emotion even though his heart was thudding wildly in his chest. “No, you don’t know me at all.”
“What is it you want then?”
He choked down a lewd laugh as he stared at the photograph of the obscenely posed girl in the magazine. When he let his mind roam freely, as he often did, he could almost imagine that the girl was here in the room with him, moving her luscious ass around in provocative circles while she begged him to shove his lust-hardened cock up into her tightly-puckered asshole. His fingers grasped his penis in a vice grip as the woman on the telephone interrupted his obscene reveries by speaking again this time more urgently.
“If you don’t tell my what you want right now, I’m going to hang up!”
Harry threw the magazine onto the floor and sat up straight, a fierce glow in his eyes. He licked his dry lips with his tongue as he cleared his throat again.
“I want to fuck your asshole, baby!” he almost screamed into the telephone. “I want to shove my cock up into that tight little hole and make you scream for fucking mercy! And I’m going to! Just you wait and see!”
From Anal Rampage by Paul Stone (certainly a pseudonym), published by Blackpool Library (BL-119, 1970s).
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Thursday, June 24th, 2021 -- by Bacchus
It was a pretty good New Years party by all appearances, but now it is time to clean up the mess. The lady on cleanup duty does not appear to mind:
Artist is Slippy, who has a Patreon.
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Tuesday, June 15th, 2021 -- by Bacchus
The animation may be simple enough, but I’ll betcha the lady has some complex feelings about what’s happening back there:
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Saturday, November 28th, 2020 -- by Bacchus
She thought they were going on an urban-exploration industrial-archeology date. She even brought her pistol in case they needed to shoot at mutant rats. He, on the other hand, had an anal sex hookup in mind. He may not get a second date, but he’s enjoying this one:
Artwork is by Harmonist11.
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Tuesday, January 7th, 2020 -- by Bacchus
This freckled redhead knows when to say yes to a good thing:
The artist is Artoupan.
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Monday, December 4th, 2017 -- by Bacchus
Perhaps, not really? To be technical: not taking it up the ass ruined Amy’s engagement, and a dispassionate observer might speculate that this actually saved her from what promised to be a genuinely disastrous marriage. Amy herself apologizes for the “clickbaity title” of her post, which is, in full: Not Taking It Up the Ass Ruined My Marriage, and Five Other Stories About Anal Sex. In due time, though, with a different guy, one of Amy’s other anal sex stories goes rather better:
I want to be ravished, to be used, to be his anal slut. His cock slides into my ass, an inch at a time, until he’s buried deep in me. And then he’s fucking me hard. I’m not getting any stimulation to my cunt or clit, but I can feel something building within me. I realise a moment before it happens that I am going to come. My ass clenches around him as my muscles spasm in my first anal-only orgasm. Watching me get off this way tips him over the edge too and he tenses, moans, and I feel him come in my ass.
Afterwards, we cuddle. I say, ‘hey, remember when I thought I didn’t like anal sex?’
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Tuesday, August 15th, 2017 -- by Bacchus
I’m not sure why she requires a headband and a chin strap in order to do these duties, but I’ll grant you, they make her look extra-diligent:
Artwork is by Kovacq.
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Tuesday, December 20th, 2016 -- by Bacchus
It wouldn’t be a properly devilish ass-fucking if The Dark One didn’t have a crowd of enthusiastic minions and groupies to help him, ah, prepare the sacrifice:
Artist is Milo Manara, and the art is from Porte de Clichy, a limited edition portfolio apparently inspired by Henry Miller’s Quiet Days In Clichy.
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Sunday, December 4th, 2016 -- by Bacchus
“Prepare for re-entry!”
Artwork is by Kovacq.
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Friday, November 18th, 2016 -- by Bacchus
It’s a wonderland all right, but not the one she was expecting. The sign said “suck me” but before she knew it…
Artist is Tram Pararam.
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Friday, September 30th, 2016 -- by Bacchus
There once was a rich cultural tradition in this country (which still survives to an extent) surrounding “good girls” (usually Catholic, sometimes other flavors of Christian) who would use anal sex as a way to preserve their technical virginity for marriage. It’s probably no surprise that something similar is said to be going on in modern Iran, along with a healthy dose of frottage:
Tahmineh wears the all-encompassing, black chador because her parents insist on it, and because neighbours in her conservative community gossip about women who choose to wear the headscarf and manteau, the overcoat that is meant to keep curves concealed. But in Tehran, being a virgin does not mean that Tahmineh has not had sex. “I first had anal sex when I was 21. Of course I want to have proper sex, but until I know for sure that my boyfriend wants to get married, I can’t risk it.”
Before Tahmineh graduated to anal sex, she and her friends were having la-paee (literally, “thigh”) sex, where the man uses a woman’s clenched thighs to orgasm. Tahmineh believes there are rising numbers of girls like her, who are from religious or traditional families but prepared to experiment sexually before marriage.
“Most girls in my area think that just being in a confined space with a boy is a sin, but my best friend has had la-paee sex, and I know lots of girls from less strict families who are allowed to hang out with boys, but who are still expected to be virgins, so they all have anal sex instead.” This phenomenon is so ubiquitous in Tehran that anal sex has become the butt — pun intended — of many a Tehrani joke.
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Thursday, September 22nd, 2016 -- by Bacchus
Yet another richly-drawn panel by Phenix, from the graphic novel Passion At Notre Dame:
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Sunday, August 28th, 2016 -- by Bacchus
Spanking Blog has an instructional French sex comic panel for the gentleman who wants his partner to move her ass more during the anal sex. His solution, apparently, lies in the brisk application of a riding crop:
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Tuesday, June 14th, 2016 -- by Bacchus
Cidade Do Diabo is a Dofantasy sex comic by Lesbi K Leih about the challenges of being a pretty girl in the roughest favelas of Rio De Janero. But in the panels below, we meet some tourists having hotel sex:
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Thursday, May 12th, 2016 -- by Bacchus
This one does, anyway:
The artist is Filobedo.
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Wednesday, March 30th, 2016 -- by Bacchus
I’m pretty sure that’s the good kind of screaming:
From this gallery at Beauty4K.com.
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Sunday, March 13th, 2016 -- by Bacchus
This particular deal with the devil got expensive and humiliating a lot faster than Our Lady Of Perpetual Latex was expecting:
Artist is DevilHS.
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Thursday, January 21st, 2016 -- by Bacchus
Via Vintage Lust:
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Friday, December 18th, 2015 -- by Bacchus
These panels showing a no-longer-secret (can you spot the voyeur?) anal sex encounter are from issue 118 of a sex comic called Sabor A Mi.
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Sunday, November 22nd, 2015 -- by Bacchus
Here’s a wish-fulfillment fantasy for the ages (not that there’s anything wrong with a good wish-fulfillment fantasy). Spanking Blog has a story in which a man administers an enema to his wife as part of a punishment, the experience of which makes her beg him for anal sex:
My wife confided that the actual insertion of the syringe was such a delight that she begged me to modify my lovemaking to simulate the experience there and then. Oh, this was indeed a wonderful experience for both of us. Back in the bedroom she knelt down and offered her now nicely perfumed body to me. I had no difficulty entering her from behind since her sphincter muscle had now been suitably exercised.
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Thursday, November 5th, 2015 -- by Bacchus
What really fuels modern politics (not counting big donor money):
Moral: never let an automated system truncate your public-facing strings.
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Saturday, July 18th, 2015 -- by Bacchus
I imagine that underwater anal would require an amazing amount of breath-control practice. Perhaps it’s what pearl divers do on their days off?
Source unknown.
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Monday, June 29th, 2015 -- by Bacchus
This anal sex art is by French artist Luca Raimondo.
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Saturday, December 27th, 2014 -- by Bacchus
The latest course from Kink University is all about the butt sex. Specifically, it’s a tutorial video called Anal Sex 101: How To “Get Them To The Greek”.
From the tutorial description:
Here’s how to introduce your partner to first time anal sex, with preparation, communication, and stimulation skills that maximize success, helping to ensure that you both enjoy the first experience and want to keep doing it again and again. With Emma Haize as his model, Danarama demonstrates a variety of techniques including the best positions for trying first time anal penetration, and Emma describes her own anal sexperiences and porn star insider tips for anal cherry-popping and a fun future of taking it up the ass and loving it!
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Tuesday, November 18th, 2014 -- by Bacchus
There’s an old trope about Catholic girls who are good girls, but not too good. The notion is that they are more likely than your average young lady to be open to a bit of anal sex, because it’s something they can do without threatening their (technical) virginity.
Somebody recently linked me to a hilarious (but visually PG-13) YouTube video of a comedy song by Garfunkel and Oates, called “The Loophole”, that explores this trope in vivid detail:
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Thursday, September 18th, 2014 -- by Bacchus
I cropped this face-detail from an explicit anal sex photo on Tumblr, where it is captioned “Clearly not one of the porn stars who hates anal.”
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Wednesday, August 20th, 2014 -- by Bacchus
Fairly might you ask: “What the hell is this?”
Well, it’s a lubricious detail from some sort of orc/dark-elf bondage gangbang series at Bondage Blog. Artist: ArcturusX1.
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Friday, August 15th, 2014 -- by Bacchus
This bit of fan art caught my eye because of the nice booty-squeezing action:
Turns out that it’s a bit of fan art called Now It’s Your Turn, Heather, by EdiTheMad. The reference is to Heather Mason, a character in the video game Silent Hill 3.
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Tuesday, July 22nd, 2014 -- by Bacchus
Via Spanking Blog we have this unattributed artwork. Spanking Blog posted it for the welty hints of pre-sex whipping, but I like it as an example of over-the-top gonzo comic-book anal plundering:
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Monday, July 7th, 2014 -- by Bacchus
It doesn’t look to me like there’s adequate lube and preparation for this incipient penetration:
The artwork appears around the web with the French caption “La chose sa pressait contre le cratère de mon anus”, but no artist or source information is ready to hand.
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Sunday, June 22nd, 2014 -- by Bacchus
The whole “girl locked in a tower who lets down her hair to aid her rescuer” theme was a favorite centuries before the Brothers Grimm wrote it down in a book of uptight German fairy tales, from whence it was eventually dragooned into Disney’s memetic stable. It draws on parental anxieties about the burgeoning sexuality of their daughters, and it encodes the true-but-unwelcome message that there’s absolutely no way you can effectively lock that sexy daughter up and keep her “safe” because she’s ultimately going to conspire with her suitors to defeat all parental precautions so that they can carry on in the way that young people always do. (Luckily for our perpetuation as a species.) Fortunately for insecure parents everywhere, most versions of the story do not get quite this explicit about what happens once Rapunzel decides to let her hair down:
Art is by Liquidshadow, via Kinky Delight.
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Tuesday, December 10th, 2013 -- by Bacchus
When she agreed to entertain the four gentlemen in her dressing room, she didn’t expect them to be quite so entertaining:
Artwork is by Farrel.
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Thursday, October 24th, 2013 -- by Bacchus
The ultimate mansplaining? “His cock will help you understand. It will sink in better through your ass…”
Part of a panel from a Milo Manara sex comic, as seen at Kinky Delight.
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Thursday, May 9th, 2013 -- by Bacchus
I’ve noticed for years that there’s a particular strain of anti-gay nonsense out there that appears to be focused on shit. Who can forget Nancy Elliot’s concern about gay men “wriggling it around in excrement”? Or Dan Savage’s ignorance-busting response?
What’s interesting is that the people who suffer from the whole “you touch an anus that sometimes touches poo” theory of contagion seem to assume that their own extreme level of hysterical disgust at poop is universal. And so it leads them down the false path of thinking they can use poop to construct effective anti-gay insults. And that results in this:
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Thursday, February 21st, 2013 -- by Bacchus
You know that annoying Tumblr thing where people strip the color info out of porn photos to make them look more like art photography?
Here’s one where somebody did it to some hairy male/male buttsex.
Here’s what it looks like as porn.
Seriously, why do this?
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Thursday, February 14th, 2013 -- by Bacchus
This is how Valentine’s Day turns into anal Valentine’s Day. Cupid takes careful aim, his shot is true, and after that — perforce! — the loving portal opens wide:
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Thursday, December 20th, 2012 -- by Bacchus
I suppose there’s no way to scale this sort of thing into genuine comprehensive sex education for everybody in America, but I think that’s rather a pity. Here’s Rain DeGrey on spreading the knowledge:
I was quite surprised when a 17 year old girl called Kaylie from Pennsylvania tweeted at me saying she was a huge fan of my work. Kaylie seemed quite friendly, but she was 17! How could she of even heard of me? My goodness. Kids these days. I told her I would be unable to talk to her until she turned 18, which she understood and respected. On her 18th birthday, Kaylie tweeted at me to let me know she was now legal to talk to, and we started up a friendly correspondence. I turned her onto Fetlife, and even her mother started following me on twitter. How cool is that? A mother AND her daughter following a BDSM kinkster on twitter?
And then one day Kaylie contacted me saying she had a situation and she wanted to know if I could help her. As it tuned out, her “situation” was that she was planning on trying anal sex for the 1st time, and she was wondering if I had any advice.
Well. Ask me about anal and be prepared to have your ear talked off. Enemas, cleaning, lube, prep and stretching… there are a lot of factors to consider. I got Kaylie’s number, called her up, and gave her a phone version of my anal play class, and then sent her off to have butt sex for the 1st time with strict instructions to let me know how it went. She texted me the next day to tell me everything worked perfectly. Awwww!! That was my girl, making me proud.
I never thought because of porn I would be calling up 18 year old girls in Pennsylvania and teaching them how to have successful first time butt sex, but that is the power of the internet for you… you gotta love it. I still check in on her now and then, I feel rather protective of this girl I have never met. She has turned into a bit of an anal expert, and I am happy to of been a part of that.
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Wednesday, September 12th, 2012 -- by Bacchus
A while back The Redheaded Slut had a new experience:
So I had anal sex for the first time this past weekend. I want to do it again. And again. And again with a dildo in my cunt. And again with hair-pulling and rope.
…
Yes, I enjoyed it. It was such a familiar, yet entirely new experience that I’m struggling to put it into words. There was an intensity of sensation, coupled with a sexy boyfriend saying dirty, filthy things to you as he fucks your ass…
Seriously. This should be happening every morning.
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Friday, June 29th, 2012 -- by Bacchus
Why is this man smiling?
Because he knows that pretty soon, she’ll be giving him this look:
Giving him that look, indeed (and this part is important) while he has his dick up her ass…
Pics are from this My Pickup Girls gallery.
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Thursday, June 7th, 2012 -- by Bacchus
This luscious erotic bookplate is by Belgian artist Frank-Ivo Van Damme:
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Monday, September 12th, 2011 -- by Bacchus
There’s less of this good old-fashioned sex blogging going around than there used to be. This tale of a lazy Sunday morning comes from At A Kinky House:
On Sunday morning, we both knew we ought to get up and be busy. We both had things that we thought we ought to do. Instead, we cuddled. He touched me until I was sucking on the sheet trying not to scream and brought me to orgasm repeatedly. As I often do when I am in the throes of pleasure and he’s not, I cast about anxiously, trying to think of something I could do to bring him to the point of bliss I was approaching. And then I hit upon one of his favorite fantasies.
I asked him to fuck my ass in the shower.
To my everlasting shock, he said he’d do it. With soap as the lube, as we had no modern option with us. And then he sent me to the closet for a wire coat hanger.
Now, the day before I had brought upstairs an entire selection of hangers that were unused in a downstairs closet. I was sure there would not be any old wire ones remaining. But I faithfully trotted across to the closet to look and was ecstatically relieved (and right). There were no wire hangers. The closest thing I could find was a heavy metal one I was sure would be inappropriate.
Not only did he think it was a reasonable substitute, he stuffed a pair of red panties in my mouth, bent me over and began whacking me with it. The thing was, to be honest, evil. Even with my soaked panties on, I could feel how deep it impacted my tush and I was sure he was leaving bruises.
He didn’t seem to care about my distress, but when my whimpers became a little louder than was perhaps wise, he stopped and sent me off to the shower.
Not long after, my forehead against the tile and my body bent forward enough that my breasts swung freely, he soaped up his cock with a bar of old-fashioned Ivory and pressed it against me. Against my anus, that is. I whimpered loudly as he fucked me, but between the shower, the bathroom fan and the air conditioning, I doubt the noise I made went much past the shower stall.
That’s one bar of Ivory soap that will never again be 99 and 44/100s percent pure…
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Sunday, August 21st, 2011 -- by Bacchus
You’ve got to love the innocent setups you used to get in vintage porn. These are the establishing shots for an orgy in a 1975 Color Climax publication called Anal Sex #15:
“Hi, guys! Are we ever happy to see you! We were getting bored just laying here naked … won’t you join us?”
They would:
Tuesday, August 9th, 2011 -- by Bacchus
In my Usenet comics directory I stumbled across some pages from Bike Boy by Zack. Bike Boy turns 18 and goes out looking for adventure. He finds it:
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Saturday, July 16th, 2011 -- by Bacchus
So there’s this thread on Reddit, see, with almost 9000 comments, on the topic: Admit it, what’s the creepiest thing you’ve ever done?
It’s fully of creepy. Reddit delivers.
But that’s not why I’m mentioning it.
No, I’ve got a mild interest in folk poetry, especially dirty doggerel. And there’s this one subthread, triggered by a guy who sent a modestly creepy “roses are red, violets are blue” poem to a girl via anonymous mail. And folks contributed numerous comments with their own creepy “roses are red” poetic contributions. It’s kinda fascinating actually, although it’s hard to read without thinking “geez, rape culture much?” (Actually that’s even more true of the whole Reddit thread. Apparently the distinction between “creepy” and “rapey” is narrower than I imagined.)
Anyway, here’s the anal sex one:
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Let’s make sweet love
In the hole where you poo
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Monday, April 25th, 2011 -- by Bacchus
There’s a tale called The Sultan’s Reverie in the December 1880 edition of The Pearl. It’s a brutal little thing, involving a bored sultan who decides to have some fun with a woman he inherited with his harem, who formerly intrigued against him. But I found this enthusiastic paragraph of Victorian anal worth reproducing here:
His excitement is now at its highest. He throws himself upon her, exclaiming: “Holy Prophet, Holy Prophet, that puts me in mind of your bottom-hole!” Throwing her legs over his shoulders, he first plunges his bursting instrument into her cunny, well to lubricate it, then presents the head to her dark brown fundus; he thrusts furiously and soon gains a partial insertion. “Oh! Oh! You’ll split me!” she screams; “not there, not there, I never would allow the Sultan to do that. Oh, oh! Never. What shame! What filthiness!” she sighs as he pushes on and on, to complete possession, and he rests a little after his exertions, but the nervous nippings and contractions of the fundamental canal are too exciting. He spends a stream of his essence into her bowels which she involuntary meets with a slight heave of her bottom. Both of them exhausted, they remain quite still for some few minutes, affording him infinite pleasure, as he causes his dilated instrument to respond to the contracting pulsations of her anus.
“Are you finished now, you wanton?” withdrawing from her body with a noise something like the drawing of a cork, so tightly is the muscle of her bottom contracted around his still inflamed affair. “Ah, ha! how tightly you hold! Haven’t you had enough?”
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Thursday, April 7th, 2011 -- by Bacchus
A tweet from @AdeleHaze:
Got harrassed in the street with offer of anal sex. Informed the dickhead that I had a plastic cock and lots of lube if he was keen.
Too gentle, though. Dude wouldn’t have offered lube if things played out the way he meant it…
Sunday, April 3rd, 2011 -- by Bacchus
The alternative title I considered for this post: How to Get Instantly Suspended From Your High School — Wear This Shirt
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Tuesday, March 29th, 2011 -- by Bacchus
Here’s my favorite sort of thing to link to on ErosBlog — a passionate and philosophical treatise on a sexual practice that will be unfamiliar to some readers. This time it’s Ryan O’Connell’s What It Feels Like To Get F*cked In The Ass:
I’m going to try to put the feeling of anal sex into words so you can get an idea of how crazysexyintense it is. First of all, anal sex cannot be an on-the-fly decision. If I’m getting fucked in the ass, I need to know way in advance so I can prepare properly. The guy needs to send me a private Facebok event invitation titled, “Ryan O’Connell gets fucked in the ass.” with a set date and time. I can then have the luxury of choosing “Attending”, “Maybe Attending” or “Not Attending.” If I choose to attend, I need to start doing some serious yoga to Sade or Enya. When that’s done, I’ll give a pep talk to my asshole and be like, “Hey babe! I know you’ve been in retirement or whatever, but you need to get ready because something’s coming to an orifice near you. Don’t hate me! You’ll like it. And don’ try any funny business tonight. I’ll be mortified if you-know-what happens!”
Thanks to Sexoteric for finding the link.
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Wednesday, October 20th, 2010 -- by Bacchus
If you can’t fuck a woman in the ass without also stepping on her head, maybe you’ve been watching too much gonzo porn.
I’m just sayin’.
Tuesday, October 19th, 2010 -- by Bacchus
I would be remiss if I did not link you to William Salatan’s article The Riddle of the Sphincter: Why do women who have anal sex get more orgasms?
The survey data is real; it’s the explanation that’s uncertain. So he lays out more than a dozen possible theories to explain the data, and it’s quite an interesting read:
9. Love and trust cause orgasms and anal sex.
One woman writes:
The more I love and trust someone, the more likely I am to have an orgasm while with him–and the more likely I am to be okay with pushing society’s “norms” with him. Similarly, the more he proves that he knows what he’s doing, the more likely I am to let him do something that could potentially really, really hurt me.
This is the most uplifting theory. It implies that the sample of women who report regular anal sex is heavily biased toward intimate relationships. The data strongly support this. Compared with women who are single and dating, women in a relationship are only about 50 percent more likely, at best, to report vaginal sex in the last 90 days. But they’re two to three times more likely to report anal sex. And women who live with their boyfriends are more likely to report anal sex–but not more likely to report vaginal sex–than women who don’t. Anal sex, more so than vaginal sex, seems to correlate with intimacy and commitment.
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Tuesday, October 5th, 2010 -- by Bacchus
Filenames from Usenet suggest this is from a comic called Ferocious Harem. Google confirms that such a thing exists, but doesn’t illuminate me much. It’s purdy, though:
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Monday, August 23rd, 2010 -- by Bacchus
Spanking Blog ponders this approximately 85-word tattoo and wonders “can you imagine pounding that ass doggie-style every few days, week in and week out, seeing that verse heaving in front of you every time?”
Me, I’m the kind of guy for whom the catastrophic apostrophic mishap in line six would be a boner-killer. But wave the magic laser wand and deem that fixed, for the sake of the thought experiment. I’m still reminded of an old chestnut of a Robert Service poem called The Ballad of Salvation Bill.
It’s about a preacher trapped in a Klondike cabin all winter with a sinner of a prospector who has tobacco but no rolling papers. The prospector eyes the preacher’s bible, the preacher won’t share single page for smoking, and it’s a long hard winter for awhile. There’s violence, and melodrama, and eventually there’s an agreement: he can smoke the Bible pages, but he has to read them first. But you guessed it:
I smoked and smoked from Genesis to Job,
And as I smoked I read each blessed word;
While in the shadow of his bunk I heard him sigh and sob,
And then… a most peculiar thing occurred.
I got to reading more and more, and smoking less and less…
It would be a terrible shame if this tract of a tattoo had a similarly depressing effect.
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Friday, August 20th, 2010 -- by Bacchus
Just stumbled over this post title while looking for something else. Talk about inspired tawdriness:
From Behind. On A Mattress. In A Basement.
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Saturday, April 3rd, 2010 -- by Bacchus
I’d fallen behind on my reading and made the mistake of missing some Savage Love columns, so it was only yesterday I discovered I managed to scoop Dan Savage by a whole week.
It was back in February, when I responded to the whole dumbass-politician “wriggling it around in excrement” view of anal sex with a simple internet memo: UR DOIN IT RONG.
But I’m not…y’know…an anal sex authority. So it’s pleased I am to discover that Dan Savage weighed in, a week after me, in a very similar vein and in a whole lot more detail:
Nancy Elliott, a state representative in New Hampshire, wants to ban same-sex marriage in that state–where it’s been legal for less than three months–and here’s her reasoning: “We’re talking about taking the penis of one man and putting it in the rectum of another man and wiggling it around in excrement. And you have to think… would I allow that to be done to ME?”
Where to begin? How about here…
If you’re wiggling your penis around in excrement when you’re having anal sex, Representative Elliott, you’re doing it wrong. You would think this would be obvious even to people who’ve never had anal sex, but apparently not. So let me break it down for you, Representative Elliott: You don’t have anal sex with an ass full of shit for the same reason you don’t have oral sex with a mouth full of food. It’s messy and no one wants a mess. (Except for the people who do want a mess, of course, but they’re a blessed rarity.) An empty, douched, and lubed anal cavity is just as delightful as an empty, flossed, and brushed oral cavity.
I will concede that excrement is for anal what Representative Elliott is for the New Hampshire State Legislature: a PR disaster. But excrement-free anal sex is easy. Make sure there’s some fiber in your diet, be regular, and only go for it when you’re empty–no anal during your butt menses!–and you’ll never get excrement on a wigglin’ dick.
And now a question for you, Representative Elliott: Are you really sure you want to make it illegal for buttfuckers to get married?
“According to a 2005 survey conducted by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention,” Baconcat wrote on Slog, The Stranger‘s blog, in reaction to Elliott’s remarks, “40 percent of men and 35 percent of women between 25 and 44 had engaged in heterosexual anal sex. Some studies put the incidence of anal sex in the heterosexual population as low as 24 percent and some as high as 56 percent. Averaging those numbers, let’s say 38.8 percent of heterosexuals engage in anal sex. Ninety-six percent of Americans are straight. There are 190,000,000 adults between the ages of 18 and 65 in the United States, so that means 70,771,200 adults are engaging in heterosexual anal sex. Four percent of the adult population is gay, or 7,600,000 people. Roughly half–3,800,000–are gay males. Polls indicate that between 55 and 80 percent of gay males participate in anal sex. Taking the average–67.5 percent–that means the number of gay men having anal sex comes to 2,565,000.”
Math is hard, Representative Elliott, but see if you can’t wiggle this into your cranial cavity: 70,771,200 is more–a whole lot more–than 2,565,000. If you really want to protect the sacred sanctity of marriage from the unholy taint of penises wiggling in rectums, Representative Elliott, you need to ban straight marriage first. (We needn’t protect marriage from lesbians, of course, as lesbians don’t have anuses.)
Wednesday, February 17th, 2010 -- by Bacchus
Somebody really needs to give New Hampshire State Representative Nancy Elliot a quick course on the purposes, means, and procedures for fulfilling anal sex. Because this is what she thinks about it (yes, there is video):
“We’re talking about taking the penis of one man and putting it in the rectum of another man and wriggling it around in excrement.”
Or, maybe somebody should tell her she just needs a good facial?
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Tuesday, October 6th, 2009 -- by Bacchus
Despite the tiredness of the titular pun, a literal exemplar has turned up in a comic called “The Black Czarina” by one Salomon Grundig. The other title I considered for this post was “The World’s Fanciest Cock Ring”, but when the talk balloon reads “My shaft is girded in armor that will prove very effective in producing pain when it enters your little ass” I figured I should go with the destruction headline:
I’m sparing you all, gentle readers, from the next panel with the splashing red ink.
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Wednesday, September 16th, 2009 -- by Bacchus
Daze has an amusing commentary on the Bowdlerization practices at Fox Movie Channel:
Last night Fox Movie Channel showed Die Hard three times in a row. FMC shows movies letterboxed, commercial-free and mostly uncensored, though its repertoire is very limited. Even half-watching while working online, I noticed something odd about the current state of standards and practices.
FMC left the line “Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker” intact. Ditto the line “Asshole? I’m not the one who just got butt-fucked on national TV”. FMC is down with anal humor, good for them.
Here’s what you can’t say on FMC: “Smoke em if you got em”. That line was overdubbed to “Light em if you got em”.
WTF?!? I loathe tobacco smoke as much as anyone, but censoring old movies to remove smoking references is a terrible, terrible idea. Especially classics like Die Hard.
Sunday, July 19th, 2009 -- by Bacchus
Did I just write “surplus zucchini?” I repeat myself.
Have twice refused well-intentioned gifts of zucchini and squash in just the past week, I can testify that it’s the time of year when surplus zucchini bags itself up and roams the neighborhood, looking for unguarded porches to colonize. There’s a modern American folk tale in common currency about the man so desperate to rid himself of surplus zucchini that he bagged it up and left it in his unlocked car in a busy parking lot, hoping someone would steal it. When he came back, what did he find? Why, three bags of zucchini!
Rule 34: If it exists, there is porn of it.
Proof: This post at Spanking Blog. Click the first link in the post for the most graphic demonstration one could hope for.
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Tuesday, June 23rd, 2009 -- by Bacchus
Everything Butt — announced in this space on Saturday — has now gone live, along with another new Kink.com feature I quite like, which is some ability to preview the movie from the shoot before downloading. This last feature contributed to my discovery of something that’s rare in porn: the genuine laugh-out-loud moment.
I won’t spoil it for you. In the movie from the shoot, you’ll see Mark Davis plumbing the surprisingly-capacious and hitherto-unsuspected depths of Kylie Ireland’s anal vicinity. He’s using the “toy” shown in this photo:
She’s bent way over, he’s plumbing away, then suddenly he bends over a little bit himself and says… well, you just have to hear it for yourself. I literally laughed out loud, and then a beat later, so did Kylie — whom you wouldn’t have expected to be in a laughing frame of mind. It’s good dirty fun.
Thursday, June 18th, 2009 -- by Bacchus
The panels below are details from an unknown French-language graphic novel that appears to feature lustful adventures in some sort of harem:
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Monday, June 1st, 2009 -- by Bacchus
I surrender. Pursuit of truth must yield to gender solidarity in this instance. This really works, honest!
Perhaps you may remember this post from 2007, discussing a seemingly-innocent query on a health forum from a young lady whose boyfriend had convinced her that regular anal sex would help her enlarge her “really flat butt”. I assumed then it was a prank or a troll post, but it was so funny I had to share it. I never imagined it was an actual meme at large in society.
The evidence from my search logs suggests otherwise. Today I got a search for “will anal sex ass bigger?”
Uh, yes. Yes, it will. But you have to do it a lot.
Moving on: there’s a sense in which we are, all of us, constructing a very imperfect model of the universe in our minds, to enable us to predict the consequences of our actions. This model, necessarily primitive, includes rules and concepts regarding how things work. What must a person’s causation model look like, I wonder, for the “anal sex could make my butt bigger” meme to fit comfortably within it? Of what other notions could such a person be profitably persuaded?
Friday, May 29th, 2009 -- by Bacchus
Our own Chelsea Summers (Or “Chelsea Girl” as she used to style herself at her Pretty Dumb Things blog) has written an eye-opening article at Filthy Gorgeous Things about some smutty letters penned by James Joyce, he of the notoriously impenetrable fiction so-often inflicted on young and bewildered students of English literature. His lustful missives have the virtue of being in plainer and more functional language than we usually expect from Joyce:
My love for you allows me to pray to the spirit of eternal beauty and tenderness mirrored in your eyes or to fling you down under me on that soft belly of yours and fuck you up behind, like a hog riding a sow, glorying in the very stink and sweat that rises from your arse, glorying in the open shame of your upturned dress and white girlish drawers.
…
It was the dirtiest fucking I ever gave you, darling. My prick was stuck up in you for hours, fucking in and out under your upturned rump. I felt your fat sweaty buttocks under my belly and say your flushed face and mad eyes. At every fuck I gave you your shameless tongue came bursting out through your lips and if I gave you a bigger stronger fuck than usual fat dirty farts came spluttering out of your backside. You had an arse full of farts that night, darling, and I fucked them out of you, big fat fellows, long windy ones, quick little merry cracks and a lot of tiny little naughty farties ending in a long gush from your hole.
I won’t spoil more of Chelsea’s article. You’ll just have to read it.
Thursday, February 28th, 2008 -- by Bacchus
Apologies to those who find this too graphic, but there’s so much censored manga out there, it’s almost refreshing to find some so explicitly uncensored:
Via alt. binaries. pictures. erotica. anime.
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Thursday, October 4th, 2007 -- by Bacchus
Generally when you hear a dirty limerick, you’ve heard it a thousand times before. This one was new to me:
“I like anal sex, if you please”
Said Ginger while down on her knees
“I’m firm and I’m tight,
I’m an utter delight!
And I promise that I won’t cut the cheese!”
Wednesday, September 12th, 2007 -- by Bacchus
Always Aroused Girl got asked, essentially, “why in the hell…?” More specifically, “why would a woman need anal sex, when she’s got a vagina, the ideal self-lubrified device that mother nature specially crafted for the purpose?”
She responded, in part:
Sometimes we do things not because we need to, but because we want to. Because we really REALLY want to. Because for months or even years, we’ve wanted to. Because something deep inside our tiny reptilian brains screams out in a voice that cannot be ignored, “Penetrate my bottom!”
And if you are wise, if you love your ass (and why wouldn’t you love your ass?) you will listen to that part of your brain, because (and this is the secret) ass sex feels really great to some people. It feels really great to some men and some women. It feels really great to some straight folks and some not-straight folks.
It doesn’t feel better than vaginal sex, nor does it feel worst than vaginal sex. It just feels different. It feels different in the same way that oral sex feels different than vaginal sex. It feels different in the same way that blue looks different from red. It feels different in the same way that lasagna tastes different from steak.
None of those things are intrinsically better or worse. They are just different.
If you are among those folks for whom anal sex feels really great, you’ll know what I mean, Annie. You’ll know exactly why it’s worth the effort to prepare your ass (and your mind) for anal sex. You’ll know exactly why you devote the time to working with your partner toward anal sex.
You do it because buttsex feels really great, and it feels really great to share that really great feeling with your partner.
And the only way you’ll know if you are one of the folks who loves anal sex is if you try anal sex.
But Annie, please don’t have anal sex until you know you want to try. When you are ready to try, a small voice in your head will start begging. You’ll be enjoying your traditional sexual activities when suddenly you’ll hear, “Play with me, please!”
And you’ll discover that it’s your ass begging for attention. If that happens, consider exploring buttsex.
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Friday, June 22nd, 2007 -- by Bacchus
This has to be a troll / prank post. It has to be. Please, nobody could be so stupid, it has to be.
Please?
If it were real, it would be the ultimate answer to that “why are men always chasing those dumb bimbos, the ones so dumb they can’t breathe without reminders” complaint you sometimes hear from smart women:
I have a really flat butt. My boyfriend read that anal sex will help make it bigger, but only if he shoots his sperm deep inside. We used to have anal sex sometimes. He always wore a condom before. Now we have anal sex and he shoots really deep inside me and i keep it there.
I think I like this even if it doesn’t make my butt biggerer. He says my butt does look bigger, but I can’t tell. Has anyone else heard of thjis? Will his sperms in my butt make it bigger?
Via Sexoteric.
Friday, April 6th, 2007 -- by Bacchus
Since ErosBlog doesn’t do politics, I haven’t posted about the current scandal involving a lying attorney general and the eight U.S. Attorneys fired — as CNN so delicately puts it — for being “insufficiently partisan.” But I’ve thought it odd that the television news has consistently covered this story without reporting, or even speculating, on exactly what it was that these prosecutors did — or didn’t — do, that caused them to incur the wrath of the president at whose pleasure they serve.
The reason, it turns out, is porn. Specifically, mainstream commercial porn involving consenting adults. The common thread binding these eight prosecutors is their refusal to prosecute commercial pornographers (often because they lacked the resources to prosecute the much uglier child porn cases on their desks, or because they understand that prosecuting mainstream porn is a great way to lose cases in today’s America.)
I toyed with the idea of a post with all the details, but it felt too much like work, and I’ve been busy. Fortunately, Susie Bright’s a lot more industrious — and a much better and more prolific writer — than I am, and she’s done the work. Sample:
Do you know what the eight fired prosecutors have in common?
All of them declined to press obscenity charges on cases that the DOJ was desperately running up a flagpole without success.
Now, why? – since we know these prosecutors are Republicans who would love to win a solid case– why would they frown on pursuing such charges?
Bush’s DOJ Porno Task Force told the prosecutors to go after X-rated entertainment companies who make adult, consensual productions–grown-ups with contracts! This time, the focus was supposed to be on subject material like piss, scat, bestiality, and… S/M. They were counting on a big “ick” factor!
But the Super-8 aren’t all that stupid, and they know what happens in obscenity trials when you go after the 1st Amendment. They could paper the White House with case history. They won’t chase these clown cars, because, as Paulie Walnuts might put it, “they’re weak, they’re out of control, and… an embarrassment to yourself and everyone else.”
What the hell is an “S/M” video, after all? Are you going to go after Hollywood for releasing 9 1/2 Weeks? Any defense lawyer worth his salt is going to bring in Pasolini’s Salo, portraits of Abu Gharib victims, and documentaries on cattle insemination to pose the question: What is context? What about taste? What crime has been committed? Legitimate film producers, be they “adult,” mainstream, or hybrid, are not going to take it lying down.
You know when President Reagan went after porn in the 80s, he told his Attorney General, Edwin Meese, to focus on gay sex, anal sex, and black-white couples– and to charge them in Texas. And it still backfired.
Better yet, Susie’s got links to the pertinent investigative reporting.
Comments Off on The Hidden Porn Scandal
Monday, March 26th, 2007 -- by Bacchus
From a sex basics article for “guy virgins” about the practicalities of sex you don’t learn by reading, or by watching porn:
Messiness
You probably know this already, but overall sex is messier than what you see on TV or in porn.
- You’re going to get hot and sweaty of course.
- The woman’s lubrication is going to dribble all over the place and possibly stain the sheets. Someone is going to get semen on them at some point. Condom wrappers are going to litter the ground. You may kiss passionately and slobber all over each other.
- Sometimes when you’re doing a girl she’ll fart. I heard it has something to do with the thrusting pushing air into her abdomen but don’t quote me.
- Sometimes when you pull out and she changes positions she’ll fart out her pussy (queefing).
- If you have sex when she’s on her period, well use your imagination.
- If you have anal sex you may get some poo on your dick.
- If you have a good session, when you’re done you’re going to be sweaty, red faced, tired, and a bit out of it. Your hair will be messed up, gross stray hairs will be stuck to your skin, the girl will have a bit of white goop running out of her cootch. You’ll have a bit of cum dribbling out of your dick. There will be at least one condom wrapper on the floor, the sheets and pillows will be all over the place, and the bed will have a wet spot on it. If you cuddle after you’ll start to stick together and it’ll feel gross when you pull apart. It’s great.
Link via Sexoteric.
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Thursday, February 15th, 2007 -- by Bacchus
Double penetration is all well and good, but when the anal sex guy strikes milk, watch out! It’s a gusher!
I swear, that well’s gonna be good for at least thirty barrels a day….
Sunday, December 3rd, 2006 -- by Bacchus
This anecdote from The Butterfly Temptress gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “buttering her up”:
His kisses became more insistent and soon we were naked in the moonlight. He’s not big on foreplay but just being close to him was doing enough to warm me up. I laid against him and stroked his hard cock, wishing for all I was worth that I could have him inside of me but I knew it couldn’t happen. He’d never go for making love in my parents house.
He whispered into my ear “I want to be in you. I need to be in your ass.”
I thought I misheard him. I giggled and moved to put my mouth on him. Oral sex wasn’t intercourse, so it didn’t count as sex, right? Yeah right. I was willing to tell myself anything to keep from feeling guilty for being such a hot little whore.
“Get the lube out of the suitcase and hurry up.”
I let his cock slip from my lips and I mumbled something about not packing it because he told me not to worry about it. He pulled me up where I could repeat it again. Then I mentioned that there might be Vaseline in the bathroom in an attempt to keep him in the mood while I thought of something else.
“Go look then come back. I want to fuck your ass so bad.”
I wrapped a blanket around me sarong style and tiptoed into the bathroom. On my hands and knees I rummaged under the sink without success. The medicine cabinet was also without Vaseline or anything that would have worked as lubricant. Knowing full well that I was out of luck, I dashed back to the bedroom to report in.
“There wasn’t anything? Not even baby oil?” he asked in a tone that told me he was quickly losing patience.
I giggled for a minute then replied, “We could always use butter. Or vegetable oil. Maybe even Crisco shortening.” I collapsed against him in a fit of full out laughter. The thought of fucking with baking supplies cracked me up.
“Go get some. Butter or vegetable oil, I don’t care. I’m going to fuck your ass.”
I didn’t believe him until he swatted me on the ass. Then I dressed in my pajama shirt and went to the kitchen. It was quiet as a tomb and I was sure that Mama would appear any minute and ask what I was doing with my hand in her butter bowl. I scooped a rather large amount onto a paper towel then scampered back to our room. For the love of God, I knew right then and there that I was going to hell.
Not only was I about to fornicate in my parents house, I was unmarried. To top it all off, I was about to have unmarried butt sex in my parents house. Now you tell me how the world I was going to answer for that on Judgment Day?
He kissed me full on the mouth and took the paper towel from my hand. My cunt was dripping wet and I wanted him more than ever. I needed him.
He urged me onto all fours and situated himself between my legs. I felt the slippery coolness of the Blue Bonnet at my opening as he fingered my ass. Doing something so shameless made me hotter than I’d been in a long time and he knew it. His breathing was as erratic as mine and I knew that once he had his beautifully buttered cock in my ass he would fill me to overflowing in no time.
With minimal thrusting his cock was in me. Though it was odd, the knowledge that I was having buttered butt sex, it was more comfortable than anal sex had ever been. I felt every twitch, every pulse of him as he worked his manhood in and out of me.
In a matter of seconds we were both on the edge. I felt his slippery fingers slide against my clit and my cunt began to milk his cock in earnest. Moments later he came harder than I can ever remember him coming before.
He laid beside me as I cleaned his now relaxed cock. My body was on fire and my heart was full of love for the man who had just once again helped me check off yet another item on my “To Do Before I Die” list. As he pulled me onto his chest and we drifted off to sleep I couldn’t help but wonder how many other people had intimate and literal knowledge of being buttered up.
Thanks to Sexoteric for the link.
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Thursday, September 21st, 2006 -- by Bacchus
A woman inquired recently in the comments on another post what the big deal is, with the whole anal sex thing. Of which I was reminded, when I found a woman with an enthusiastic answer:
I love having my ass filled. The plug we have, although adequate, could be a bit bigger. When I read about vibrating plugs, my little sphincter reacts with a happy twinge. The feeling of cold lube touching the rim of my ass is so divine. The first finger inserted changes the rate of my heart, I find my entire being focused on the sensations I’m receiving and the ecstasy that will soon follow. The first resistance as MoJo’s cock slides in to meet my tight ring prompts me to relax and welcome him into my body. God, I love having my ass filled.
From the Giardino Del Piacere archives.
Thursday, September 14th, 2006 -- by Bacchus
Ok, ok, sometimes we men are pigs. Certainly the old “Oops, I slipped it in the wrong hole” game never won us any style points, nor good anal either. But ladies, c’mon — isn’t this going a little too far in the other direction?
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Thursday, August 31st, 2006 -- by Bacchus
I guffawed (yes, I did, and when was the last time you heard a good old-fashioned guffaw?) when reading A Henchwoman’s Survivalists Guide to Laying Down the Hardline in the Bedroom:
Here are some examples of “unsavoryâ€? male behaviors, questions, and criticisms, and suggested ways to combat them. Take note, I have found a great deal of success using these modes of combat in the sexual battlefield.
Penis-bearing overlord: “Honey, I would really like to do/try anal sex.â€?
Upstart female: “Really? Me too! Why don’t you assume the position, I will be right back with the toys and lube / bar of butter and a broom handle. You’re going to want to relax, babe.â€?
…
Penis-bearing overlord: “I wish you had bigger tits.â€?
Upstart Female: “Well, I wish you had smaller tits and a bigger cock, but I don’t make a big deal about it now, do I?â€?
…
Penis-bearing overlord: “You don’t cook/clean as well as my mom.â€?
Upstart female: “I am sure I don’t suck dick as well as she does either.â€?
Thanks to Mistress Matisse for the link.
Saturday, March 18th, 2006 -- by Bacchus
Sometimes I have to link to an article (like this one on playing with anal toys) as much for the post title as for the content. How can you not read an article entitled A Spy In The House Of Ass?
My girl’s eyes grow wide as I remove the fatter butt plug from its packaging and brandish it before her. “You wanna put that in me?”
“C’mon, it’s not that big. I had mine in for like half an hour.”
She relents. I watch, fascinated, as her little asshole expands to accommodate the plug at its widest cross-section and then collapses around the narrow neck above the base, locking the toy into position. Leslie sighs. I pull her to the edge of the mattress, push her legs against her chest and plunge into her cunt. “Now you have both holes filled, you little slut!”
And when she comes the butt plug shoots out of her, bouncing off the wooden floor like a rubber ball. We both giggle. I switch holes — if the butt plug won’t keep her rear-end occupied I will — and it’s not long before I burst inside her, my knees threatening to buckle.
Friday, December 9th, 2005 -- by Aphrodite
This month’s I Did It for Science is about, you guessed it, the joys of anal sex.
I returned to the mirror, took another look and slowly touched my anus. “Imagine how mom and dad might feel if they knew what you were doing,” the book proposed.
An image of my mother crying popped into my head. My father tried to comfort her, saying, “At least she has a job.” The book encourages anal explorers to write an imaginary letter to their parents explaining what they are doing and why. I skipped the letter. If I had to write an imaginary letter for every action I performed that my parents would deem disturbing, I’d never get anything done.
Doesn’t that sound familiar! The rest of the tale is fairly funny…..but not nearly as hot as the Evil Science Chick’s story.
Friday, October 14th, 2005 -- by Bacchus
As a followup to the popular Ass Fuck Conspiracy post, let me share some prefatory material from a brief male-written anal sex guide I just stumbled across:
Alright, so you’ve finally worked up the nerve to ask the question to the woman you’re seeing. Would she like to have anal sex? She looks at you with a grim look on her face and flatly says “No way.” Foolishly you ask her why, thinking that somehow you’ll be able to convince her otherwise. “I tried it once before with another guy. It just hurt too much. I never want to do that again.”
That’s the guy I hate. The guy who ruins anal sex for women for the rest of their lives because they have no clue what they’re doing.
Thursday, September 29th, 2005 -- by Bacchus
Two tidbits today from the vast and tasty smorgasbord that is Panties Panties Panties. First, the anal sex. There’s a recent post called “Ass: The Gateway Drug“. The post combines plenty of prurient detail with an anal sex tip that’s not always found in those dry how-to articles; namely, that good humor is at least as important as the standard “use oceans of lube” advice. But it’s the title that amused me most. It reminded me of the ancient joke: “Why don’t [insert your favorite moralistic prigs here] have sex standing up? Because it could lead to dancing!”
Tidbit the second, nonsexual: In a spiritual echo of my recent slam against office work, Hiromi posted about idleness and wage slavery and included a vignette about soul-crushing commutes:
Today I was stuck in Austin rush hour traffic. Grey-faced, prune-lipped, baggy-eyed commuters with cell phones grafted to their heads crammed in their metal hutches inching along in the 105 degree heat. And for what?
Werk. Jaabs. Wage slavery.
Folks, the horrifying thing about all of this is that it’s voluntary; there are ways out of the rat race, but you have to look hard and perhaps be willing to give up (at least temporarily) some of the excellent pellets they feed you.
Sunday, June 26th, 2005 -- by Bacchus
In concluding a funny post about cooking, drinking, and anal sex, Brett from Panties Panties Panties Panties Panties Panties Panties writes:
Then we came home, cooked, and committed a venal sin with relish. Sodomy is a venal sin, isn’t it?
And all I can think is “Relish? Seems like that would be lumpy. And sting.”
Thursday, May 5th, 2005 -- by Bacchus
This is (and I am most emphatically not making this up) is the logo for the Institute of Oriental Studies at the Federal University of Santa Catarina, Brazil:
Wednesday, April 20th, 2005 -- by Bacchus
I go to blog after blog, and it seems like today they are all discussing the new pope. I already turned off the TV because it was “all pope, all the time” on the news channels. Since I don’t have anything to add to that conversation, how about a dirty joke with a nun in it?
A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won’t stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, “I have a question to ask you, but I don’t want to offend you.”
She answers, “My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.”
He says, “Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have anal sex with a nun.”
She responds, “Well, I can probably help you with that. Are you single? And you must be Catholic.”
The cab driver is very excited and says, “Yes, I am single and I’m Catholic too!”
The nun says, “OK, pull into the next alley.”
He does and the nun fulfils his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
“My dear child, said the nun, why are you crying?” “Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I’m married and I’m Jewish.”
The nun says, “That’s OK. My name is Kevin, and I’m on my way to a Halloween party.”
Bad Kevin, bad!
Similar Sex Blogging:
Sunday, April 17th, 2005 -- by Bacchus
From wik3dchick, this damning mini-review of KY Warming Liquid:
I gave away my KY Warming Liquid to a deserving person. That stuff only got warm but didnt lube at all… So its like having anal sex w/a lighter in your asshole. Sucks.
All righty, then.
Tuesday, March 22nd, 2005 -- by Bacchus
…her mother said “Nelly,
there’s more in your belly
than ever went in by your mouth!”
This next link, when clicked, delivers a grainy postage-stamp-sized anal sex video, an extremely explicit one. That’s all the warning you are going to get:
(Link)
Thanks (I think) to Marylu for emailing the link.
Saturday, February 19th, 2005 -- by Bacchus
You have to love a blog entry that starts:
“And then I am kneeling on the bed, ass up in the air, and I am not quite sure how I got this way.”
Sarah’s tone in that opener reminds me of the old cliche of the pregnant young miss who breathlessly exclaims “I don’t know how this could possibly have happened to me!”
Thursday, February 17th, 2005 -- by Bacchus
I’ve always fancied that ErosBlog should be a force for social good. Now here’s proof. Among its many and manifest positive social benefits, ErosBlog encourages evil science chicks to blog about anal sex. What’s not to like about that?
{drums fingers}
Evilsciencechick, we are waiting….
Friday, August 20th, 2004 -- by Bacchus
I don’t exactly know what to make of this, but it’s certainly apropos to the threads about diamonds. In fact, I’m just pulling it out of the comments to the Buying Sex With Diamonds thread so people can see it.
I blew more than $30k on my wife’s new 3.2 ct. ring for our 15th anniversary in June. I had long since given up on ever getting any booty action, but she is the perfect wife otherwise, so I wanted to really show her my love and regard.
Well, she was just stunned, I mean speechless. That very night she rolled over for me and invited me into the cavern of my dreams. YES!
The best part is, it turns out she actually found that she liked it. She is becoming a little anal freak and I love it. At first she would just move so things “slipped” a little during lovemaking, but now she is absolutely shameless… rolling over, spreading her cheeks, and demanding sodomic satisfaction in the filthiest terms.
I would gladly have paid three times more to achieve these results. I am a happy, happy, happy, but much poorer man.
Monday, August 2nd, 2004 -- by Bacchus
A recent Adrants article reproduces two spoof diamond ads which recycle this old joke with a sharper edge. Ouch!
As for the place where Adrants found the spoof ads: I’d love to link it, but not while it’s got a craven popup that makes you click “OK” before you can see the page. Memo to Luke Ford: Which side are you on?
Saturday, January 17th, 2004 -- by Bacchus
While I’ve been busy, Belle de Jour has been up to her usual fun. In an amusing post, she explains that “Anal sex is the new black” and writes:
I fully anticipate by next year Charlotte Church will have a glittery t-shirt that reads ‘My Barbie takes it up the ass.’ Maybe I should make one and send it to her.
Ha!
Sunday, November 30th, 2003 -- by Bacchus
Submissive sex appears to be the conversational topic o’ the week in the sex blogosphere. First our man at Moving On wrote a fantasy and a follow-up piece, and then Lilith weighed in with an “it’s not for me” reaction that treaded perilously close to being an “it’s icky and so are dominant guys” piece. To be clear: she didn’t say that; but she said “it’s not for me” several ways and then went on a digression (that was unfortunately not obviously a digression) about why she can’t stand domineering guys, and she did it in a way that made it seem like she was lumping all dominant guys into a domineering jerk category. This, it turns out, was apparently not the point she was trying to make — as discussion in her comment area, and a later follow-up that’s much more in line with her normal tone of acceptance of alternate lifestyle approaches, make clear. (Really, it was a fine example of that old Usenet netiquette principle: If someone says something that seems surprisingly out of character for them, or looks like a radical change to the philosophy you expect from them, they are probably being misunderstood and you ought to wait for them to clarify before you jump all over them. I’m glad I waited.)
I myself am enormously entertained by a dominance-and-submission dynamic, even though (and I see no contradictions, although many do) I’m as radical as any you’ll find in my support of self-ownership, personal autonomy, and equality-of-everything-that-matters between men and women. If a woman submits to me, it’s a matter of meta-consent as far as I’m concerned; I’m not uncomfortable (quite the contrary!) taking an atavistic dominant role that would be philosophically horrifying, but for my knowledge that at root, she’s free to change the terms of our relationship, or end it, if it isn’t fulfilling her.
And speaking of fulfilling her, I can’t resist stirring the pot with a sexy submissive report from Sarah at Submissive Reflections, whose nice email to me indicated she only has three readers. Well, Sarah, I’m pleased to share my three thousand or so with you, at least for a day or two:
The first time W/we had sex was a week after He had kissed me and accepted that I was His. It happened to be my birthday. Neither of U/us were waiting for it, it just happened to be the first chance W/we had to be alone together as work was keeping Him busy and out of town. When He came to my place He simply said hello and bit my neck and pulled my skirt up and my panties down and pushed me to the floor and fucked me. There was no foreplay and no words of tenderness. It was just a matter of raw hungry sex. Within minutes He withdrew from me and turned me to my stomach, pulling me to my knees and hands while growling at me to ‘present’ and whilst I was still trying to get my bearings I felt His cock press against my ass. I felt so incredibly turned on. He slid His cock slowly inside my ass, stopping when I clenched and gasped, then pushing into my ass again. I couldn’t believe He was ass fucking me without a word being spoken about it between U/us. When His cock was fully inside me He lay over me and bit my shoulders and neck. He used one hand in my hair to pull my head back and reached for my mouth with His tongue. I closed my lips over it and sucked on His tongue and He came in my ass, growling and grunting and filling me with semen. He collapsed against me and I collapsed against the floor and He kept Himself inside me while He licked and bit and sucked at my neck. He whispered ‘Happy birthday Princess’ in my ear and I felt like I was the luckiest girl alive.
When W/we talked about it later He told me that He hadn’t asked if I liked anal sex because His kind of woman prefered not to be given options. He also knew that I would do anything to please Him, and that had been what pleased Him. Had it repulsed me, He said He would have had to rethink what He wanted as anything that did not make me ‘pant with lust’ would not please Him either. I remember feeling tinier than I had ever felt when I was lying wrapped up in His arms. I had never felt so safe and protected and loved.
Tuesday, November 25th, 2003 -- by Bacchus
OK, this is pretty funny: Technical Virgin. They say:
But there is a way for youths to enjoy rich and satisfying sexual intimacy without risking unwanted pregnancy ANAL SEX! The anus, tighter than any vagina and tinged with the thrill of the taboo, is the perfect venue for modern teen lust.
Of course, the safest way for teens to avoid unwanted pregnancy while satisfying their carnal needs is to limit themselves to homoerotic encounters until they are ready for procreation. But many boys and girls are uncomfortable with the idea of same-sex encounters. Anal sex, however, can be fun for both sexes, and thanks to modern improvements in strap-on sex tools, girls can enjoy being in control of their own anal encounters.
So, teens, the next time you strip down for sex, remember the TechnicalVirgin motto “Everything Butt!”
A fine parody of the ridiculous “abstain from sex for the ten or twenty years between sexual maturity and the time you get married” message that’s being flogged as an alternative to sex education these days.
Friday, October 10th, 2003 -- by Bacchus
Emmie at Girls in the Bag doesn’t worry about sex toy baggage, mostly, but she does have her limits:
the person whose toys i will refuse to use is the one to whom i have to explain why we can’t have anal sex and then regular sex in that order.
I do believe this question is setting an all-time ErosBlog record for interested and interesting responses!
Tuesday, August 5th, 2003 -- by Bacchus
What is it about this summer? Seems like good new sex blogs are sprouting up all over. This one’s called Erotic Truth [since gone defunct] and it’s a multi-author blog with lots of posts, all of them quite explicit and interesting.
You know that too-common complaint women have about some guy who tried to get them to do anal sex by “accidentally” just trying to slip it in when they weren’t expecting it? Well, one of the early posts on Erotic Truth is a very graphic, very bad example:
My first time was somewhat of an accident (or so he says). Scott and I are in the shower at his older cousins house doing the nasty. Little tub, and a shower curtain hanging from the ceiling. I am bent over, ass in the air (as usual) and he is fucking me harder than a raped ape. Suddenly he pulls out and with all the fucking force one man could muster he rams it into my ass. Shower curtain flies off, I scream…tears well in my eyes…ass bleeds. I was like WHAT THE HELL were you thinking about? He looks back at me as if I am on drugs and says…what? What? you stupid fucking waste of skin….you just rammed a good sized piece of meat into my virgin asshole. He’s like”I did?” YOU COULDNT TELL? No says he…..it felt just like the other hole. Alrighty then, either my pussy is so tight it feels like an ass or my ass is loose enough to feel like a pussy. Either way, he did not earn brownie points that day. Assfuck.
A gentleman, adept navigator, and credit to his gender. Not.
Tuesday, February 18th, 2003 -- by Bacchus
The above picture makes Bacchus thirsty. It also puts him in mind of the following extremely explicit but wildly implausible passage about anal sex and ripe oranges, from the book Captive by Aishling Morgan. Don’t read on if you are likely to be offended by this sort of thing:
Aisla sighed as the warm grease from the roast duck touched her bottom hole, then gave a little gasp as her anus was penetrated. Yarath began to wriggle his finger about in her rectum, exploring her and greasing her ring, then feeling the shape of the tangerines through the membrane between vagina and rectum. Aisla pushed her bottom back, eager for buggery, but was given a gentle slap for her trouble. Yareth’s finger pulled from her anus and something replaced it, not his cock, but another tangerine.Â
With her eyes and mouth wide in shock, Aisla struggled to accept the fruit in her back passage. She felt her ring stretch and a complaining stab of pain, but even as she cried out her anus gave and the fruit had popped inside. She accepted it with a long groan. Juice had splashed between her buttocks and was trickling down her thighs, showing that the tangerine had burst as it went up her. Sulitea giggled again as another fruit was pressed to Aisla’s anus, again stretching, hurting and popping inside just when she thought she could not take it. A third followed, leaving both vagina and rectum bloated and straining, while she felt an urgent need to evacuate herself.
Only then did Yarath take her by the hips, and she realised she was to be buggered with the tangerines still in her rectum. His cock went in slowly, forcing the fruit aside and increasing the straining feeling in her bowels. By the time he was in her to the hilt she was panting and struggling for breath, overwhelmed by the bloated sensation in her gut and up her vagina.
Yarath began to bugger her, with the fruit rolling and bumping in her rectum with each push. Aisla’s control went quickly, and as Sulitea came to stroke her hair, she panted and grunted her way through the sodomy. Her hands were locked hard on the table top at first, gripped tight in a futile attempt to control herself. Soon they slipped, first back to her buttocks to stretch them open, then beneath herself to find her clitoris and start on the climb to orgasm.
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Thursday, October 24th, 2002 -- by Bacchus
I just stumbled across an amusingly-written weekly sex advice column called Love Bites that comes from Toronto’s weekly, The Eye. Here’s a sample:
Q. I have a girlfriend who would like to have anal sex, but she is afraid it will hurt a lot. We were wondering if there is any kind of cream or some product that would relax the sphincter, allowing an easy penetration? Any collateral negative effects if this is used?
A. There are several products on the market designed to numb the sphincter, but they are generally considered a bad idea by ass-fucking authorities. One of the things your ass does when you’re doing something it doesn’t like is warn you in a way that’s hard to ignore. You do not want to Roofie your sphincter. You want your sphincter on red alert. If your ass is numb, you might do something that can really fuck it up, so to speak. Best to take things slow. Tristan Taormino’s The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women (the book, not the film, which is awesome but really just a jazzy porno) is a much wiser prelude.
Similar Sex Blogging:
Monday, October 21st, 2002 -- by Bacchus
This is almost too good to be true. “Saudi Arabia’s First English Daily” takes on your tough Muslim sex questions, and wrestles them to the mattress. Is Allah down with hot Islamic anal sex? Well, it turns out that Mohammed himself has weighed in on this weighty question. Doggy style is fine, but keep it procreative please:
A man came to the Prophet and asked him whether it was permissible to have sex with his wife from behind. The Prophet answered in the affirmative. As the man was on his way out, the Prophet called him back and said: “Consider what I have said: from behind, but in the front.”
Thanks to The Fly Bottle for the link!
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