It turns out that there’s a guy named Steve who does a bit called “Steve, Don’t Eat It!” In which bit he samples various comestibles and near-comestibles for science, and shares the hilarious results with us. From Pickled Pork Rinds to prison wine, he seems pretty fearless.

And then one day he noticed something handy in the refrigerator:

One day I realized that a perfectly viable “Steve Don’t Eat It” candidate has been sitting right under my nose for months. Right in my very own refrigerator. And it came right out of my wife! No, I’m not talking about that giant cucumber, perv. I’m talking about breast milk.

That’s right. And not just a little drop off the odd finger, but a genuine slug of freshly-pumped wife juice. (I’ll go ahead and ignore the shiver I just got, and keep typing.)

I must admit that my aversion to drinking breast milk is something of a double-standard. Let me try to put this as delicately as I can out of respect to my female readers… but some women have been known to willingly “ingest” a certain dubious “body fluid” made by men, during moments of “intimacy.” (These moments are known as “blow jobs.” These women are known as “awesome.”)

Nevertheless, I couldn’t bring myself to just do the whole shot at once, so I started out with a little girly sip.

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