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The Sex Blog Of Record
Friday, August 21st, 2020 -- by Bacchus
The fantasy of a fully-automated blowjob machine has inspired the technical imaginations of horny dudes since (I would imagine) the invention of the first automaton, sometime thousands of years ago in deep antiquity, perhaps in China or Greece.
Contrivances as simple as a hole in a warm melon have sometimes been applied to the task; likewise, complex creations of well-crafted leather, rubber, plastic, and diverse fabrics. Suction, vacuum, and vibration were added gradually, as the mechanical arts advanced.
A true blowjob machine is like automated intelligence (AI) itself — the definition tends to shift as existing technology gets better and better. But we live in an age of miracles, and many of today’s best contenders for the title of “blowjob machine” are very good indeed!
This is not, however, a post to talk about practical and existing blowjob machines. There are whole sites for that, covering every spectrum of the rainbow of male masturbation devices. You can get a good notion of the current state of the blowjob machine art at, for example, BestBlowjobMachines.com. But you know me, I have “cutting edge” interests. I like to push the envelope. I am as interested in ancient blowjob contrivances, impractical sucking devices, and science-fictional futuristic mechanical-blowjob conceptual designs as I am in today’s art of the mechanically possible. And to satisfy my jones for whimsical devices that aren’t actual products yet, I perforce must turn to porn. Luckily for me, there’s plenty of erotic art that explores this space!
The photo above may represent, I am forced to concede, a step too far into the uncanny valley. That blowjob robot face looks a little too much like a garbage disposal for my taste. There’s room for a second pass through the design room, with an eye toward concealing all those dick-manipulators behind a more appealing plastic face. But on the other hand, I know dudes. If it feels good, there’s an awful lot of us who just won’t look!
Which is not to say that an attractive face on your fellatio-optimized sexbot is at all a bad thing. I think most of my fellow horndogs would at least prefer it. Sturdy ears and/or pony tails for grabbing onto? Desirable, but not necessary. Likewise… arms? Leaving them out of the design is a bold choice, but arguably they just get in the way. I cannot explain, though, why this fellatio-optimized gynoid has an old-fashioned hand crank where her arms used to be. I assume she’s adjustable, but… perhaps a keypad next time, fellows?
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Tuesday, September 9th, 2014 -- by Bacchus
If we’re being honest, nerd culture’s fascination with sexbots and fembots and all manner of mostly-humanoid mechanical sex partners has an uncomfortable proximity with the rapey and toxic-to-humans notion that sex would be easier and more fun if your prospective partner lacks the will or indeed the ability to tell you to bugger the fuck off. There’s more to it than that, of course; in fantasy, these robot sex partners are designed for fucking, so consent is either irrelevant or built-in along with the capacity to do sexual things better than merely human women. But the fact of an “on” switch and and “off” switch and “programming” is at least part of the appeal of these mechanical partners. Certainly that’s so for the operators and enjoyers of the fembots from SciFi Dreamgirls, who seem to be forever opening access panels and tinkering with the programming of these already-willing mechanical girls to make them even more pliable and compliant:
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Friday, December 14th, 2012 -- by Bacchus
Somebody is really looking forward to the rise of the sex robots:
Sexbots will electrocute our flesh with climaxes thrice as gigantic because they’ll be more desirable, patient, eager, and altruistic than their meat-bag competition, plus they’ll be uploaded with supreme sex-skills from millennia of erotic manuals, archives and academic experiments, and their anatomy will feature sexplosive devices. Sexbots will heighten our ecstasy until we have shrieking, frothy, bug-eyed, amnesia-inducing orgasms. They’ll offer us quadruple-tongued cunnilingus, open-throat silky fellatio, deliriously gentle kissing, transcendent nipple tweaking, g-spot massage & prostate milking dexterity, plus 2,000 varieties of coital rhythm with scented lubes – this will all be ours when the Sexbots arrive.
Ahh, grasshopper, but will they also be self-cleaning? That is the question!
Mind you, I’m being a bit snarky there. The objection is not entirely serious. As I wrote most of ten years ago:
Men have mastered cleaning tasks of a far more intricate nature, and will even voluntarily indulge when the object of their cleaning affections is, say, a much-beloved rifle. Nor is it implausible that a truly decent technology for assisted orgasm would command every bit as much gadgeteering enthusiasm as gun guys lavish on the contents of their gun safes.
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Sunday, July 12th, 2009 -- by Dr. Faustus
Tyler Cowen in his book Discover Your Inner Economist attributes to Bryan Caplan the following about their colleague in the world’s grooviest economics department Robin Hanson:
“When the typical economist tells me about his latest research, my standard reaction is ‘Eh, maybe.’ Then I forget about it. When Robin Hanson tell me about his latest research, my standard reaction is ‘No way! Impossible!’ Then I think about it for years.”
Exactly right. For my money, Robin has more provocative ideas per day than most people will have in their whole lives.
And he’s done it again, this time in a way I hope will be of interest to readers of this blog, in a pair of posts over at Overcoming Bias. One is titled “40% of US Moms Unwed” followed by “Who Cares About Unsexy Men?” (Answer: Robin Hanson does. And no, dear reader, it is not because Robin is himself an unsexy man. He once had a commenter ask “Can I mate with you now?” Robin cares because he’s good guy.)
The conjecture Robin is advancing in these two posts might be summarized as follows: societies which have monogamous marriage as a strong institution are good for men who are unsexy, that is to say, unattractive, unartistic, unathletic, low in wealth or social status, and so forth. The reason is that even an unsexy man can offer something to a woman: commitment and support, both to her and to any children they might have. Since men and women exist in roughly equal numbers, they can pair off and even unsexy men can have a reasonable chance of marrying. (For a similar argument, see Robert Wright’s The Moral Animal.) But if women prefer to rear children alone, then we might tip into a different equilibrium. If women are no longer interested in what unsexy men have to offer, we end up with a fierce competition among men for sexual access to women, and a lot inequality among men. Sexy men will end up effectively polygynous, while unsexy men will be cast into the outer darkness of celibate despair.
It is a bleak projection and one that Robin himself doesn’t like. I suggest interested readers look at the underlying posts. What struck me most was the great outpouring of comments generated, two of which I reproduce here.
Some suggested that a turn to porn is the way to go; of these, one of the more interesting is the one here:
I’m so darn nurturing, but not sexy, so what I do is go over to my sister’s house and play with her little babies until I am all out of love, then I go home and watch amazing porn in peace and quiet. It’s a good life, I hope all the unsexy men adapt as well.
We at ErosBlog should be honored to provide a public service.
But perhaps best of all was the very first comment on “Unsexy Men”, in which the commenter came up with a one-word answer to the problems of unsexy men:
Robots.
Yes, I guess I now see a point of contact between the two blogs…
Friday, February 23rd, 2007 -- by Bacchus
Outside of the hentai realm you don’t see a lot of science fiction pornography, and what you do see is usually hilariously awful. I’m not sure exactly why that is, given all the fun you could have with big hard shiny implacable stainless steel sex robots and lustful tentacle-y aliens and autonomous anal probes and mind control rays and force whips and … oh, wait, am I talking out loud here?
Moving rapidly along.
Anyway, the folks at FuckingMachines.com may not be making science fiction, but they do understand the attraction of cruel implacable hard steel sex robot machinery and the considerable advantages of the indefatigable electric motor. Nor do they shrink from restraining mere human flesh when it might otherwise flinch away from and thus miss out on the intense mechanical pleasures of the machine age. In space, it is said, no one can hear you scream. But why go all the way to space when you can achieve the same effect with a high quality latex vacuum bondage bed?
Princess Leia in chains was cute. Han Solo in carbonite was novel. But this, I submit, would have been a better fate for either one of them, and would have immensely livened up the movie theater of my youth. Besides, wouldn’t old Jabba the Hut have enjoyed the heck out of a implacable robotic tongue-saw?
Science fiction this may not be, but it sure is entertaining!
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