This advice columnist reminds me a lot of Dan Savage, as he straightens out a confused guy who can’t quite accept that kinky and crazy are two different things:

Dear Sexorcist:

I’ve come to realize I have a thing for dominant women, though I haven’t acted on it. I can’t help but think that women into BDSM or dominance have serious psychological problems and do I really want to go there? I mean, are these women to be avoided at all costs or do normal, sane dominant women exist?

— Skeptical in Suwannee

Dear Skeptical:

So the guys who want to be dominated are sane but the women who want to dominate are not? “Hello, Pot? This is Kettle. You’re black.”

I’d beat you with a cane if I didn’t think you’d get hard. But then again, I should be nicer to a guy who’s just coming out about his sexual desires. Your predicament is remarkably similar to closeted gay guys: horrified at your own feelings and attacking the people who share them. Then, drunk on the feeling of superiority (“I’m not like them”), you’re certain that “they” are morally wrong or psychologically impaired.

Christ, you’re not a submissive; you’re a Republican!

Like closeted gay guys, you’ll convince yourself it’s just a phase and hook up with different women. For gays, it’s about turning straight. For you, about staying vanilla. Just like the gay guy who’ll try to make it work with women (“Honey, why don’t you turn over on your stomach?”), you’ll try to make it work with yours (“Honey, my wrists aren’t going to handcuff themselves to the bedposts.”).

Next comes ritual self-delusion. The gay guy convinces himself that he’s bi; you convince yourself that you’re conventional. Over time, desire (always the design flaw) breaks the chains and you experiment with the real thing. You’ll never go back. And later, much later, you’ll give your sexual proclivities the significance they deserve — right up there with what you had for breakfast.

Now that I’ve laid out the next two years of your life, wouldn’t it be easier to fast-forward to the good parts? Like getting dominated by hot women on a regular basis? … Trust me, she’s out there. And for the record, she’s not psychologically imbalanced. Bitchy, maybe; disturbed, no.