Cannoli Explosion
Sunday, November 17th, 2024 -- by Bacchus
In which your favorite hungry cartoon mouse gets a bit more cream in his face than any of us were expecting:
Dirty!
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The Sex Blog Of Record
Ice Cream Facial
Friday, April 5th, 2013 -- by Bacchus
One girl, one soft-serve ice cream machine:
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Splut!
Thursday, September 1st, 2011 -- by Bacchus
Nice facial from an unknown sex comic:
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Towel Boy? Oh, Towel Boy…
Wednesday, September 29th, 2010 -- by Bacchus
She’s been taught to smile. So, the brilliant and quite attractive smile stays fixed on her face.
But, she’d really like a towel now. And so she’s looking for the towel boy…
The sticky cutie is Cherry Poppens in 1000 Facials Volume 3.
Memo To A Politician: UR DOIN IT RONG
Wednesday, February 17th, 2010 -- by Bacchus
Somebody really needs to give New Hampshire State Representative Nancy Elliot a quick course on the purposes, means, and procedures for fulfilling anal sex. Because this is what she thinks about it (yes, there is video):
“We’re talking about taking the penis of one man and putting it in the rectum of another man and wriggling it around in excrement.”
Or, maybe somebody should tell her she just needs a good facial?
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She’s Ready For Her Cream Rinse
Saturday, January 23rd, 2010 -- by Bacchus
She’d heard good things about the new salon. Her friend Myrna told her to be sure to ask for “the special”. And, special it indeed was!
Via Kinky Delight.
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Kama Sutra Facial
Thursday, November 6th, 2008 -- by Bacchus
This is a panel from the graphic novel version of the Kama Sutra, as drawn by the artist Hugdebert:
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Bukkake Spam, And A Pic
Sunday, May 4th, 2008 -- by Bacchus
Reader KingTaco writes in with some choice sex spam. I didn’t want it in the comment thread where KingTaco put it, but I fully concur with the urge to share it with the broader world. KingTaco says:
I’ve just received what I consider to be the holy grail of porn spam. It’s easily the most impressive piece of all-text advertising I’ve ever seen. I hope it’s not in bad taste of me to post it in it’s near entirety here (near in the sense that I’ve removed the linked porn site because it’s not my intention to try and advertise for them using the Eros Blog comments as a free ride):
“You could be thinking to yourself, how did an exotic Oriental fetish such as bukkake could become so widespread. It’s pretty simple, really. It’s all about traditional, conservative values. And what can be more accepted or conservative than openly humiliating women who cheat on their husbands by dragging them into the public square, binding them tightly with ropes and having every able-bodied male in town shoot hot loads of thick, burbling man-sap into the offending wenches’ pleading, upturned faces?
Nowadays, bukkake isn’t a punishment… it’s a way of life! Modern, liberated young women of all races, colors and creed have awoken to the sexual potentials of this practice, and today, you cannot swing a dead cat without hitting a gal who loves it right up on the face, or right down the throat, or in the eyes, or all over their heads, whatever way they can get it, really.
If you desire your models charming, your content exclusive and your facials hardcore, then (link removed) is certainly what you have been looking for.”
Such a prose poem to the glories of facial spooge almost cries out for a picture, so I went and found one for you:
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Naked Hippie On A White Horse
Wednesday, April 23rd, 2008 -- by Bacchus
Somewhere out there in the ErosBlog readership, there’s bound to be somebody for whom this naked, abundantly-facial-haired man on a white horse is the ultimate fantasy image. Whoever you are, this picture’s for you:
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A Christmas Rebellion
Saturday, December 22nd, 2007 -- by Bacchus
I’ve got to share this vignette from Mistress Matisse’s much longer article about the ups and downs of sex work around Christmas time. I simply can’t read these paragraphs without cracking up:
It was midafternoon on Christmas Eve. The client and I had never met before, but I showed up at his house at the appointed time, and he quickly ushered me inside. The man of the house was thin and pale, with faded blond hair, and he looked nervous. I could understand why: There’s a reason married guys rarely have whores come to their homes.
How could I tell he was married? Well, the fact that the house was decorated in a nauseatingly cutesy-country-crafty style was a big tip-off. Not just decorated–the place was stuffed full of ruffled chintz and gingham, designer teddy bears and American primitive wooden plaques with bunnies and angels and hearts burned on them. There was a flowered platter of homemade iced cookies sitting on the hall table. And there were a lot of family portraits on the foyer wall, with Mom, Dad, and three little rug rats.
“So you can be gone by six, right?” he asked.
“Sweetie, I’ll leave whenever you want,” I replied.
I paused before asking the obvious question.
“Is your wife coming home?”
He nodded jerkily. “She and the kids are at church.”
I couldn’t believe it. This guy had a hooker come to his house on Christmas Eve while his wife and kids were at church? He is so going to hell for this, I thought, and I’ll undoubtedly see him there.
“Well, let’s not waste playtime,” I said, moving toward the stairs. “Where would you like to…?”
“No, not upstairs!” he said, practically panicking. “I don’t want to mess up the bed. Let’s just–do it in the living room.”
Easier said than done. We edged around the eight-foot Christmas tree that dominated the room and sat down on the powder-blue couch. He handed me an envelope with the cash in it. I tucked it into my purse and then looked at him, waiting for him to give me some sign of how he wanted to proceed. But he just stared at me like a trapped rabbit. The room was dim, and the lights from the tree threw alternating red and green splotches on his face. The effect made him look like he had some kind of facial tic, and I doubted that it was enhancing my complexion, either.
“Okay,” I thought to myself, “if I have to be gone soon, I am going to have to take control of this fuck.”
I stripped down to my tarty black lace lingerie and stockings, got his pants around his knees, and started unrolling a condom onto his dick with my mouth. He moaned and leaned back on the couch–and then we both gasped and jumped as the tinkling strains of “White Christmas” suddenly rose into the air. He looked wildly around the room for a moment, then relaxed and said, “Oh, wait, it’s this pillow. It’s got a music box in it, when you lean on it, it plays…” He fished a red-and-green throw pillow from behind his back and tossed it away. It played on for a minute, before ceasing abruptly with a mechanical click.
He lay back again, but it seemed that our musical interruption had made his little Saint Nick unhappy. Or maybe it’s this house, I thought, as I sucked him. It’s completely antisexual. Interior decor as visual saltpeter.
I stood up, pulled off my panties, and bent over the couch. I knew I should give him some dirty verbal encouragement, but my vast repertoire of porn talk had deserted me, and the best I could manage was a come-hither expression that felt as painted-on as the faces of the knee-high nutcrackers flanking the fireplace. I watched him maneuver into position behind me in the gilt-framed, holly-draped mirror over the mantel. In my black bra and stockings, I was jarringly out of place in the room, an affront to the relentless, smothering cozy cuteness. It was hard to even breathe. As he fumbled around behind me, the bowls of cloyingly sweet potpourri that sat on both end tables began to make my eyes water and my nose itch. I was going to start sneezing uncontrollably in a minute, I thought, and my mascara was going to run down my face in black streaks. It was like a Stephen King Christmas house, where it looks all sweet, but if you don’t behave, it kills you.
At first impression, this story is sad. But the more I read it, the funnier it gets. This guy was a fool (“I pity the fool!”) but he was also a rebel. What, he couldn’t sneak out and rent a room where he didn’t have to worry about the sheets? No, he was in rebellion. His wife had made his house uninhabitable (trust me, ladies, there’s only so much chintz and gingham we can tolerate, and those stanky bowls of boiled flower petals are nasty!) for him, and this was his way of trying to reclaim it, if only for forty minutes.
Sticky Face
Monday, December 3rd, 2007 -- by Bacchus
Although I’m not a huge erotic manga fan (the visual style tends to be too busy or explosive for me) I do find some of the individual panels to be quite striking:
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Hello, Postfeminism
Tuesday, July 3rd, 2007 -- by Bacchus
Just doing what I’m told, here. I found this graphic over at Renegade Evolution with the caption: “Say Hello To Postfeminism.”
I think, as captioned, that this is a snarky attack on post-feminism from a traditional anti-porn feminist perspective. But what do I know? It could be a straightforward celebration of a post-feminism that doesn’t automatically equate a little friendly facial cum-shot / bukkake action with subservience and degradation.
Well, it could be. And running with that theory, this young lady could be exploring personal empowerment through post-modern alternatives in beverage dispensing:
Or, for reasons known only to herself, she could be symbolically trying to suck the dick of a man who is (symbolically) busy trying to pee on her face. Yeah, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, so maybe she’s just thirsty? Er, but she’s got a sealed beverage in her left hand.
Oh, hell, let’s go all the way and zoom in on that shot, just to celebrate the the triumph of branding that Miller Light has achieved by giving away free pitchers at this particular beach party:
Update: My bad. After reading a little more Renegade Evolution, I’m now leaning toward the “straightforward celebration” theory.
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Illustrating The Patriarchy
Wednesday, June 20th, 2007 -- by Bacchus
A progressive and modern view of gender relationships from Jem: The Magazine For Masterful Men:
And what does the half naked wife / maid / scullery wench on her knees with the scrub brush think about all this? Could we zoom in on her priceless facial expression, please?
Gingerbread Bukkake
Monday, October 23rd, 2006 -- by Bacchus
Sometimes commentary is genuinely superfluous:
Hot frosting facial, anybody?
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Sex Spam Subject Lines
Tuesday, May 16th, 2006 -- by Bacchus
I’ve been accumulating a little file of the oddest and most disturbing spam subject lines from amongst the zillion porn spams a day that I get. It’s time to share:
Olga gets butt hole rammed and facial blasted
Ouch! Poor Olga! Is she a porn model or a very unfortunate quarry worker?
barely legal perverts gangbanged by wild bears
Zoophilia with bears? Gangbanging bears? Who’s the target demographic here?
watch hot chicks get smacked around
Uh, no thanks. Also, please die.
correct penis oil
Important to get this right, because incorrect penis oil makes your dick fall off.
lesbians piss and smoke
They do? Why yes, I suppose some of them do. Your point is?
Urgent Notification #34419569771119606167
Er, if you’ve already sent out 34 quintillion notifications, you’ve been at it quite awhile. How urgent can this one really be?
Do you want killing sweet viirgin girls ?
That would be a big negatory, Bob. Geez, what a waste of sweet virgin girls. A few other useful projects for them I can think of, if they’re of age and willing, but killing them? Piss off.
Wait, are you the same guy who wrote to me about smacking hot chicks around? You must not have got the memo about women and sex. You know, sex, the fun stuff? Where nobody gets hurt unless they asks very nicely?
Ultra Allure Pheromones will kill her
I guess they don’t work so good then. Have you considered toxic waste disposal rather than direct email sales? Wait, did you buy this stuff from the guy who claims his penis oil is correct?
Jasmine burn anal pumped and cum blasted
Does she work with Olga? Has anybody thought to call OSHA?
Young Bitches so refined and charming!
Which is it? Are they bitches? Or charming? I don’t think I’ve ever met a charming bitch. For that matter, I mostly try to avoid bitches. Don’t you think you’d get better response if you omitted the “bitch” descriptor from your advertising for these refined and charming young women?
The Handjob Sisters
Saturday, March 11th, 2006 -- by Bacchus
One feature of vintage pornography, now mostly vanished, is the anti-clerical, anti-papist depictions of Catholic clergy. Early erotic novels, which mostly tended to be contraband anyway, were chock-full of priests, nuns, and monks run sexually amok in orgiastic golcondas of kinky sex, rape, and flagellation involving each other, whatever innocent children they could seduce or kidnap from their flocks, and sundry nearby farm animals. One doesn’t see so much of that in modern pornography, but there was a bit of it remaining in the hardcore porn of the 1960s and 1970s, which this appears to be:
One could almost surmise, from the hopefully expectant expressions on the nuns’ faces, that they are praying for (and working for) a sudden shower of manna. Nun bukkake, anyone?
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Bukkake Gone Terribly Wrong
Thursday, May 5th, 2005 -- by Bacchus
If you’ve ever seen any bukkake videos, you’ll quickly learn to wonder about the recipe the producers are using to manufacture their gallons of fake cum. Whatever the recipe, this producer must make the stuff by the barrel:
Yowza! She looks like something a very large alien sneezed up. Via Usenet.
Tucker Max In Love
Wednesday, January 19th, 2005 -- by Bacchus
Yup, the infamous Tucker Max, self-described asshole, is in love. And you can sort of see his point:
Then she got competitive, telling me she could beat me at Madden. Whatever; let’s bet. I proposed we bet oral sex–loser goes down on the winner. She quickly agreed. We started talking shit to each other over email, and she wrote what may be the single greatest paragraph ever written by a woman:
“I’m well aware that you are a legend. However, that doesn’t deter me from wiping the floor with you at Madden. I’m just that good. And if you do in fact beat me as you claim? Who cares, I’m still giving you head.”
Then we had this exchange:
Me: “You realize that I can’t lose to you now, don’t you? Nothing personal, I like you now and bet we are going to get along great, but there is no way I lose.”
Her: “I can talk the talk and can back it up as well. I’ve accepted the challenge and the fact that I’ll wreck you in Madden. And like I stated before, I’m still a gracious loser. Only I’ll be wearing a face full of your cum.”
Me: “This has to stop–you are turning me on now.”
Her: “I see nothing wrong with a good facial every now and then. I’ll alternate…swallow and facial. fair enough?”
Yeah…I think I am in love.
Unfortunately, she’s wasted on Tucker.
Casting Call For A Sex Movie
Thursday, September 16th, 2004 -- by Bacchus
Speaking of human-looking facial expressions, Comstock Films (the folks who made Marie & Jack) are casting for another production:
Comstock Films seeks real people in real relationships for sexually explicit documentary style films.
Comstock Films is launching a new project to produce a full-length film. We are looking for real-life lovers of all sexual persuasions who want to share their unique erotic nature with the world. This feature will be pansexual in nature, and we are especially interested in people and erotic practices not usually seen in mainstream porn. People of all ages, genders and transgenders, races, body-types and sexual interests are encouraged to apply!
Fake Celebrity Facials
Thursday, March 25th, 2004 -- by Bacchus
Lately Fleshbot has been all over (if you will pardon the expression) the fake celebrity facial photos genre. First they linked to Project Barkley, and now they’ve found another resource (which alas seems to be staggering under the load just now).
Although semen on a woman’s face is not really my thing, I’m enough of a fun-minded pervert to understand the appeal of the fake celebrity angle. After all, doesn’t Willow seem more approachable when you see her with “your” own cum dribbling from her lips? And who wouldn’t enjoy those gorgeous eyes and that smile under similar circumstances? A man would have to be dead.
I do have to wonder, though, how the celebrities in question feel about it. Yeah, I know, they are well paid and richly compensated in other ways by the popularity which nominates them for this particular indignity, but these are still real human beings with husbands and boyfriends and maiden aunties and little brothers and other such folk in their lives who might find this sort of imagery disturbing.
I’m not going to lose any sleep over it, but we now live in a world where your face and mine and Britney’s are all equally fair game — raw material for whatever digital mix might amuse a fickle public. Already you know that high school boys are circulating “photos” like this in the locker room, starring the homecoming queen and the entire cheerleading squad kneeling in a sticky row. How long until you can beam a mugshot of your cutest co-worker from your phone cam to your DVD player, which will cheerfully paste her facial features onto the lithe body of Vivid’s latest superstar porn model?
Scientific Method, Yummy
Wednesday, October 22nd, 2003 -- by Bacchus
Is cum good for the skin? Specifically, does it prevent facial blemishes or pimples? Or is that just a big fat lie invented by the patriarchy for selfish purposes? (“Go, patriarchy! Rah rah rah!” I really need a picture of cheerleaders without panties to put right here.)
Anyway, Nick and Lisa decided to find out.
Thanks, Daze, for the link!
Jezebel The Lonely
Sunday, July 27th, 2003 -- by Bacchus
Found another fun blog today. Jezebel can’t decide if she’s sweet or wicked. Perhaps it depends on the time of day. Right now she’s corrupting innocent Catholic youth, a noble pursuit.
However, if she keeps complaining about how many days it’s been since she had sex, at a time when that number is not in the triple digits, I’m going to have to track her down and give her a good brisk spanking. As she says herself:
As I’m not a three-eyed hunchback, it is not that difficult for me to initiate a sexual encounter with a member of the opposite sex. Seriously, folks, any girl over the age of 18 (age negotiable?) can have sex anytime they want to as there is always a man willing to stick their male member into a warm, wet hole. As long as you weigh under, oh, 325 lbs, don’t have too much facial hair, and can grunt at the appropriate times, it is quite easy for a woman to obtain sex.
Haven’t you ever heard the expression, “women get laid when we want to, men get laid when we let them”?
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