Night Fighting
From Junkbuzzed comes this fun-to-read account of dealing with an angry woman:
The next thing I hear is the clomp-clomp-clomp of angry woman footfalls striding away from me in ragtag contempt. I think about how grand it is, the affected gait of a woman slighted, and subsequently wonder if this precise non-verbal declaration of high dudgeon is perhaps a gender-imperative — in that, possessing of wider hips and longer legs, women are better built for spontaneous stomping fits, whereas we men, with our thin-hipped deportment are better suited to sadly trudging about. I make a mental note to write about this later, as another “ASSHOLE” is hurled from the other room like a wonky Russian warhead sold on the cheap to a republic that just formed last Tuesday. And the last thing to flutter across my consciousness is how many of history’s great tyrants had sleep apnea…
I wake up the next morning in a sheet of caked-over flop-sweat, and am immediately grateful that I was the first to rise. I take this time to clean and dress my wounds, as well as prepare for the Serious Talking-To that was sure to come with her waking. Which it does. Fortunately this particular talking-to does not seem to involve any spear-like instruments with which to strike at me.
This is not to say that she wasn’t incalculably unhappy with me. She in fact is sitting across from me, eyes drawn into puffy, sleep-deprived slits; legs crossed tighter than American credit lines; and her lower lip, jutted out not in petulance but in permanent, irretrievable sigh.
So I do what any man does when he knows he is wrong and is fresh out of loopholes, stratagems, and smokescreens: I fall on my sword. And when I fall on my sword, I go all out — I really make a show out of it. Because if she’s that mad at you, simple apologies aren’t really enough; she deserves a little entertainment for her trouble. So I flop about, wail, and generally carry on like flaming dipshit. This seems to appease her somewhat.
It’s worth reading the whole thing; there’s even an insight on the importance of cunnilingus.
Shorter URL for sharing: http://www.erosblog.com/?p=2491
Jeez, who hasn’t been THERE?
As a lesbian I dated once said: “You know… WOMEN… are CRAZY!” I can still see the wide-eyed incredulous look on her face as she made the statement. She had just finished having a conversation with an ex-lover.
I loved the well-written accounting of the drama by the way. Someone once said “all women are natural-born actresses”. …and isn’t THAT why we love them so?
who could ever overstate the importance of cunnilingus? I bless the names of those who wrote the first guide on pleasuring a woman I found, and their exhortations to Go Slow (incredibly sage advice to a young lad).