Online Dating Gone Wrong

She knew that the security guard’s online profile was a little wonky. But he was young and kinda cute (if she squinted just right after two drinks) and she was getting lonely, and don’t security guards carry handcuffs? It might be fun.

What Simone Sinay did not realize was that (a) he was one of those guys who does everything with a buddy; (b) those two dudes were the only people who ever got within half a mile of the old warehouse facility they were guarding; and (c) they’d put a lot of effort into building out their playroom/dungeon in the basement:

It won’t take a lot of time before she’s side-eyeballing that toilet next to the bed, and wondering just how long they plan to keep her.

Photos from Sex And Submission.

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A Friendly Bedroom Chat

You’ve got to appreciate the kindly smile on James Deen’s face as he checks in with Allie James (while he bones her in a fancy bondage bed) just as casually as a neighbor chatting over a fence. It’s not at all hard to see why he’s the closest thing to a “kinky porn heartthrob” that’s ever existed:

From the September 6 update at Sex And Submission.

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I For One Welcome Our New Sex Robot Overlords

Outside of the hentai realm you don’t see a lot of science fiction pornography, and what you do see is usually hilariously awful. I’m not sure exactly why that is, given all the fun you could have with big hard shiny implacable stainless steel sex robots and lustful tentacle-y aliens and autonomous anal probes and mind control rays and force whips and … oh, wait, am I talking out loud here?

Moving rapidly along.

Anyway, the folks at FuckingMachines.com may not be making science fiction, but they do understand the attraction of cruel implacable hard steel sex robot machinery and the considerable advantages of the indefatigable electric motor. Nor do they shrink from restraining mere human flesh when it might otherwise flinch away from and thus miss out on the intense mechanical pleasures of the machine age. In space, it is said, no one can hear you scream. But why go all the way to space when you can achieve the same effect with a high quality latex vacuum bondage bed?

Princess Leia in chains was cute. Han Solo in carbonite was novel. But this, I submit, would have been a better fate for either one of them, and would have immensely livened up the movie theater of my youth. Besides, wouldn’t old Jabba the Hut have enjoyed the heck out of a implacable robotic tongue-saw?

Science fiction this may not be, but it sure is entertaining!

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