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A Problem Came Up

Thursday, August 29th, 2024 -- by Bacchus

You know this is an old joke because it features a crowded streetcar:

An old gentleman invites a young lady on a crowded streetcar to sit on his lap, saying that he is too old to get up and give her his seat, and by the same token, too old for it to be wrong for her to sit on his lap. After jolting along in the streetcar for a few blocks, with her bouncing on his lap, he says, “Miss, one of
us will have to get up after all. I’m not as old as I thought I was.”

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It Grows Rapidly

Thursday, August 15th, 2024 -- by Bacchus

Here’s a dirty joke that’s very old indeed:

A gentleman in the country, who had three daughters, discoursing one evening on rural affairs, and the nature of vegetation, asked one of his daughters what plant or herb she thought grew the fastest?

The young lady replied, asparagus; then he asked the second, who answered, a gourd; and when the same question was put to the youngest she replied the pommel of a saddle; which very much surprising the old gentleman, he desired to know what she meant, and how she could make it out?

Why, said she, when I was one day riding behind our John, and the ways being so rough, that I was afraid I should fall off, he cried, “Put your hands about my waist, and lay hold of the pommel of the saddle; and I am sure, papa, when I first took hold of it, it was not much bigger than my finger; and in less than a minute, it was thicker than my wrist!

From the 1860 edition of Tom Brown’s Jester, a joke book first published in 1755.

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Pacific Island Special Erection

Thursday, June 29th, 2017 -- by Bacchus

This has gone way beyond four hours, he called his doctor already, and now he’s got a private nurse to wheel him around in a wheelchair and a tailor on call to properly drape the monster in his pants. What the hell kind of pill did this man take, anyway?

a huge and incapacitating pacific island erection

From the cover of a Jacula fumetti comic.

 

He Loves To Birch Women

Saturday, October 4th, 2014 -- by Bacchus

You can’t, uh, beat Spanking Blog when it comes to obscure vintage spanking art. Wednesday’s example is an outdoor bondage birching by a man whose rampant erection shows just how much he loves his work:

tied-and-birched

The artist is Jean Morisot and the link is via Chross’s Spankings Of The Week. (Chross’s weekly/Friday roundup of spanking bloggery is the single best source for that sort of thing that you will find on the ‘net.)

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Anything For An Erection Like That

Thursday, March 27th, 2014 -- by Bacchus

As I age through my forties, I encounter more and more women who express their sexual frustrations with some degree of honesty. The impression I get is that a good man is hard to find and a hard good man is even harder to find. Thus it’s my hypothesis that I have female viewers who will react to this brutal bit of old Italian fumetti with some version of “the whipping’s not my cup of tea but if it gets a reaction like that, maybe it’s worth a try…”

erect man whipping her

Via Spanking Blog.

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Blood Pressure And Male Erection

Thursday, May 23rd, 2013 -- by Bacchus

This blog post is all about the basics of male erection: Beyond The Penis. Among other good stuff, it’s got a better discussion than I’ve seen elsewhere of the link between high blood pressure and erection maintenance:

There’s one more thing to know about an erection — because it requires the dilation of blood vessels to get an erection, an erect penis is a relaxed penis.

Think of this: Viagra, and similar drugs, work by dilating blood vessels. This causes a temporary drop in blood pressure, along with an erection (Viagra was developed to treat high blood pressure). That’s why they all have the warning, “may cause unsafe drop in blood pressure” if they are used in conjunction with other blood pressure drugs (certain classes of drugs — nitrates, and also amlodipine, but not most beta blockers, alpha blockers, or diuretics…but listen to your doctor, not me).

I don’t know if there is a “magic number” for a man’s blood pressure that will yield an erection, but let’s say that it is 110/70, when measured AT the penis (not in the arm, as we usually do it). A guy who has a BP of 120/80 in his left arm can get to the 110/70 pretty easily through normal physiologic processes. But what if it BP is 140/90?

As it turns out, an erection is an analog condition, meaning there are an infinite number of stages between fully flaccid and fully erect. So 140/90 may get him an erection, but it isn’t as hard as it was when he was 20. Oh well — age does these things, right?

Wrong. It isn’t age. It’s the BP. If it eases up to 150/100, maybe there is no way for him to get an erection. His penile blood vessels simply can’t relax enough to counteract the tension in his arteries and veins. Maybe with Viagra he can still get hard. Maybe not.

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Kitchen Chair Bondage

Thursday, April 25th, 2013 -- by Bacchus

Usually in the porn I see, when somebody’s tied up in the kitchen, it ain’t a man. But this is Men On Edge, so it is. In fact, it’s Sebastian Keys, not that you could tell through the hood:

Sebastian Keys tied to a kitchen chair with a hood over his head and a big erection in his shorts

And unless somebody has ineffectively attempted to conceal a zucchini in his briefs, he’s not entirely unhappy about the situation, either.

(Nota Bene: The foregoing assertion is only sure to be true in sexy fantasy worlds. In the real world, it’s more complicated.)

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Plant Foods And Erectile Function

Friday, February 17th, 2012 -- by Bacchus

OK, let’s go there. Let’s have this conversation.

Is there any merit to the notion that eating a plant-based diet (or, to put it another way, avoiding animal foods such as meat and dairy) has benefits for male sexual health? To be blunt, does it lead to better erections or enhanced libido?

I sort of didn’t want to go there in connection with the vegan boyfriends post, because of the PETA connection. PETA has — I’m understating here — a passionate engagement with the ethics of eating animals, and thus they are not to be trusted in connection with questions about the relative nutritional merits of animals versus plants. Nutrition is not what engages them; they’d probably argue for a “rocks and stones” diet, or maybe breathatarianism, if they thought it would get people to stop eating animals. Admirable, perhaps, if they really are engaged (as some of them seem to think) in the greatest moral crusade of the 21st century — but utterly worthless if you’re actually interested in the question of what you ought to be eating from a health-and-nutrition standpoint. Anyway, that’s enough about PETA. (I mean it. Moderators are standing by.)

Let’s get back to the proposition before the house: Does eating a plant-based diet (or “plant strong” as some people put it) improve erectile function in men? It’s a heavily loaded question, because it’s essentially the converse of the proposition that eating meat and dairy wrecks your boner. And if that’s true, there’s obviously a lot more men who would want to know about it, than currently do know about it.

Every diet and health proposition you care to name, in this modern world, has a small constellation of doctors, dietitians, and self-help-book authors orbiting around it. Shining brightly in the plant-based/plant-strong constellation are several doctors including Dr. John McDougall and Dr. Caldwell Esselstyn and perhaps Dr. Joel Fuhrman. Plant-based eating is distinct from general vegetarianism or veganism in that those terms sometimes imply an ethical stance with respect to animals versus plants in the diet; and further distinct because many vegetarians tend to be sanguine about highly refined plant foods (white flour and plant oils) whereas most of the plant-strong people believe in eating whole plant foods to the general exclusion of pretty much everything else. Fruits, veggies, beans, whole grains, potatoes — these are the building blocks of the plant-strong diet. Olive oil and tofu and fake grain-based meat substitutes — the frequent staples of traditional vegetarianism — are less favored.

There’s a movie in this dietary-theory orbit, too. It’s called Forks Over Knives — you may have seen it in the theater. If so, you saw a bit of Drs. Campbell and Esselstyn in it. You also saw a distinguished older Asian gentleman talk about how plant-based eating has an unexpected benefit: it “raises the flag” as he so delicately and humorously put it.

That clip, and some related footage from the movie, have made it onto YouTube in this short video (the “raise the flag” comment is at about the one-minute mark):

If that’s the proposition — eat plants, unrefined to the extent possible, don’t eat anything with a face or a mother, and your boner will rise better and stronger than before — then what’s the operating theory as to why?

(If you watched the YouTube clip you’re ahead of the class now. You can text somebody or something while everybody else catches up.)

Esselstyn’s book is probably the best place to get a detailed answer. I don’t have it in front of me, but I have read it. And in short (I’ll link to some more detailed expositions of this in a minute) the idea is that your vascular system is lined with cells that produce nitric oxide. Eating animal foods and refined oils — the theory goes — damages those cells, so they produce less. When you stop eating animal foods, those cells heal, and they go back to producing the nitric. What does nitric oxide do for you? It dilates your blood vessels and improves blood flow throughout your body. That’s excellent for your heart, which is why Esselstyn titles his book “How to Prevent And Reverse Heart Disease.” But dilated blood vessels and improved blood flow…in your penis? That, boys, is the firm heart of the matter.

I can hear you out there, thinking and saying it: “Cool story, bro.” Yup — it is a cool story. But is it true? Or is it just another dietary myth with a books-and-seminars industry attached, like Atkins or colon cleansing or those magic hormone diet drops that are all the rage right now despite being thoroughly debunked back in the 1950s?

Dr. McDougall says (with footnotes to sources) the following:

Meat-eaters are likely to become impotent because of damage caused to the artery system that supplies their penis with the blood that causes an erection. Erectile dysfunction is more often seen in men with elevated cholesterol levels and high levels of LDL “bad” cholesterol — both conditions related to habitual meat-eating.

Here’s a random forum post that offers a common-sense exposition on this. I’m offering it not as an authority (it isn’t, nor claims to be) but for its blunt logic:

The mechanism that causes an erection is increased blood flow to the penis. If you have clogged arteries, they don’t just clog in your heart or head – they clog everywhere (hence, “peripheral vascular disease”). This means that blood flow doesn’t get to the places that need it. So, if the blood vessels (arteries) in your penis are clogged because you ate too many manly steaks, that means when you need those arteries to be full to pleasure that wench (er, or whatever), they can’t get full – resulting in (at the very least) a “softy” or at the worst, complete impotence. I really think if more men knew this, they would put down that steak and pick up a portabello.

As for the rest of the anatomy down there – the bigger you are, the bigger your scrotum tends to be and the smaller the penis becomes in comparison – and then when you add in the scrotal edema that comes with the disease processes of the obese, you often end up with a negative number.

But now — finally — we’re coming to the fun part. Earlier in the week was Valentine’s Day, and over at the Engine 2 blog there appeared a Valentine’s Day post (by Dr. Esselstyn’s daughter Jane) on just this very question. Here is — you will maybe pardon the expression — the meat of that post:

One of the most amazing things that happened to our father’s male heart patients while on his Prevent and Reverse Heart Disease diet was not that their cholesterol numbers went down, or their blood pressure numbers plummeted, or their weight dropped effortlessly, or their type 2 diabetes went away – it was that another part of their body was doubling in size.

I could not believe this HUGE piece of evidence was not gaining more attention in the medical field. What a motivational kick in the pants. Seriously, some patients need the proverbial skillet to the head announcing, “Stop eating all that penile artery-clogging grease, meat and cheese, if you want to get it up past the age of 40!”

Our vascular system is everywhere in our bodies and is made up of an intricate network of blood vessels (also known as arteries and veins) that carry our blood throughout our body. The innermost lining of every artery is called the endothelium — a smooth, slippery surface that is spectacular for a number of reasons. We are going to focus on the endothelium’s ability to release nitric oxide, which when released dilates arteries.

Did you catch that? Nitric oxide can cause the small round tubes that carry our blood to expand — get bigger.

Nitric oxide is a gas.
Nitric oxide dilates arteries.
Nitric oxide is amazing.

So, in a healthy body when the brain sends the blood vessels a neurological message of, say …

“There is a tiger, run!
“Save that child who is heading into traffic!”
“What just went bump in the night?”

… this causes the arteries in the legs to release nitric oxide, which dilates arterial walls, provides an increase in blood flow and the power to sprint to safety.

The same goes for the penile arteries — the ones that provide blood flow to the penis. The brain sends a neurological message of … say …

“Oh, the mood is right.”
“Hey, the kids are all at sleepovers.”
“Hey, the kids are all at college.”
“Thanks, for doing the dishes, honey.”

This triggers the arteries of the penis to release nitric oxide, which dilates arterial walls and provides increased blood flow to the corpora cavernosa (engorge-able) tissue of the penis. The engorgement of this tissue does something essential — it presses up against, compromises, sort of cuts off the flow of blood in the penile vein. This blocks drainage of blood out of the penis creating a blood-filled erection, a boner, a stiffy, a hard-on, you name it.

The Standard American Diet (otherwise referred to as SAD) hardens and thickens the lining of the arteries. The fact that this plaque-y build-up within the arteries comes from eating a meaty, greasy, cheesy diet is widely known. Yet, lesser known, is the injury to the endothelium — that smooth, slippery innermost layer of blood vessels that releases nitric oxide. This is where we are focusing once again.

Day after day, meal after meal, bite after bite of highly processed, fatty foods injure the endothelium’s ability to function correctly. This sort of diet compromises the endothelium’s ability to release nitric oxide (gasp).

Dr. Vogel, Director of Clinical Vascular Biology from the University of Maryland, performed a brilliant experiment that showed how quickly the endothelium loses the ability to release nitric oxide after a fatty, processed meal. The insult is almost immediate.

Any male eating the standard American diet, pay heed if you enjoy your erections: No nitric oxide means no dilation — which means no increased blood flow — which means no squashing of the penile veins — which means no blood build up in the penis — which means no erection! Which means no …

The uplifting news is that a plant-strong diet filled with whole grains, greens, fruits, veggies, beans and berries literally cleans out the plaque coating the endothelium of the vascular system and repairs the endothelial cell’s ability to release nitric oxide.

There’s more — including testimonials from firefighters — but I’ve already quoted too liberally. You’ll have to read the rest over there.

So what do you think, peeps?

 

Dick: An Awakening

Sunday, January 4th, 2004 -- by Bacchus

Time lapse photography of arousal, from “Dick? What Dick?” to “Ready, Ma’am!” in 30 seconds:

time lapse photos of a penis getting hard

If you find the tiny pictures unsatisfying, you know the routine: give the small pic a little stimulation with your mouse and it will grow for you.

 
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