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No Such Thing As Too Handy

Saturday, December 23rd, 2023 -- by Bacchus

This Christmas card to everyone’s favorite underappreciated sex workers appeared in the December 1972 issue of Playboy:

poem in appreciation of massage parlor handjobs

The poem, credited to Judith Wax, reads:

To A “Masseuse”

Season’s greetings, dearest heart,
They’ve been slandering your art.
You who serve our nerve and muscle —
Who days say you stoop to hustle?
What an outrage… what a snub.
You’re just too handy — there’s the rub!

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Vintage Vibrator Porn

Saturday, August 20th, 2016 -- by Bacchus

The vintage (pre-1930) French erotic movie Massages features the earliest film I have seen of an electric vibrator being used for male arousal and erection-stimulation. It’s interesting because it features a storyline of a man shown to have arousal difficulties. Of course he gets those difficulties quite thoroughly and happily resolved, with the help of two pretty “nurses”, their newfangled electric vibrator, and their professional-level skills with fingers and tongues.

Our story starts when, as one does, our man is leafing through the back pages of his newspaper, looking at and laughing over the ads for bogus “impuissance” treatments:

penis pill and impotence ads in french newspaper

Wait, did I say “bogus”? Silly me. This was in Paris, before the Nazis came. If your erection needed some assistance, there was genuine help to be found in the back of the newspaper! And because this silent movie has its intertitle cards in both French and English, we can read this next ad right along with our interested Frenchman:

massage parlor ad

Hey, it seems worth a try, or at least a laugh, right? There follow a few frames in which an offscreen presence speaking via an intertitle card — perhaps his wife? — encourages him to go and “try once more”. So off he goes to the massage parlor “Castle Anthrax” for a professional visit with Dr. Winston and Dr. Piglet. No, wait, that’s rather a different movie. Right, he goes to Lady Irma’s place to find his youth again, in the care of two oh-so-respectable nurses:

castle anthrax nurses in nun uniforms massaging naked man

These nurses are very high-tech for their times. They have an electric massager!

massage and vibrator for naked man

The vibrator feels very good on his bare butt. He can’t help arching his back and thrusting his buns up into the air:

vibrating his butt as he thrusts it up in pleasure

“But sir! That’s not why you’re here. Now roll over, we have business with your business.”

rolling him over to get at his limp dick

Have you played with the early wall-current massager/vibrators? I have. No dick that can rise will stay limp for long under those vibrations. And because this is porn — if for no other reason — this dick can rise. It does:

the dick also rises when hit with vintage vibrator cum personal massager

Once the trick is begun, it’s nothing that four professional hands can’t easily encourage:

happy dick with at least three hands on it

I am going to go out on the limb and say that our fellow is a happy customer!

he likes his handjob

It’s at this point that the movie begins to seem quite thoroughly modern, as our nurses collaborate to give the man an efficient double blowjob. I found myself quite charmed by their evident delight in sharing his dick with each other and with the camera:

double blowjob from french hookers posing as nuns

french prostitutes delighted to share his dick

french sex workers giving a man a happy double blowjob

Lady Irma predicted it: “If you come, you will come again.” Hell yeah, this man’s coming back.

 
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