Sex And Effort (Or: Men Are Stupid)
Although I think Robert here may be lacking in sympathy for men who didn’t choose quite so wisely as he did in the marital sweepstakes, the man does have something of point:
I had lunch and a couple of drinks with some guys from work yesterday. We usually just talk about work. But one guy starts talking about his wife saying he never gets any now that they have kids. By the time his wife gets home from work and takes care of the kids she’s too tired. The other guy says yeah me too and he only has one teenage kid. Then the one guy starts talking about his latest video game and staying up all night playing it. The other guy talks about the computer gambling he’s into and the car he’s rebuilding. I’m thinking these guys don’t deserve to get any. They’re too stupid.
You’ve got to read the whole thing — especially the part where he says “Women are easy.“
Shorter URL for sharing: http://www.erosblog.com/?p=1158
He’s right for the most part. Some women aren’t going to respond no matter what for a whole variety of reasons, but the majority of us are extremely turned on by a man who does dishes or the laundry.
I’m serious.
When a man shows that he knows how hard his partner works and makes a small bit of effort to help, it’s totally going to get him some sex, it does in my house.
“Who’s the dumb fuck?”
Life has taught me not to make assumptions or be judgemental about why somebody might or might not be getting sex and home, and why somebody might or might not feel the need to cheat.
Staying up all night on the computer might be one way of dealing with the issue that his wife is no longer interested in sex. I mean, which came first? The lack of sex, or the spending time on the computer? What’s the cause and what’s the effect?
I’m happy for this Robert guy, but not every guy can take years of rejection from his own spouse, from the mother of his fucking children, and remain completely emotionally unscathed.
anon – staying up all night on a computer is NOT a way of “dealing” with rejection. It is a way of AVOIDING dealing with it.
what’s the old saying?
No wife ever killed her husband while he was doing the dishes (or something like that)
I think I’m going to forward Robert’s advice to a couple of friends…AND my boyfriend. Never hurts to lay some groundwork for the future ;)
You’d think that we’d never gone through the Sexual Revolution or the Women’s Movement.
If you want to get, you have to give. These guys deserve to have their wives leave them for other women. :D
All I’m saying is it’s really hard to judge these guys without knowing a whole lot of stuff about their relationship that they’re probably not sharing. I know if I had a pal like this Robert guy who’s attitude seems to be “Hey, I got mine, if you can’t get yours, you’re an idiot”, I might not feel like sharing some of the more sensitive parts of my marital situation. (Fortunately for me personally, I have friends who I can share with.)
ESC, you’re definitely right. Staying up all night on a computer is not a way of dealing with rejection. But sometimes that rejection can go so far and become so pathological that yeah, the computer becomes an escape. There’s nothing wrong with escape, if you’ve done your best to face the problem head-on and not made any progress.
This Robert guys attitude is “hey, I bought my wife a bottle of wine and a present and I got sex before and after dinner, so if you can’t do that, you’re a moron.” Which makes me think that he’s naive about the kinds of things that can go wrong in relationships that can kill sex for good. Bottle of wine and a gift? Puhleaze.
W.S., it’s really nice that you have a willing partner and a healthy sex-positive relationship. You should feel fortunate. Not everybody does, and for those who don’t, it’s not always because they’re uncaring neanderthal idiots.
Life is complicated. Sex lives doubly so. Have some fucking compassion.
I certainly agree with his sentiment. There’s nothing more appealing than knowing that your partner appreciates you and takes those extra steps to show you. In most cases, his scenario would guarantee some lovin’.
But I can also see anon’s point. I used to be the woman he’s describing. My partner could wash every stitch of clothes in the house, sweep, mop, scrub the windows, cook dinner, set out candles and flowers… the whole nine and it wouldn’t have mattered because sexually I just wasn’t interested in him. Most men under those circumstances would quit trying. Luckily my partner is a very undertsanding and forgiving man so we’re back in the saddle (so to speak) again. But for some couples, it doesn’t always work that way.
W.S. Cross… your suggestion is interesting and just might have some merit ;)
I agree Robert could have been much more supportive. He could have pointed out that it’s perfectly normal for sex to disappear towards the end of a relationship – it’s just nature’s way of making sure the offspring are at least old enough to be mobile when things break down.
Anon – no, I think Robert’s attitude is “if it’s broken, try and look to see if you’ve had a part in it and fix it”
I think he has compassion – for his partner.
We all do things that mess up our relationships, hell, I did last night actually and now I will have to deal with that and try and make it right. That’s not me saying “all you women suck because I own my shit” that’s me saying, “own your shit or lose your relationhip” – the difference is vast.
I had a long, elaborate response written for this, and somehow nuked it. Hell, it was getting long enough to be a blog entry anyway.
But I think this is a case of talking about two different things under the same topic. Robert is basically talking about giving more to get more, a basic tenet of relationships. He’s saying, you give it up, you get it back, and you know, in healthy relationships, a-fucking-men.
Anon is talking about something else. He’s talking about a truly dysfunctional situation, where one partner’s needs or issues or restrictions come to completely define a relationship. The antithesis of healthy relationship. Robert makes a glib generalization – ‘these guys are too stupid.’ And maybe he knows these guys well enough to make that assessment. But you know, maybe there’s a whole lot more to that story, and maybe these guys live in a hell Robert could never understand.
I read these stories on your blogs, and frankly you may as well be living on Mars, so distant are your experiences from mine. That my wife would blow me simply for making dinner is beyond comprehension (though not beyond my imagination). It’s just not something she likes to do. There might be ten minutes total throughout the year that my penis is in contact with her toungue.
I’m not hating on you guys at all. But like Bacchus said, some of you won the marital lottery and found a woman that cares as much about sex as you do. But a lot of us have wives with diminshed libidos, either due to emotional or physical issues. And that we don’t have sex more than 3 times a month has nothing to do with how we treat them. It has very little to do with us at all.
…which is what I was trying to get at (in one breezy sentence fragment) when I wrote “I think Robert here may be lacking in sympathy for men who didn’t choose quite so wisely as he did in the marital sweepstakes”.
ESC “what’s the old saying?
No wife ever killed her husband while he was doing the dishes (or something like that)”
So no wife ever neglected or harmed her husband as long as she could get something out of him, wow, sounds like a great basis for a relationship