I gotta say right up front: I have not sampled the conversational wares at 1-800-phonesex.com. My Nymph takes a robust stance on monogamy, and in her view, sharing my sexual fantasies over the phone with a stranger would violate our mutual commitment to it. She is aware, I assume, that there’s zero risk to our relationship from a conversation of that sort with a paid professional conversationalist. But there are rules in life, and these are hers.

No matter. Phone sex is more fascinating to me anyway because of the durability of its business model. Commercial phone sex has been around since the 1970s; the porn magazine High Society is said to have set up the first phone sex line during the Carter administration. It survived, after a few high-flying years, a crackdown on adult content by the big phone companies who used to do the billing for those infamous 1-900 numbers. It survived the rise of the internet; and it even survived the complete elimination of 1-900 billing by the last phone company willing to do it, half a dozen years ago. People like phone sex and they don’t mind paying for it, even in 2019.

This shouldn’t be a surprise. There’s a lot of loneliness in the world. What could be nicer than calling a number and having a sexy voice on the other end who is ready to play along with whatever raunchy sexual scenario you feel like sharing? And who is, in all likelihood, a practiced and professional roleplayer, somebody more skilled than you can believe at painting startling and delightful details onto your rough erotic sketches?

Hell yah that business model survives:

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But it is 2019, and without going all “kids these days” on you, there’s a bit of evidence that younger demographics may benefit from pointers about how to make the most of a paid-by-the-minute erotic phone call. Smart operators have some surprisingly good “before you call” information on their websites these days, which is not a thing one ever saw in “back in the day” print advertising or its early web equivalent. The 1-800-phonesex people offer not only a pretty good “Phone Sex Guide” linked from the bottom of their front page, but also a set of “Phone Sex Tips” that read remarkably like something you might once have found in a better men’s magazine. There are even some transcripts billed as being records of real phone sex calls, which make interesting reading if you’re unsure how this kind of call might go.

This drollery from the intro to the phone sex guide made me laugh:

Exploring your deepest fantasies with someone who has made a career of accepting those fantasies should be something that you allow of yourself. If you’re still hesitant, don’t worry. We can hold your hand through this! Metaphorically, of course. You’re going to need your hands.

Yes, indeed! If you don’t need at least one of your hands, you’re probably not doing it right…

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