Remedial Porn 100
Monday, April 21st, 2003 -- by Bacchus
Poor Halley. A worldly woman, there can be no doubt. But when she set out to critique the porn spam in her mailbox (a hilarious and worthy idea) she inadvertently revealed a slight…gap…in her pornographical education.
The spam:
Stacy is a starving biology student. She said the reason she would take two huge cocks inside her was because “I need the money!”
Halley proceeds to impugn both Stacy’s biological and her business sense:
And WHY is this alleged biologist-wannabe putting these two cocks in her vagina — and this makes, I’m telling you, NO SENSE — the writer tells us “I need the money!” Because she needs the money? Who, exactly, is paying for this transaction?
Let’s posit for a moment that, in fact, she is a bio major who moonlights as a common whore — a stretch of the imagination dear readers, I know, but stay with me on this. If she were propositioning guys to fuck her with huge cocks — why on earth would any reasonable man pay to compete with another customer’s huge dick for space in Stacy’s cunt? It just does not make solid economic sense. Stacy is no business major. So instead of getting two guys paying to fight over what is essentially one parking place, shouldn’t she reconsider the whole scenario and take them on one at a time?
Halley, Halley, Halley. You’re reading too much into this. “One parking place?” “Inside her”, yes, but there are ways, and there are ways.
Perhaps some visual aids are in order. Fair warning, gentle reader: like any good visual aids these links leave nothing to the imagination.
First, using the modest, time-honored, and maiden-aunt-approved device of substituting carrots for actual male members: Perhaps Stacy meant she wanted two cocks inside her not this way, but instead this way? It makes simultaneity much less implausible.
The skeptical reader will observe, with some justice, that those two carrots in the latter picture are not attached to any actual fellows, and might further observe that, were they attached to actual fellows, the angles involved would be problematic.
And perhaps that’s so. But the problems, if any, are not insurmountable. And guys have been reported to greatly enjoy this sort of sharing, which supposedly provides many of the alleged joys of bumping penises without any risk of catching homoerotic cooties from each other, thanks to the thin protective barrier of female flesh. Bacchus, however, cannot confirm that claim from any first-hand knowledge.
At this point, however, we may safely conclude that more time has been spent analyzing the porn spam in question than ever went into its authorship.
