Perfect Sticky Feet
Here’s a bit of midweek blasphemy from Hot Action:
Safe to say that at a certain point in my life, I started to have some serious philosophical issues with the Christian religion.
“So if you can’t have sex, what do you do in Heaven all day?”
“There is no such thing as day or night in Heaven.”
“…So what do you do in Heaven all eternity?”
“You glorify God.”
“That’s it?”
“Yes.”
Hmmm.
Sorry homie, I think I might respectfully decline the invitation to this party.
There’s something that really freaks me out about Heaven, and it can be summed up in two words: infant mortality.
It’s not just that God is a smug bastard who causes beautiful innocent babies to die. It’s the fact that these babies, being free of sin, all get a free ticket to Heaven. Every one of them.
Can you imagine showing up to the Afterlife and there’s millions and millions of babies everywhere?
All of them gurgling and cooing and crawling all over you with their perfect little baby bodies.
This does not sound like my idea of a bachelor’s paradise.
It gets worse. Some believers in Christianity are opposed to contraception because they believe it murders billions of tiny souls. “Every sperm is sacred” and so on.
Maybe it explains how the Pearly Gates got their name. Although “Pearly Floodgates” might be more appropriate. I’ve probably sent a few million souls up to the glorification of God myself. I’ve probably sent a few million up today.
“Welcome to Heaven. The good news is the streets are paved with gold. The bad news is, ALL THE STREETS ARE FLOODED WITH COME.”
Watch your step!
Shorter URL for sharing: http://www.erosblog.com/?p=1555
Funny stuff!
Heaven always has sounded so boring to me. If you listen to the preachers, all the interesting people are not going there anyway. I have John Waters’ autograph – it’s signed “See you in Hell!”
Just a brief point to make (that makes Christianity even less logical to me). Many Christians believe in the concept of original sin. That means that because of Adam sinning long ago and far away, every baby is born with a sinful nature and is in need of redemption. Therefore, all little innocent babies who die before the pastor drops those little baptismal drops of water on their heads (yes drops of water on your head change your soul, so watch out in the shower) go to hell. What a loving God! Although, this does make a bit of sense, as a place jam-packed with crying, whining, drooling, crapping babies could very well be the worst imaginable situation to endure for all eternity…
Actually, I believe the babies in question go to “Limbo”. Can’t recall if they ever get out again.
Although I think Limbo is now not part of official Catholic dogma, as of just recently.
The bit about the “cooing and crawling all over you with their perfect little baby bodies” made me laugh so hard. That has to be the creepiest mental image ever.