The special perverts (of course I mean that only in the nicest possible way) over at Hoot Island have provided a helpful list of Things Not To Insert Into Your Lover’s Hoo-Ha. I think my favorite is:

A rolled-up copy of Action Comics #1. It depreciates the comic too much, and you lose the crispness of the binding.

Like, duh. Besides, there are better things to do with your lover and a rolled-up comic. “Bad puppy! Bad, bad!”