December 22nd, 2005 -- by Bacchus
How (Not) To Measure A Penis
I have received via email from The Girl an entertaining set of instructions for properly and accurately measuring a penis. The instructions for measuring won’t offer much that’s new to anyone who ever attended a quantitative methods class, or, for that matter, who showed up in pre-school on the day they handed out the little plastic rulers. No indeed, the best parts of the article are the sardonic illustrated instructions on how not to do it:
 Figure 2: Outer Limits Method Incorrect In this view from behind, notice how the starting and ending points of the measure again give a false
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Shorter URL for sharing: http://www.erosblog.com/?p=1016
Shorter URL for sharing: http://www.erosblog.com/?p=1016
Lord Rochester, the very rude and amusing English poet of the late 1600’s, once won a bet that his cock was longer than the cat’s tail (don’t ask which cat. Some cat.) He won because the cat’s tail was measured to the centre of its rosette, and so so should his cock.
So this is an historically validated method.
Thanks guys – was never exactly sure how to do the measurements, so I have had to describe myself as between 3″ and 7″, but now I am confident enough to admit to 6.5″, except after a midnight dip in the pool in winter when the issue of size becomes theoretical rather than practical.
Compairing the size of your cock to a cat’s tail… how amusing.
:D
Supposedly the conversation happened outside a bar whilst both parties were well-intoxicated, and went something like this:
Lord R: I’ll wager that my cock is longer than that cat’s tail!
Companion: I’ll take that wager. Proceed with the measurement.
Lord R: Wait! How do you plan to measure the cat’s tail? From where to where?
Comp: Well, hmmm, from the tip of his tail to his arse-hole.
Lord R: Please extend to me the same courtesy!
Or that’s how the joke goes, anyway!
When I was but a young cock-swain myself (forgive the bad somewhat obscure pun…), there was a device sold in the adult-bookstores of the day called a “Peter-Meter” which consisted of a large glass test-tube or a length of lucite tubing, with a “ruler” printed along it’s outside (or on a decal), into which one introduced one’s erect penis).
This is in my opinion the only correct way to measure a penis, as it gives the length of flesh which one might expect to actually penetrate one’s orifice, which is after all the important question (even though size doesn’t matter…). ;^) ;^)
At any rate, for a while, these were all the rage at parties, as it gave a good excuse for the “larger” guys to whip out their appendages and fein some sort of wagering contests, in order to advertise their “goods”…
Whoops! I meant to spell that “feign”… Sorry Bacchus…