A Guide For Giving Serious Blowjobs

I found a reference to this blowjob guide and tracked it down to a post on a defunct Tumblr by Oh, How Degrading. I am not necessarily endorsing all of the sexual politics encoded herein, but it seems a very practical guide for dedicated would-be cocksuckers:

A former dom asked me to write a guide for his current submissive. And here it is:

So you’re ready to give your first blowjob… Okay, go somewhere else.

So you want to experiment with deepthroating a cock… No, this isn’t for you.

So you want to give a mindblowing, toe curling, dick owning, ball draining, cock worshiping like-your-life-depended-on-it blowjob that leaves your man twitching, drooling and completely satisfied? That, I can help you with.

As a competitive athlete (tennis, grappling, fencing) you realize that you often need to break your goals down into smaller pieces. Playing tennis simply isn’t the best way to become skilled at tennis. You need to work on your serve, your accuracy, net approaches and other elements until they all come together, then put them into action. A holistic approach: discipline, practice, a keen mind and a natural love for the activity will take you to the greatness. This is a guide for applying those concepts to sucking cocks. If you feel like something is only worth doing if you’re going to do it well, then you’re reading the correct document.

You might be looking at the word count and saying to yourself “What a waste of time, just suck lots of dicks if you wanna get good at.” If you’re a man and this is your thought process, then I need to inform you that you’ve been settling for mediocre (at best) blowjobs. If you’re a woman, then I invite you to continue down that path and be horrified (assuming you actually CARE about your ability to get a suck cocks) when you finally find a guy willing to give you an honest opinion about how good your blowjobs are.

I consider myself an expert at sucking cocks. More importantly, men consider me an expert at sucking cocks. My first boyfriend had me convinced that all the girls were deepthroating and doing it on a daily basis. A later boyfriend tapped into my submissive nature so deeply that I often spent literal hours worshiping his cock. I essentially paid off the half of my college tuition that wasn’t covered by scholarships by working my skills a particular cock. Point is, I’m pretty good at this, and not by accident.

Not so shockingly, you can get better at blowjobs by giving them. Of course, it is ideal to give head as often as you can, if your goal is to become a talented cocksucker. Unfortunately, this isn’t even close to the most efficient way reach said goal. In fact, there is a downside to this method:

No shock factor. If you’re gradually getting better by sucking the same cock, he likely won’t be cognizant of what a skilled cocksucker you’ve become. This is the one shred of true selfishness I’ve included here. Being known as a consummate cocksucker in the minds of those who you want to know is a unique pleasure.

I wouldn’t recommend abstaining from sucking while you practice, but do practice hard and long as often as you can find the time. If it isn’t the first time you’ve sucked his cock, you want him to experience an entirely different level of cocksucking then he did the last time you served him. If it is his first time with you? Well, lucky him. You’ll make him feel like every past blowjob he had was a waste of time.

Choose a style:

In time, you want to be a well-rounded cocksucker, but that isn’t going to happen quickly. First, choose a style that that you feel highlights your natural abilities and aesthetics. I personally believe there are two functional archetypes of cocksucking: The wide-eyed, gentle cock nurturer who slowly, but surely, coaxes out an orgasm, and the wild, intense porn-star inspired cock gobbler who attacks the cock like she’s starved for jizz. For an example of the former, see Camille Crimson or Heather Brooks. Sasha Grey and Jenna Haze are examples of the latter. These are obviously not hard and fast rules, simply pragmatic styles to use as a starting point. There are infinite degrees in between them, you simply have to get in where you fit in.

I personally found, when beginning, it is easiest to simply be gentle and efficient. It lulls the man into kicking back and relaxing, allowing you to take your time and properly hit all of his buttons en route to making him explode. It’s definitely fun to get a bit rough and really handle his cock or tease him into an all-out facefucking session, but this is about providing, not making him put in the work required to fuck your face. Perhaps I’ll get to that in another document.

(Note: If your cocksucking is destined to be used on a particular man, you should obviously ask him which he would prefer. His choice will likely tell you which one you will initially be better at anyway.)

Practice:

Take a not-quite ripe banana and peel it. It should be one of those bananas that’s still a bit hard. Turn it so that it curves downwards and begin probing your throat with it. The banana will almost certainly turn to mush, so grab a new one as needed. This is simply to get you used to the idea of having things in your mouth. Don’t worry about deepthroating it, just poke around a bit.

You should do this while on your knees. There are plenty of other positions to suck a cock, but when you are simply sucking a guy off simply to suck him off (as in, not to lead in to any other sort of sex) being on your knees is unpleasant for you but simply amazing for him.

Next, take another not-quite ripe banana. DO NOT peel it. Your goal is now to turn that banana into mush using your lips. No teeth, and no tongue. Using only your lips, push through the peel of the banana until you can squish the actual banana. Being able to create this level of pressure is what will let you create real suction and provide sensations for your man that he’d only experienced in his dreams. Your jaw will likely be exhausted after a few minutes of this, that’s okay, it just means you’re getting the hard work out of the way. You won’t need this sort of pressure for most of the blowjob, but when you put it on, you essentially have the ability to make a man’s eyes roll into the back of his head on command. After you’ve turned one banana to mush, toss it out and grab another. Do this with at least 3 bananas, 3-4 times a week.

Once your lips are sufficiently trained, you’re ready to graduate from the banana. Our next target is the throat. If you don’t already own one, buy a realistic dildo. Not a vibrator, but a dildo, one with a suction base. To truly simulate the blowjob, put the dildo on a chair, recliner, or something of a similar height of where you envision servicing him. Elevate it with books to account for hips. Sticking it to a wall also works, but unless he wants to, there’s no real reason for your man to be standing while you pleasure him.

Get on your knees and get to work. Suck it, deepthroat it, gag on it, vomit. Worship this dildo like a god. You might feel a little silly at first, but concentrate on your goals. If you’re a tight, efficient cocksucker, make sure you keep most of your spit in your mouth, this will tell you if your lips are sufficiently tight. Wear lipstick and make sure that plenty of it comes off on the dildo. If you chose to be loose and wild with it, make a mess, let the spit fly. You’ll probably be making lots of noises, talk to the dildo if you need to, tell it you’re a dirty whore. You will play the way your practice. No matter what style you decide to practice, GO TO THE BASE. Most cocks are considerably easier to deepthroat than a dildo, regardless of the cock’s size which means you’ll be over-prepared for when you actually get to the cocksucking.

If you can’t deepthroat an eight inch cock by the time you are done, you should have tears streaming down your face and AT LEAST some spit, perhaps vomit, on the chair/recliner/floor. If you don’t, you didn’t work hard enough. Feel free to keep doing that if you want to be mediocre at this. If you’re looking to be a 10/10, get back on your knees and push yourself harder. Do this in 15 minute sets at least twice a day. This routine will have you swallowing swords in about a week.

Your goal should be to hit the switch in your brain that turns you from the intelligent professional (or whatever you are) into a cocksucker. You are a cocksucker, mind, body and soul. Now suck cock.

Setting/Pregame

The setting is extremely important. Don’t debut these skills in a 5 minute pre-work blowjob or during a drunken hook-up. Sit him down where he’s most comfortable. Pour him some wine or grab him a beer (or two, you may be busy for awhile.) Have a warm washcloth nearby for when you finish to clean your spit off of his cock and balls. Pull his pants down and off, make sure he is completely comfortable. You may even want to begin with a foot massage. It won’t be long before his cock is stiff from anticipation. You’ll know when it’s time to move to the main course.

Dress and present yourself the way he likes. Is a guy really going to care about what you’re wearing as you give him the best blowjob he’s ever felt? Not consciously, but it’s the little things that are going to send this entire experience over the edge. If daddy needs his little schoolgirl, be her. If he wants a stripper in five inch heels, be her. If he wants you completed naked, then drop those panties before he finishes the sentence. After all the work you’ve put in, it would be silly not to put on his favorite slutty outfit of yours and dress as nice or as nastily as he wants you to.

Sucking

Remember that this is all about him. All the practice means nothing if you deepthroat him at the wrong times and can’t tell when he needs that extra twirl of your tongue. If he wants to control the pace, concede it to him. Wait with your lips fastened around the top of his shaft and invite him to place his hands on the back of your head to guide you down his cock. Put your hands behind your back or on his thighs if you’re not using them. Put your whole body into the blowjob, lean forward, onto the point of your knees with your ankles and calves off the ground. Work him over from the bottom of your spine all the way to the tip of your mouth.Take it out of your mouth and kiss it, rub it on your face. But don’t show off, the moment he looks to be anything short of fascinating by your behavior, plop it right back in your mouth. The best way to show your adoration is always almost always to dutifully suck away at him.

And a note about really, truly draining a guy’s balls: Ask any guy who can fuck for long periods of time, the amount of cum he shoots is related to how long his dick has been hard. Why this is difficult for some people to figure out, I’m not sure. That said, the best orgasms will result from long, drawn-out sessions of cock worship. Suck a guy off in 5 minutes, and he might be impressed, but suck him off in 50 minutes and watch him squirm as you extract every single ounce of jizz out of his cock in one satisfying, extended wave of an orgasm. This is generally my end goal.

When he’s ready to cum, your job will be dictated to you, either by actions or words. This is the most important part, you want to leave the perfect lasting impression

DO. NOT. SPIT.

You don’t have to swallow. But absolutely do not spit. It represents a de facto (and usually subconscious) rejection of his manhood, the thing you should be expressing your love for.

Ask him to cum on your face. Most men prefer a girl who neatly takes his load and swallows it down, but if you ask properly, few are going to turn down the pornstar aesthetics of cumming on your face. It is important that you enjoy it as much as he does, you’ve been his sex object for the at least the last couple of minutes: Now is certainly not the time to let your inner-feminist out. Smile and be proud of the mess you helped him make.

Once he cums? Put it back in your mouth. Maybe you have to do it all over again, but that’s ok, right? I mean, your goal was to leave him completely satisfied, yes? So get ready for round 2 and be sure to outdo yourself.

A blowjob in progress in inherently submissive. It’s rare, outside of shitty porn, that a woman takes control by sucking a man’s dick. If you are a truly submissive woman, use these ideas to further your devotion to your dominant. If you aren’t submissive, there’s no reason you can’t enjoy providing incredible pleasure to a man and after doing so, it should be incredibly easy to see how the power dynamics of the relationship suddenly swing in your direction. Between your lips lies the power to worship, break up marriages, drain bank accounts or simply debase yourself to for someone else’s happiness. Use your powers wisely.

If you treat this endeavor in the same way you would any other goal you want to accomplish, you will be leaps and bounds ahead of a great majority of the women on the earth. Simple dedication will put you into the 90th percentile, at least, of cocksuckers on the planet. It is important to realize, that no matter how absurd you feel, only a very small percentage of women have put any real thought or practice into giving blowjobs. Beyond that, it’s simply natural talent and having the submissive spirit that lets a man know that you truly enjoy making him happy. But even those facets won’t be enough if you don’t practice.

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