ErosBlog: The Sex Blog

Sex Blogging, Gratuitous Nudity, Kinky Sex, Sundry Sensuality
 
 

Archive for March, 2004

15 Year Old Girl Criminally Charged For Self Abuse

Wednesday, March 31st, 2004 -- by Bacchus

I couldn’t make that up. The news story:

Monday, March 29, 2004

Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

State police have charged a 15-year-old Latrobe girl with child pornography for taking photos of herself and posting them on the Internet.

Police said the girl, whose identity they withheld, photographed herself in various states of undress and performing a variety of sexual acts. She then sent the photos to people she met in chat rooms.

A police report did not say how police learned about the girl. They found dozens of pictures of her on her computer.

She has been charged with sexual abuse of children, possession of child pornography and dissemination of child pornography.

Yup, she was charged with abusing herself by taking self-portraits.

 

Ms. Butt Plugg Atatah, 419 Scammer

Wednesday, March 31st, 2004 -- by Bacchus

Here are some photos from the 419 Eaters Trophy Room. These people make it their business to engage the Nigerian scammers and waste their time. For style points, they convince the Nigerians to pose with various objects and scurrilous signs, and post the resulting photographs in the trophy room. Some samples:

Butt Plug Spammer

Spammer with Crabs

 

Perverted French Porn

Tuesday, March 30th, 2004 -- by Bacchus

I’m quoting this appeal for the light it sheds on international variations in pornography. Sending pornography, if you bother, is up to you. Me, I think I would insist on trading for some of that perverted Frenchie stuff, if I still bothered with dead tree porn:

“I don’t know if any of you are aware of this, but I’m in a real mess. As some of you may know, I happen to be in France. And in France, it’s really hard to get a decent porno magazine, that doesn’t cost 20 bucks and doesn’t have horses and shit in it (French people are perverts!!)

This is what I humbly ask, and whether you agree with it or not, please just try to pass the word around:

I’d really like it if somebody would mail me a Playboy. A Hustler even, or one of those mini-magazines that don’t cost as much to mail….”

Thanks to Harvey at Bad Money (that infamous den of rum, buggery, the lash, and pirate pickup lines) for calling this poor expatriate’s plight to my attention.

 

Erotic Art

Tuesday, March 30th, 2004 -- by Bacchus

It’s time for some erotic art to lighten things up. I believe the art is by Fameni:

erotic art by Fameni

Care to speculate what’s in the picture the young man is looking at?

 

The Great American Man-Dog Marriage Panic

Monday, March 29th, 2004 -- by Bacchus

The Village Voice (popup warning!) lampoons the ridiculous straw man (straw dog?) argument opponents of gay marriage prefer to raise rather than treat with the issue on its merits. This is no mere “attack-the-looniest-conservative-you-can-find” lefty smear job; the article found more than a thousand examples of this meme in Lexis-Nexis, and cites five prominent politicians and four prominent religious figures who have worried publicly about this pressing and terrible problem. I’m with author Richard Goldstein: “I hadn’t realized that so many men of God are worried about folks helping sheep through the fence.”

Thanks to Daze for the link, and to Goldstein for the punning word “petaphilia”. Does that have anything to do with this, I wonder?

 

Lake of Fire, Here I Come!

Monday, March 29th, 2004 -- by Bacchus

I suppose it’s a little surprising it took all this time for the fire and brimstone brigade to come around here. In case you missed it, my comments were graced with this lovely sentiment, unburdened by any actual discussion of or engagement with the topic of my post:

“Whosoever was not found written in the book of life was cast into the lake of fire.”

Which is from Revelations 20:15, although the commenter with the barbecue fetish was apparently too busy visualizing roasted human flesh to bother saying so. Having assumed, for blogging purposes, the identity of the Roman god of intoxication and orgies, I naturally find this sort of badly-directed preaching to be at least as funny as Io in her heifer suit.

Although this particular sex blog is not the place for discussions of Christian religion, me being neither Christian nor convertible, there’s no particular reason why sex blogs (even kinky ones) can’t handle the subject with grace, intelligence, and wit when it comes up. Alas, that’s apparently too much to expect from the littering pamphleteers with the sulphurous savor of burning flesh in their nostrils.

 

13 Is The New 18

Sunday, March 28th, 2004 -- by Bacchus

Carly at Pornblography quotes Earnest Greene:

Thirteen is the new eighteen, and has been for a decade. By 18, most young adults are already sexually active and have been for some time. Better nutrition and pediatric medicine have been steadily lowering the age of first menstruation among American girls to the current record-breaking average of age 11. It’s just preposterous to expect young people to remain sexually inactive for SEVEN YEARS after the onset of puberty.

Preposterous indeed, as I noted some time ago in a discussion about the merits of porn.

 

The Nymph In My Net: Communication

Saturday, March 27th, 2004 -- by Bacchus

This morning at ErosBlog Central I was pouring my second cup of coffee when The Nymph began to wake up.

So I wandered over to the bed to kiss her. After that essential business was taken care of, I was standing by the bed, sipping my coffee, and watching her wake up as we made desultory conversation. (Also, I was amusing myself by tugging at the sheet she was attempting, fruitlessly, to cover herself with.)

I ask her: “So what do you want to do today?”

A: “I need to go to the store.”

Q: “Oh yeah? What for?” (Translation for aliens: “What items do you need to go to the store to get?”)

A: “I need a couple of items.”

Whereupon your researcher abandoned all further attempts to communicate with this alien via ordered sound waves. Instead, I rousted her from her nest by vigorous application of this essential tool to the bottoms of her feet.

She had it coming. No male jury would convict me.

 

The Blowjob Letters: A Correspondence With Aliens

Saturday, March 27th, 2004 -- by Bacchus

Over at Smitten she writes about an event I’m always pleased to be present for — but what in the painted deserts of Barsoom is she talking about?

I can’t imagine why any of you boys like to look down.

  1. Well, first there’s the whole breathing issue. If you have any luck at all with genetics or pills, she won’t be doing much of it through her mouth. Leaving only the nose for that overrated O2 exchange, I’d hope hers isn’t stopped up all of the time like mine is, as this will make her even shorter of breath. I find myself making little gasps every few moments, like when you are swimming underwater and you come up to the surface for just a split-second before you go back under. Sexy, eh?
  2. Then, of course, there’s the suction. Let’s say you’re really enjoying a lollipop, and you pull it from your mouth quickly (like when you have to gasp for air), it makes almost a popping noise from the pressure released.
  3. Additionally, your mouth waters, since you have likely activated your digestive system by putting something in your mouth, and taking quick breaths with a watery mouth makes that’s right slurping noises.
  4. And let’s not forget the gag reflex; the majority of us who are not ‘independent art film actresses’ still have one. When I gag, my whole body lurches a little, forward, which causes, that’s right more gagging.
  5. Plus, there’s the crying. I have the most sensitive eyes in the world, I cry when I laugh, I cry when I’m mad, and I find little tears forming when I’m working really really hard at pulling a golf ball through a garden hose. Sometimes they even spill over. In joy, of course, pure joy. Eventually all of this effort, and crying, will loosen something in my nasal passage, and I will begin to sniffle.

Given all the gasping, suction noises, slurping, lurching, gagging, crying and sniffling, you really have one indelicate and kind of gross girl kneeling in front of you. But you boys never seem to mind.

  1. Gasping. Sexy. This is news?
  2. Suction noises. Sexier. Sex noise is always hot.
  3. Slurping. This is supposed to be a catalog of undesirables?
  4. Gagging. OK, not sexy. But the lurching? We thought you were just lunging forward so you could fit more in your mouth. That’s sexy. 
  5. Crying. Haven’t seen this one. (I’m imagining six macho guys out there saying “Dude, you never made her cry? You must have a tiny wiener.”)

Mind? What’s to mind?

 

Vintage Blowjob Redux

Thursday, March 25th, 2004 -- by Bacchus

Speaking of pretty eyes and smile:

vintage blowjob

Found this on Usenet. Don’t you just love the cute turn-of-the-century ringlets?

 

Fake Celebrity Facials

Thursday, March 25th, 2004 -- by Bacchus

Lately Fleshbot has been all over (if you will pardon the expression) the fake celebrity facial photos genre. First they linked to Project Barkley, and now they’ve found another resource (which alas seems to be staggering under the load just now).

Although semen on a woman’s face is not really my thing, I’m enough of a fun-minded pervert to understand the appeal of the fake celebrity angle. After all, doesn’t Willow seem more approachable when you see her with “your” own cum dribbling from her lips? And who wouldn’t enjoy those gorgeous eyes and that smile under similar circumstances? A man would have to be dead.

I do have to wonder, though, how the celebrities in question feel about it. Yeah, I know, they are well paid and richly compensated in other ways by the popularity which nominates them for this particular indignity, but these are still real human beings with husbands and boyfriends and maiden aunties and little brothers and other such folk in their lives who might find this sort of imagery disturbing.

I’m not going to lose any sleep over it, but we now live in a world where your face and mine and Britney’s are all equally fair game — raw material for whatever digital mix might amuse a fickle public. Already you know that high school boys are circulating “photos” like this in the locker room, starring the homecoming queen and the entire cheerleading squad kneeling in a sticky row. How long until you can beam a mugshot of your cutest co-worker from your phone cam to your DVD player, which will cheerfully paste her facial features onto the lithe body of Vivid’s latest superstar porn model?

 

Everthing You Always Wanted To Know About Goatse.cx

Thursday, March 25th, 2004 -- by Bacchus

You don’t know about goatse.cx? Or tubgirl? You lucky innocent. Move along, nothing to see here.

However, if you want to know all about it, without actually having to lose your breakfast by coming face to face with the images, the Wikipedia people have the straight dope on goatse.cx, tubgirl, and similar shocksites.

And that, boys and girls, is the best argument for the open encyclopedia project I’ve ever seen. Can you imagine a dead-tree commercial publisher compiling or sharing that information?

 

Kermit Shaves Pussy

Wednesday, March 24th, 2004 -- by Bacchus

That nasty little amphibian is at it again:

kermit shaves a pussy

No wonder Miss Piggy always seems so jealous!

 

A Little Sexual Assistance

Monday, March 22nd, 2004 -- by Bacchus

From time to time I’ve heard someone say something hyperbolic like “He couldn’t pull that off with a dozen helpers, a photographer, and a whole team of Clydesdales!”

assisted entry

In this case, three of the assistants are evidently stage right holding the Clydesdales.

 

“Honest, Officer, It Was Marital Advice I Read On A Blog”

Saturday, March 20th, 2004 -- by Bacchus

From time to time I can’t help revisiting Why Your Wife Won’t Have Sex With You (although I do it in the same spirit as a man goes to the racetrack to watch a demolition derby). The prevailing view over at Why Your Wife on this too-frequent lament of the modern American husband tends toward the “try acting more like a woman and she might … just might, so don’t get your hopes up … decide to have sex with you again someday” variety.

Like the flying squirrel said, “Aw, Bullwinkle, that trick never works.”

On the other hand, there’s a comment over in a “Sex And Marriage” post by Quiver. Quiver gives some potentially useful advice to a man in those unhappy sexless straits, only to have a commenter share a rather more robust strategy:

“If all else fails (or if you prefer, before trying anything else) put her over your knee and with one arm firmly around her waist to hold her in place, yank her knickers down and spank her bare bottom very hard until she howls. Then spank her vigorously again until she begs at the top of her voice to be allowed to spread her legs and offers her pussy (which will probably be glistening wet by now). Then allow her to service your cock in whichever way you please. A woman who has just been spanked often sucks exquisitely well, and on her knees doing it she can look deliciously beautiful, so that may be a good starting place.”

Kids, don’t try this at home. Enormous downside potential if it doesn’t work — complete with sirens and handcuffs and a well-deserved orange jumpsuit.

 

“I’d Do Anything…”

Saturday, March 20th, 2004 -- by Bacchus

While visiting Making Light in connection with the last post, I was entertained by this anecdote about the sacrifices editors are sometimes called upon to make in pursuit of their craft:

Jim Frenkel was once approached at a convention by an attractive young lady, who said, approximately:

“Golly, Mr. Frenkel, I’d do anything to be a published author.”

“Anything?”

“Anything.”

“Then write me a good book.”

 

A Mormon Denies Candle Salad

Saturday, March 20th, 2004 -- by Bacchus

A long time ago I blogged this photograph of a phallic dessert attributed to those most clean-minded of people, the Mormons. The post has now drawn this denial:

“I am LDS and I find it appauling you incline we have food like that. We do not and I do not know where you get your information from.”

I don’t know which is more funny: the fact that a Mormon is reading a sex blog and condemning the food reporting, or the fact that that a sex-blog-reading Mormon can’t spell and doesn’t understand that the source of my information is right there in the post behind the little underlined words that link to … wait for it … where I get my information from.

 

“Two Huge Boxes of Pussy”

Friday, March 19th, 2004 -- by Bacchus

Word comes that able porn publicist Carly has lined up the intrepid Cly Maxwell to conduct The Great American Rubber Pussy Challenge. Cly says:

I’m on a quest to become the world’s leading authority on latex pussy. Caesar, Alexander and Napoleon wanted to rule the known world; I want to fuck rubber pussies. My mother must be proud.

And then he begins to write about the results of his product testing. First up: the “Tiffany Mynx Realistic Pussy And Ass”.

 

The Nymph In My Net: Being Sappy And Doing Research

Friday, March 19th, 2004 -- by Bacchus

I realize (as if the comments and emailed queries could allow me not to) that some of you want more frequent updates about The Nymph and our lubricious shenanigans. I’m sorry to have disappointed by my silence, but it’s hard to type a good substantive update (as opposed to the facile “a link and a quote” entries with which I have been fobbing you all off) when she leans over from her adjacent computer chair and starts (as she puts it) “kissing on” me. I’m sure you understand….

Too, we remain in that stage where we spend a lot of time being sappy together, which is enormous fun but doesn’t make for great reportage. Everything is going very well indeed, and despite having moved a great distance so that we can be together, she remains her happy and loveable self. She’s got a job lined up and has met (and been approved, not that it matters) by the local members of my family. Life is good.

Oh yes, and one other thing: the folks at Eros Boutique, being persistent folks with a lot of great merchandise to market, sent along another box with an additional assortment of promising-looking vibrators. So we’ve got product testing to worry about. Ah, the burden of research! Details to follow.

 

Sexy Leprechaun Girl

Wednesday, March 17th, 2004 -- by Bacchus

Courtesy again of Raul Fernandez, we have a sexy leprechaun to wish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day:

nude leprechaun girl

First leprechaun I ever heard of who’s got two pots of gold!

 

A Man’s Religion

Tuesday, March 16th, 2004 -- by Bacchus

Longtime readers will remember Halley Suitt’s lessons on being an Alpha Male. I was reminded of them in an oblique sort of way by the following essay, which is written (with tongue firmly in cheek) in the style of an old-fashioned tent-revival sermon, by a fellow who’s working the Alpha Male thing a bit harder than most. Herewith Dan the DDHubby delivers That Old Time Religion:

Brothers, I say unto you: Know what you are. You are the husband, the man, the male. You have been given gifts by the Creator, whatever name you call him or her or it. You have been given gifts by Providence. Those gifts have taken you and your brethren far. We crawled out of the caves, we climbed out of the sea, we slid down the trees, we stood and walked and made tools and language and fire and agriculture and civilization and literature and medicine.

We tamed lightening and used it to make sand think!

The gifts that have been given unto you do not stop there. Oh no!

Count your blessings!

Providence has given you women! They have given you a spouse! A partner! A best friend! A lover! If the woman beside you is only some of these things, or Providence forbid, none of these things, do not point a finger, do not hold up a hand, do not deny your own responsibility in these matters!

Quiet now, brothers. Listen carefully to me. It is true that in some circumstances an error has been made by the Fates. It is sad, but it is true. From time to time an error of such magnitude has occurred that the only choice for correction is dissolution. It is sad, it happens. Hopefully, brothers, you will learn from that error and not repeat it.

But, if it is not error that causes your problems, it may be something else. It may be the darkness inside you that holds you back. It may be the darkness inside you that doesn’t want you doing what must be done.

For that is the one truth that all my brothers must embrace. That is the one truth that you must Know in order to be happy. That is the one truth that you must live every single day of your life. That is the one truth that will set you free.

Listen closely, brothers. Listen carefully. Write this down if you must, but commit it to your heart, commit it to your soul, commit it to your very life:

Men do what must be done.

 

One of THOSE Conversations

Monday, March 15th, 2004 -- by Bacchus

The latest Ross in Range column (Advice to Women About Men, or JR Uses Your Wristwatch to Tell You the Time) contains this utterly hopeless conversation. Men, you might want to start banging your heads on your keyboards now:

Here is a true exchange that occurred between people I know. See if you can learn something from it. It’s bedtime and the couple is undressing for bed:

Wife, a former beauty pageant winner who had gained 80 pounds in the three years since marriage: “I’m sooo fat.”

Husband, who had been hoping to get laid and is dismayed by this development: “You are terribly sexy. You’ve got great curves.”

Wife, not letting it go: “Tell me: Am I the fattest woman you’ve ever fucked?” [Question for readers: What is the proper response to this? I can’t imagine.]

Husband, wishing she would think about something else: “No, not even close.”

Wife, who knows his two previous girlfriends had good figures: “WHO has been a lot fatter than me? Tell me the truth! Who?”

Husband, thinking the truth will be the best policy: “Well, there was this girl named Mary. I forget her last name. It was maybe ten years ago. She worked in the same office as my girlfriend at that time. My girlfriend said Mary hadn’t had sex in several years because she was so fat no man wanted to. She asked if I’d have sex with Mary, you know, as a favor. Something nice you’d do for someone who needs cheering up.”

Wife: “So, you had a date with her and then had sex?”

Husband: “No, she came over with my girlfriend, and the three of us had some wine and listened to music. Then my girlfriend said ‘Why don’t you two go into the bedroom?’ So we did.”

Wife: “And you had sex with her?”

Husband: “Yes.”

Wife: “Did you like it?”

Husband: “I liked the fact that I was making her feel good.”

Wife: “But you were repulsed by her weight?”

Husband, thinking back to that night and how it had made three people feel good about themselves: “Well, I tried not to think about what she looked like. The lights were low. My girlfriend looked kind of like Renee Russo, and I imagined I was with her, but with some big pillows squooshed around her.”

Wife: “So you WERE disgusted by her weight!”

Husband: “Not the weight itself, exactly, but what it did to her. I mean, she had trouble walking, and that was painful to watch. And no way could she support herself on her hands and knees.”

Wife: “Trouble WALKING? How fat WAS she?”

Husband: “According to my girlfriend, she stopped weighing herself when she got over five hundred pounds.”

Wife, appalled: “So what other fat women have you had sex with?”

Husband, now utterly fed up and seeing no point in being tactful: “She got the gold. You get the silver.”

In my opinion this man made a mistake by answering his wife’s questions, but I’m not sure how I would have handled it differently. Refuse to speak? Pretend to have diarrhea and run to the bathroom? Feign an epileptic seizure?

 

Difficulties of Dragon Reproduction

Sunday, March 14th, 2004 -- by Bacchus

Here we have a nice graphic illustrating why dragons died out:

why dragons died out

Well, you have to admit it might have been a factor. Louts in armor can’t have done the whole of the dirty deed, can they?

 

Benefits Of Rectal Analgesics

Sunday, March 14th, 2004 -- by Bacchus

There is no intention that this sex blog should host a long parade of sexual medical mishaps. Nor yet do I want to tread upon the ground that has been so thoroughly and famously trodden by the infamous Rectal Foreign Bodies page. However, in response to the last item Dr_Spaz was kind enough to email this link:

An unexpected benefit of pre-emptive rectal analgesic administration: the “key” to postoperative analgesia.

Moving rapidly along….

 

Or Is He Just Happy To See Her?

Friday, March 12th, 2004 -- by Bacchus

This looks like a fellow who derived so much enjoyment from being writhed upon by that pouncing stripper that there may be no need to remove his underwear. On the other hand, it’s possible that he’s just getting ready. In either case, it would appear that he’s enjoying the experience:

happy man leaking precum while he gets some sort of floor lapdance or stripper pounce

 

Accidental Condom Inhalation

Friday, March 12th, 2004 -- by Bacchus

For real. And for six months she didn’t see fit to mention it to her health provider:

A 27-year-old lady presented with persistent cough, sputum and fever for the preceding six months. Inspite of trials with antibiotics and anti-tuberculosis treatment for the preceeding four months, her symptoms did not improve. A subsequent chest radiograph showed non-homogeneous collapse-consolidation of right upper lobe. Videobronchoscopy revealed an inverted bag like structure in right upper lobe bronchus and rigid bronchoscopic removal with biopsy forceps confirmed the presence of a condom. Detailed retrospective history also confirmed accidental inhalation of the condom during fellatio.

Thanks to J. Orlin Grabbe for the link.

 

Tortured By Vice Girls In Guantanamo

Friday, March 12th, 2004 -- by Bacchus

With due regard for the source (especially considering the harsh words said yesterday in this space about notorious British tabloids) this news story about the use of prostitutes to torment religious prisoners at Guantanamo is nonetheless rather eye-opening:

MY HELL IN CAMP X-RAY

A BRITISH captive freed from Guantanamo Bay today tells the world of its full horror – and reveals how prostitutes were taken into the camp to degrade Muslim inmates.

But Jamal’s most shocking disclosure centred on the use of vice girls to torment the most religiously devout detainees.

Prisoners who had never seen an “unveiled” woman before would be forced to watch as the hookers touched their own naked bodies.

The men would return distraught. One said an American girl had smeared menstrual blood across his face in an act of humiliation.

Jamal said: “I knew of this happening about 10 times. It always seemed to be those who were very young or known to be particularly religious who would be taken away.”

 

Tabloid Sleaze Emails

Thursday, March 11th, 2004 -- by Bacchus

Belle de Jour has confirmed the book deal rumor, which is excellent news. And I’m sure it will be an excellent book.

Meanwhile, a reporter for a notorious British tabloid sent me a slimy email offering to pay me money for any information I might have about Belle. Real smart, asking one anonymous blogger to “out” another one. Not that I have the desired information in any case; all I know is what I read on her blog. But still, just how stupid do the tabloid journalists think we are?

Hmm, I guess that question has already been answered.

 

How Not To Get A Response From A Woman

Tuesday, March 9th, 2004 -- by Bacchus

Quiver has been looking for a dominant fellow on Alt.com. Herewith some sample emails she has received, otherwise known as the “don’t do this” list:

be a slave to my 10 in. let me slay u with my huge blk. Cock
can you send me photos??

Lets see if you can follow directions, and send me a dirty pic of yourself.

Kindof like Forced Entry. Lets play

I am really turned on by that shit, can I have a go at it?

Reply you will not be sorry

Does your play involved any gun play? Ever tried that during a scene? Guns are better, but knives are good to, I’ve got a spyderco from work that I use for play too.

I want to use you.

Eeep!

Oh yeah, and gentlemen? “NEVER send a pic of you fisting someone…”

Words to live by.

 

“And On The Table, A Jug of Punch”

Tuesday, March 9th, 2004 -- by Bacchus

Diablo Cody from Pussy Ranch writes:

“Yesterday, a man paid me to punch him repeatedly in the stomach for ten straight minutes. He explained that an incident during his childhood had spawned the fetish, and told me to punch him as hard as I could. So I did. I’ve never slugged anyone before, and I must admit it felt good.”

There are more things under the sun, Horatio….

 

The Dangers Of Cold

Monday, March 8th, 2004 -- by Bacchus

Canadians naturally enough have a heightened sense of awareness of the terrible danger posed by cold. Mike proves it:

It started on the couch. Chelle was just wearing one of my t-shirts, and was all bundled up watching a movie. I came over, sat with her, her feet in my lap. Rubbed them a little, and then peaked under the blanket. No undies. Eeeeeep.

My biggest fear was that her pussy would get cold, and she’d catch a flu, and then she’d be miserable for weeks. Sure she was covered up, but there still could be drafts blowing underneath or something. It was very much an emergency, so I did the only thing I could think of – I put my mouth on her.

Yes I’m silly. What of it?

It was even worse then I feared – she wasn’t wearing a bra.

As an object lesson I pulled the shirt up over her head, and got up for some supplies. When I got back, I applied an ice cube to her nipples, to show her the danger that cold represents. Then because I needed her out of danger I applied some of that warming massage oil and breathed on them. The way her back arched, my goodness.

 

Smiling Eyes (Above Her Gag)

Sunday, March 7th, 2004 -- by Bacchus

I’m posting this picture (ganked from Bondage Blog) because the duct tape gag provides a perfect opportunity to see what the writers mean when they say “her eyes were smiling”:

smiling eyes above a duct tape gag

Isn’t that pretty? She obviously needs the gag because she has a delicious secret she can’t wait to tell.

 

Sex Among The Homeless

Friday, March 5th, 2004 -- by Bacchus

Hoax, performance art, or protest? You be the judge:

“A love couple made love freely on the Sergels plaza in the absolute centre of the town to remind of that also homeless people do have a sexlife.”

Found at Naked Protesters.

 

Living Sushi Platter, Redux

Friday, March 5th, 2004 -- by Bacchus

For all the furor over the recent craze of eating sushi off a naked woman, it’s apparently not a new idea. Here’s a vintage Japanese art print depicting the practice, conducted in a most intimate fashion:

illustration of man eating sushi off a naked woman's private parts

Now be careful with the wasabi!

Similar Sex Blogging:

 

Is Chocolate Syrup A Moisturizer?

Thursday, March 4th, 2004 -- by Bacchus

This girl seems to think so.

But be careful clicking around over there. The link entitled “Buttpainting” on that site is emphatically not misleading. If the term “colonic artistry” doesn’t scare you off, the phrase “winking buttholes shooting colorful girl-goo” probably will. And if you clicked anyway after those fair warnings, don’t come whining to me.

 

Start A Girl Collection

Thursday, March 4th, 2004 -- by Bacchus

This morning’s quickie: complete scans of Girl Watcher magazines from 1959.

Sorry about the lack of blogging yesterday; just as I took my first sip of coffee and sat down to blog, The Nymph woke up and I got a better offer.

 

Purple Plastic Penguin Sex

Tuesday, March 2nd, 2004 -- by Bacchus

If you had this fetish, what in the name of Jupiter’s Swollen Schwang would possess you to allow anyone to take a picture?

purple penguin sex

Do you suppose he has a pet name for his plastic penguin?

Picture courtesy of B0G.

 

More Puppy-Style Sex

Monday, March 1st, 2004 -- by Bacchus

Hormones out of control do some terrifying things. Case in point, from Smitten:

These hormones I’m taking have reduced me to being a girl who coos incessantly over puppies. Dreams about puppies. Wants to make puppies. Somehow, the more normal desire in a 27-year-old girl to make babies has taken a wrongful detour in my body and transformed itself into a desire to start a little puppy family.

Fortunately, Alex is also obsessed with dogs. We went over names for our future puppy this weekend the way other couples choose baby names.

Of course, we don’t actually live together. Nor do we have the time needed to devote to a puppy. Nor do we want the expense of a dog-walker. Nor are we going to get one for a while because it’s not practical. But, details. The Pill wants a puppy.

The other morning I pounced on him and energetically licked his face while he was sleeping. ‘Are you sure you’re ready for a puppy?! Are you sure?!!’ I yipped breathily, eagerly tapping my hind foot on the bed. Tap-tap, tap-tap-tap. ‘Do you need to be walked?’ he said sleepily, ‘Should I get your leash?’ ‘You’re so funny’ I said as I nudged my nose into his chest, arm, stomach, and made whimpering noises. Nudge-nudge, nudge-nudge-nudge. Lick-lick-slobber. Tap-tap-tap. ‘All right, that’s it!‘ he said and flipped me over.

Ah, doggies.

Of course, sometimes terrifying is also cute.

 

The Nipple Of Jealousy

Monday, March 1st, 2004 -- by Bacchus

Although I am not privy to the general run of circulating email funnies, and have gone to great lengths to ensure that none of my friends include me in those ever-widening spirals of insanity, I do appreciate the occasional gem that someone sends to me (me, specifically) when they think I’ll enjoy it. Thanks therefore to Sarah, who sent me the following image which has apparently been circulating in email under the caption “A desperate attempt to revive a flagging career.”

miss piggie's bare nipple

However, I believe that caption fails to accurately characterize the true reason for Miss Piggie’s desperation. In reality, I believe she’s jealous of the bunny.

 
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