August 1st, 2004 -- by Bacchus
Skinny Dip With Extreme Caution
So I was reading National Geographic when I found this unlikely statement:
Some states, like Montana, are bringing down the hammer on their clothing-optional residents. A first offense for skinny-dipping means six months in jail; a second offense garners one year; a third offense, a hundred years. “It causes you to sit up and say, My gosh, who thinks these kinds of prison sentences make sense?” Morton said.
A hundred freakin’ years? For skinny dipping? I’ve been to Montana, they can be conservative but they aren’t stupid. I’ve shaken the hands of several people I suspect of having skinny-dipped in Montana, and hugged at least one more. I had to check this out.
Turns out Montana law isn’t quite that crazy. Under Section 45-5-504 of the Montana Code, that draconian 100 year penalty is for a third conviction for “indecent exposure”:
(1) A person commits the offense of indecent exposure if the person knowingly or purposely exposes the person’s genitals under circumstances in which the person knows the conduct is likely to cause affront or alarm in order to:
(a) abuse, humiliate, harass, or degrade another; or
(b) arouse or gratify the person’s own sexual response or desire or the sexual response or desire of any person.
I’m thinking it would be tough to convict the average skinny dipper under that statute. “Hey, it was dark! How was I supposed to know that Granny Grundy was watching the river through night vision goggles?”
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It’s bad enough as it is. No sort of nudity deserves a century in jail.
I am all seeing and all knowing. Besides, it is completely understandable for me to be “birdwatching” on the river at night; being out there with night vision goggles is a part of my proper and decent activites. How dare you brazen, lewd, deviant heathens expose your filthy selves in my community! A hundred years isn’t enough by half, nosiree.
“I’ve been to Montana, they can be conservative but they aren’t stupid.” (emphasis in original)
Bacchus, my good man. You are forgetting that when you speak of those responsible for Montana’s laws, you are not speaking of Montana’s fine citizens, but rather of Montana’s legislators (and when it comes to the discretion of the State’s executive agents, of Montana’s prosecutors).
Politicians are stupid by nature and definition. No travesty or injustice is too unbelievably asinine to put past their feeble minds.
Yeah, 100 years in jail for skinny-dipping is insane. Meanwhile, since it’s only for 3rd offenses, I’m reminded a wee bit of Chris Rock’s public service announcement “How to Not Get Your Ass Kicked by the Police”:
“…Use common sense. If you jump a subway turnstyle, you might get off with a warning from the police. But if you jump a turnstyle carrying a loaded gun and smoking a joint, then maybe you *need* your ass kicked…”
~Laugh~ ok not about Montana, but Wyoming (a nearby state). Wyoming has a law on the books that if enforced would make it illegal for the girl to be on top during sex. Love our country!
Tons of stupid laws like that still on the books. The cops don’t enforce ’em, but as soon as a lawmaker tries to repeal one (and in the process remind the neighborhood that it exists), some voter screams about how the place will go to hell if the law’s removed. :/
I’m writing this from Bozeman, Montana.We have many hot springs around here (Bozeman is close to Yellowstone Park) and we go skinny dipping frequently. At some of the hot pots, we are startled when someone wears a suit.
I have lived here for over twenty-five years and have never heard of this goofy law. But it is nice to know, I’m breaking the law :-)