Parental Advice On Love And Relationships
I come from an unhappy family, I think, although such things are of course relative. And I haven’t had a living parent in quite a few years, so I think it’s safe to tell this story now.
When I was done with high school and heading off to college on another coast, each of my parents individually and unbeknownst to the other saw fit to give me just one piece of advice on love and relationships. Neither piece of advice seemed immediately pertinent to a rising college freshman, but I suppose my folks weren’t certain what directions my life would take me before they saw me again.
My mother told me “Whatever you do, don’t settle down with the first woman that will have you.” I took that under due advisement; it didn’t seem like an imminent worry. (Nor, indeed, was it.)
My father told “Son, whatever you do, don’t marry a woman who is a depressive.” Rude thing to say about Mom! But not untrue or even unfair, honestly. And, again, not an imminent problem. My collegiate intentions were lustful, possibly romantic, but did not include any notion of marriage or settling down.
You can guess where this story is going. I was a sluggish boy, and my adventures in love and lust and romance during college and graduate school were what they were. Which is to say, not much to write home about. Although I did learn some shit about crushes that I should have picked up much earlier in life.
But what do you suppose I ultimately did in my very first long term adult relationship — the kind where you move into a house with a woman and buy a pet together and act in all respects as if you plan to spend the rest of your life together?
Yeah, you know it: I did both of the things my parents individually advised me not to do! And it ended precisely as badly as either one of my parents would have predicted.
(I could try to weasel out by lawyer-lipping y’all about that word “marry”; she balked at the zipping and we never quite got that far. But it wasn’t for any lack of intentionality on my part!)
Moral: Make new mistakes! There’s no need to repeat the ones your parents already regret.
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