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The Sex Blog Of Record
Wednesday, January 26th, 2022 -- by Bacchus
Far be it from me to pick on anybody for their bedroom hobbies. These parties seem to be enjoying the moment, and who am I, et cetera. But there’s an argument to be made, I think, that we sometimes go too far in letting our personal relationships get intermediated by technology. Which is to say, is the Fleshlight truly needed for this job? The lady is right there:
I believe the performer is Molly Manson and the .gif animation was made from a widely-circulated clip called “Pocket Pussy”.
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Tuesday, September 7th, 2021 -- by Bacchus
This Fleshlight chained to a signpost at the notorious Burning Man desert festival is at once a simple sight gag and also a fairly sophisticated piece of conceptual art. I believe it’s supposed to make us think about the public masturbation taboo and the reasons for our squick around shared sex toys. It’s trenchant commentary especially in the free-wheeling context of The Burn, where almost anything goes. Why is the public Fleshlight squicky in some way that the giant orgy going on in a big tent a quarter mile away is not?
This one is from 2015, although I suspect the same or similar art has been on display in other years.
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Thursday, October 15th, 2020 -- by Bacchus
A reminder to gentlemen: just because you can use her pony tail as a handle while she’s sucking your cock, doesn’t mean you should do that thing. She might not be amused. Which could have immediate consequences or delayed ones, neither of which will likely be to your benefit.
Of course, if she happens to actually like it, that’s another story. Then you get you a good grip and steer her head like it’s your very own Fleshlight.
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Friday, August 10th, 2018 -- by Bacchus
In a recent post about sex toys for men, I wrote: “Gentlemen, we’ve come a long way when it comes to new ways to spend money on ways to come!” It turns out that I wrote more truly than I knew. I’m old, so I remember when “The Fleshlight” was a single product, and a radical innovation in pocket pussies at that, mostly because it looked a little bit like a flashlight and was a little bit concealable and deniable, at least when you didn’t have it wrapped around your dick. That was back when dinosaurs roamed the earth and ErosBlog was new, when guys were a lot more sheepish about sex toys, and more prone to pretend they didn’t have any in the house. My, how time flies!
These days, “Fleshlight” is a famous brand and a broad product line — broader than I had realized. A new article at the sex toys and prostate pleasure site Mr. Racy reviews seven different male masturbators from Fleshlight alone:
If you are a bottom-line kind of guy, the overall winner and favorite Fleshlight toy recommended at Mr. Racy is the Fleshlight Ice, reviewed separately here. The Ice review is super-detailed, complete with what’s-in-the-box photos, detailed photos of the disassembled toy, cleaning instructions, and photos with a ruler to show all the crucial dimension.
Among the other Fleshlight masturbation toys reviewed at Mr. Racy is at least one that has seen a brief mention before here at ErosBlog, plus many I’ve never before seen nor even imagined. In the category of toys briefly mentioned before, we should include the caseless FleshSkins, which are Fleshlight’s most economical toy. The science-fiction design ethos is so strong in them that I once described them as looking “like something that came out of an alien growth tank that makes brightly-colored bioengineered hand grenades.”
Is that not freaky enough for you? We can go freakier! In fact, there’s an entire line of Fleshlight masturbators with outer orifices shaped specifically to freak you out. We know this because “Freak” is actually the name of the product line. And just how freaky are they? Don’t ask questions unless you want to know the answers! With that warning, and with no further ado, meet the Fleshlight “Zombie Mouth”:
Halloween is coming! Why shouldn’t you?
To wrap up, I have to admit that I’m not an expert on male masturbators. Among the ocean of sex toys that I’ve been sent over the years, there have been a few other masturbators, but never a Fleshlight. What I am something of an expert on is telling the difference between a genuinely helpful review (written to help you make a purchase, sure, but nonetheless packed with information) and useless empty blathering sales copy, of which too much infests the world these days. The Mr. Racy Fleshlight reviews are the best I’ve seen at delivering product information about the different Fleshlight models, and helping you sort through the complicated Fleshlight lineup.
Sunday, June 29th, 2014 -- by Bacchus
The latest traveler’s tale out of China is of a medical device to facilitate easier sperm donation. It looks sort of like a kiosk with a mechanized Fleshlight in it:
A Chinese hospital in Nanjing, capital of Jiangsu Province, has introduced a new machine that makes sperm donation even easier- an automatic sperm extractor. The effortless machine features a massage pipe that can be adjusted to suit the height of the user. All the gentleman has to do is plug in the frequency, amplitude and temperature and off they go. It’s also fitted with a small screen for those feeling uninspired.
According to the director of the urology department of the hospital, the machine is designed to help individuals that are finding it difficult to retrieve sperm the old fashioned way.
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Saturday, May 3rd, 2014 -- by Bacchus
Coming in via Twitter we have what can only be described as the ultimate pussy couch:
I imagine this sitting in the reception chamber for some middle-brow bordello. When the madam is bored, she makes the male clients who are waiting for domination line up and screw the built-in Fleshlights for her amusement and their humiliation…
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Wednesday, April 3rd, 2013 -- by Bacchus
Somebody has too many sex machines:
Found at Fifi’s place.
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Wednesday, December 9th, 2009 -- by Bacchus
Overheard on Twitter: “A Fleshlight is super soft and velvety. It’s like jerking off into one of the pockets of your favorite uncle’s cashmere blazer.”
Thursday, October 29th, 2009 -- by Bacchus
Field-expedient masturbatory aids are not unheard of in male sexual experience. Indeed, this is perhaps an understatement. And just as in any other field of human endeavor, there’s always this one guy who goes all alpha-geek perfectionist.
In the realm of the home-made pocket pussy, that man is called Pafnuty Kingdom Shacknasty (well, he calls himself that) and Always Aroused Girl has found him, hunted him down, and forced him (delicious torments, I’m sure) to write an instructible worthy of Make magazine, complete with color glossy photographs:
Make Your Own Sex-Toy: A Pocket Pussy Polemic Part One
Make Your Own Sex-Toy: A Pocket Pussy Polemic Part Two
Like all true geniuses, PafShack (as I shall call him for short) labored in the wilderness for many years, perfecting his Promethean gift (and convincing himself of its perfection) before returning to share it with his fellow man:
I spent several years, from about 2000 until about 2004, working on the problem in depth, trying out dozens of designs. I tried polyethylene bags, elastomeric fire hose liners, foam rubber wrapped in various kinds of tapes, rubber surgical wraps, condoms, bicycle tire inner tubes, and probably things I’ve completely forgotten about.
I started out knowing nothing about what design parameters I should incorporate, and by sheer natural selection, discovered what worked, what didn’t, and why. I’ll save you the history of the Great Chain of Being and cut right to the chase; namely what I believe to be the design of the Perfect Pocket Pussy. After I demonstrate how to build it, I’ll compare it to what is widely hailed as the best commercial design, which is evidently still the Fleshlight.
First off, I discovered that two very important parameters are porosity and resilience. Foam rubber fulfills both of these needs nicely. Zip on down to the local big box hardware store and buy a length of foam rubber pipe insulation. Note that pipe insulation is also made in polyethylene. You want foam rubber. The difference should be immediately obvious both by looking at it and by touching it. I bought a 6 foot length for $5.77.
There’s more of this, quite a lot more, which you can read for yourself. I’m satisfied to provide a photograph of the finished product:
Just as interesting to me as the technical details, though, was the promise (quoted above) that PafShack would compare his PPP (“Perfect Pocket Pussy”) with the market-leading Fleshlight. I blogged about the Fleshlight almost seven years ago, but I’ve never actually seen one; nor, in that seven years, have I happened to stumble across any really critical review, in which the negative features of the Fleshlight were discussed along with its allegedly positive ones. (There might be a blog post in that fact alone, or even two; perhaps one about the rarely-violated taboos men observe in writing about their own sexuality, and another about the ways in which widespread affiliate marketing generates an ocean of bland one-sided marketing prose about products, mostly puffery that tends to drown out genuinely and useful writing about such products.) In any case, PafShack’s comparison of his PPP with the Fleshlight turns out to be the most useful review of the commercial product that I’ve ever seen:
First off, the Fleshlight is expensive. The base model I bought at the local sex emporium was $65. Compare that to the cost of materials for my version, which would run around $5… [T]he “breech” aperture is very small, resulting in a very “tight” feel. My first outing with the unit using Astroglide resulted in several realizations. First off, you need to be fully erect to even insert your penis into the unit. Not useful if you want to use it to help get you started. If your penis comes out of the unit, it’s hard to get it back in without using your other hand. This is a negative, as your other hand is usually holding a magazine, mouse, or remote. You don’t want lube all over those! The unit is so tight that lube tends to be pumped down, i.e. the Fleshlight acts as a sort of squeegee, or windshield wiper. In my case this resulted in the dreaded Lemon Song Conundrum, which I hadn’t experienced in years with my own designs. I had to constantly keep adding lube to the muzzle to maintain optimum lubrication. It caused pain in my urethra, and in fact resulted in a searing pain on orgasm.
On the upside, the material “Cyberskin” appears to be slightly porous, which is good. But the unit has to have a rigid plastic casing, because the Cyberskin is so intrinsically floppy that it won’t support itself, unless it was made much thicker all along its length. This means that the rigid plastic tube prevents any manipulation of the tube morphology. All you can do with it is manipulate the angle of attack and rate of oscillation. The Fleshlight is heavy. To maintain the tightness of the aperture, and the overall “feel” of the unit, a large mass of Cyberskin is packed into the first few inches of the breech.
I tried to weigh the Fleshlight; it’s beyond the range of my Ohaus student balance. It’s more than a pound and less than a kilogram. In contrast, my own PP weighs just 58 grams! While the Fleshlight is certainly slick, and has no adhesive discontinuities like my own design, it’s also “lifeless” in the sense that no fine manipulation of the shape of the tube can occur. It’s perfectly homogenous; twisting it does nothing, it feels just the same.
I suppose it could be made to suck, if one adjusted the rigid plastic top cap just so, I didn’t even bother to try.
My own PP is also built with a porous material; foam rubber. It’s naturally resilient, like Cyberskin. It’s able to be custom fit to the user. If it ends up feeling too loose, add rubber bands. If it ends up feeling too tight, just keep on using it; being foam rubber, it will tend to compact. The BOPP adds enough stiffness to where the unit will not collapse, yet is vastly less massive, and therefore allows a much greater range of subtle and sensitive control. Your control hand can alter the tube’s shape allowing continuous variation of stimulation. Held at the top, the tube can be closed off, and suction applied at will. Used with a 50-50 mixture of hair conditioner and water results in virtually no Lemon Song Conundrum.
The downside? As with all sex toys, you must wash and dry the thing. The inner surface will degrade over time, due to ordinary usage. The foam will become less resilient.
Yes, I know it’s a boast, but I believe I have developed the greatest male masturbation toy of all time: This is my lasting gift to the betterment of mankind. To masturbate with your hand is to revert to the Neanderthal.
Thanks PafShack for for your years of toil on behalf of all mankind. And thanks to AAG for coaxing the story out of him!
Update: AAG did a more diligent job than most of erasing all trace of her blog and its posts when she departed from the adult internet, so the links that were in this post were broken beyond my ability to repair. If she, or PafShak, or anybody else who for any reason still has an archive of PafShak’s tutorial ever sees this, please by all means drop me a discreet copy to post up in full!
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Monday, June 8th, 2009 -- by Bacchus
After the post Faustus made yesterday, it is perhaps not surprising that a bit of marketing for a “robotic blowjob machine” caught my eye this morning.
The actual product, when I saw pictures of it, was the inevitable disappointment you would expect, which is why I’m not linking to it. (Well, that, plus a reluctance to recommend untrusted vendors of products that combine electric motors with holes for insertion of tender, fragile, and oh-so-precious penile tissues.) For a hundred bucks plus shipping, you get a “robotic” pocket pussy, which is to say, you would get a pocket pussy that’s been enclosed in a harder plastic cylinder that contains “beads, attached to a small motor” that “grab your cock and suck it”.
Brrrrr.
I shouldn’t scoff, I suppose. We do live in a world with toilets that know your anus position and can offer you a touchless wash-and-dry. But I’m skeptical, nonetheless.
Pocket pussies themselves (or “male masturbation sleeves” if you want to be formal) offer no serious competition to flesh-and-blood pussies (with non-optional — and yes, that’s a feature — real women attached.) But the pocket variety do come in a wide array of models at a wide array of prices. I suppose adding some motorized jerking beads to the expensive ones could quickly get you to that magic hundred-dollar price point. But, to be honest, the pictures on offer from the robotic blowjob machine vendor looked like they were starting with the cheap one, then MacGyvering it up with some leftover Jack Rabbit innards.
So, why have I gone to all this length to give you my impressions of a device that I wouldn’t touch with {pauses, points to random male in the audience} your dick?
Because I’m fascinated and impressed by the sociology of the marketing prose. It turns out that overpriced sex toys are dirt cheap compared to real women:
“If you go to a prostitute, a blowjob can run you between $50-$150, just for a single shot! If you have a girlfriend, the customary pre-blowjob activities (dinner, drinks, movie) can easily run you $100, just for the single shot! And if you have a wife…you have to be married and the costs involved in that are enormous.”
But wait, there’s more! We’re not talking mere economic savings, here. Apparently your robotic blowjob machine delivers an actual superior experience, by virtue of the fact that it doesn’t complain when you ejaculate into it:
“When you are ready to blast, just do it. It can’t complain! No fancy dinners, no carrying its purse, no PMS.”
To be fair, as I suppose I ought to be, what this prose reveals to us are the views about women that the “robot” manufacturer ascribes to its prospective customers for the device. That might be a fairly narrow subset of men, as viewed through some rather milky glass. (High technologists of plastic are not necessarily decent sociologists, or even competent marketers.) Nonetheless, I’m struck by the divergence between the men this advertising is aimed at and the men I think would be the natural market for the product.
Men who think real blowjobs are too expensive (and too fraught with potential feminine complaint) may be out there. But really, I’d expect there are more men — or, at least, more men willing to invest $100 bucks in a sex gadget — whose only objection to real blowjobs is that they aren’t currently managing to get ’em. Is sour grapes marketing (“Better than a real blowjob, because real blowjobs come from demanding women with opinions”) really the most effective approach here?
Fascinating to see that somebody thinks it might be.
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Monday, April 14th, 2003 -- by Bacchus
Eugene Volokh has posted a provocative inquiry about vibrators. In a nutshell, he wants to know why progressive modern individuals are quite hunky-dory with the concept of a girl spending quality time with her vibrator, but they get all squicked out and squeamish about a guy using what he (Volokh) delicately calls a “vagina-shaped vibrator.” Several theories are aired.
First of all, a more descriptive, if no more erotic, phrase might be “male masturbator”, since these come in many varieties, only some of which vibrate.
Second, it seems likely that Eugene’s primary theory has merit: A woman who uses a vibrator is assumed to be substituting it for “actual” sex, and society is quick to approve of her many and varied sound reasons for abstaining in that fashion. Whereas, in contrast, a guy who uses a “male masturbator” or a “fake vagina” is assumed to have no alternative; he’s a pathetic dude who can’t “get any.” Given the very real sexual power imbalance, as old as the invention of outlawry for rape, between men who propose and women who dispose, it seems not at all implausible that a woman with her vibrator is assumed to be choosing it over an array of available sexual partners, while a man with his toy is assumed to be a loser with no better offers.
Striking in its absence from the Volokh list of theories, however, is a simpler hygienic theory. Male masturbation results in an emission which is, Bacchus would think, broadly viewed by men and women alike as more “yucky” than typical feminine lubricities, or even than that rarest of nectars, outright female ejaculate. Worse yet, a vagina substitute’s inherent concavity makes careful cleaning a more problematic task than the quick wipedown of a briskly convex vibrator.
Mind you, in objective terms the hygienic concern is arrant nonsense. Men have mastered cleaning tasks of a far more intricate nature, and will even voluntarily indulge when the object of their cleaning affections is, say, a much-beloved rifle. Nor is it implausible that a truly decent technology for assisted orgasm would command every bit as much gadgeteering enthusiasm as gun guys lavish on the contents of their gun safes. But still, at the end of the day the squeamish objection to concave male sex toys may well boil down to an “Ew, but it’s gonna be icky to clean out when he’s done with it…”
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