“Christ, What An Asshole.”

Do you know about the fun game where you replace the caption on any cartoon in the New Yorker with the “Christ, what an asshole” caption? It works better than you would think, and not just at the New Yorker.

It also works as a caption to this picture at Kinky Delight. Christ, what an asshole.

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Fucked In The Ass: What It Feels Like

Here’s my favorite sort of thing to link to on ErosBlog — a passionate and philosophical treatise on a sexual practice that will be unfamiliar to some readers. This time it’s Ryan O’Connell’s What It Feels Like To Get F*cked In The Ass:

I’m going to try to put the feeling of anal sex into words so you can get an idea of how crazysexyintense it is. First of all, anal sex cannot be an on-the-fly decision. If I’m getting fucked in the ass, I need to know way in advance so I can prepare properly. The guy needs to send me a private Facebok event invitation titled, “Ryan O’Connell gets fucked in the ass.” with a set date and time. I can then have the luxury of choosing “Attending”, “Maybe Attending” or “Not Attending.” If I choose to attend, I need to start doing some serious yoga to Sade or Enya. When that’s done, I’ll give a pep talk to my asshole and be like, “Hey babe! I know you’ve been in retirement or whatever, but you need to get ready because something’s coming to an orifice near you. Don’t hate me! You’ll like it. And don’ try any funny business tonight. I’ll be mortified if you-know-what happens!”

Thanks to Sexoteric for finding the link.

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Shitty Weather Coming

The weather forecast is bad, and I don’t like the look of those ominous clouds:

Prostate Milking: What It Feels Like

Every now and then, it’s my pleasure to find and share a piece of descriptive writing about one or another sexual practice that may not be an everyday experience for many ErosBlog readers. Such as this piece on prostate milking from JR, whose blog is mostly about the pleasures of life as a BDSM pornographer. JR writes:

She’d been wanting to stick her finger up my ass for some time. God only knows why. So, the other day, when I walked into the room, she patted my side of the bed and asked me, “you need to be milked?”

…

This time when she asked if she could stick her finger up my ass I said, “sure”. She made some mention about whether I wanted her to go slow or fast and I just told her something. Did I say “surprise me?” That’s what I got. Surprised.

She was already stroking my cock in a way no woman has ever done before. I felt her finger meet my asshole and then suddenly, without any goddamn warning at all, she shoved it so far up my fucking ass I thought the top of my head was going to come off. I mean, it was like one quick, fluid motion. Wham. It was up there.

From this point forward it was all a blur. She was like an octopus. She overwhelmed my senses. Was I even in the same room at this point? I think so, ’cause there was one point, while she’s stroking my cock, she’s also searching for something with that other hand. And when she found it it was a really strange feeling.

How do you explain prostate milking? It was like she had some gland between her forefinger and index, and was rolling it in between the two. I suppose its akin to rolling your cock head between your lover’s two fingers. But that’s really a rather remote, vague way of describing it — because really it is so much more than that. When she massaged it I almost felt like I was undulating in a way. I’m here, now I’m not here. Swim-my. But then there’s the whole stroking the cock thing going on too. I’m reaching defcon one at this point and I feel like I’m on the tip of a Scud missile headed toward Jerusalem. There must have been a crease right under my butt cheeks where they grabbed the bed mattress and wouldn’t let go.

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99 And 44/100ths Percent Soap Free

You think showering is just an efficient way to get clean? You’re missing out on a lot. Here’s how civilized people take a shower:

He crouches and I spread my legs allowing him access to wash me from my hips to my feet, giggling as he tickles my soles and my toes.

When he’s done with my feet, I again turn around so I am facing him. He removes the gloves &amp puts more soap on his hands. I put one foot up on the safety rail. He takes a step forward and slips one hand to my pussy while the other hand slides around my hips to my backside. He twiddles his soapy fingers in, on and around my bijou, being sure to clean every nook and cranny, until I am shuddering with orgasm after orgasm. His other hand has not been idle. He slides one slippery finger into my asshole and in conjunction with his first hand sends me climbing to ever-higher heights of orgasmic bliss until I slump into his arms &amp he must steady me to keep me from falling.
…
I rub the suds into his hair, cupping his balls in one hand and gripping his swelling shaft with the other. I slide my hand to the head of his cock and then back again, holding the foreskin back so that his glans is exposed and I can rub my soapy fingers and palm around its crown. As his cock grows, it becomes easier and easier to wash – less wrinkles! – and he moans with pleasure and leans against the shower wall, sometimes twitching as I touch a more sensitive spot. Back and forth I rub my hands over and around and under his cock and balls, being sure that every bit of it is clean. Finally he rinses – but has he gotten all the soap off? Only one way to tell! I take his cock into my mouth for a “soap check”; I must be 100% certain that everything is soap-free before we can get out of the shower.