Or how to have fun on the back roads with that spotlight your Uncle Dave picked up for spotlighting deer:

“Beep beep!”

It will come as no surprise to the veteran sex blog surfer that there are folks out there selling powders and pills that are supposed to improve the flavor of male semen. But, thanks to Adam Curry and the United States Patent Office, we now have details about one such product, Patent #6485773, including a recipe and a description of the oh-so-scientific methods used to perfect it.

First the recipe, which boils down to “eat more fruit”:

38-41%              Freeze-dried Pineapple Juice
12-14%              Freeze-dried Banana Powder
7-9%                Freeze-dried Broccoli Powder
5-7%                Freeze-dried Celery Powder
5-7%                Freeze-dried Strawberry or
                        Cherry Juice Powder
5-7%                Cinnamon Powder
5.5% up to 1143 mg  Calcium Powder
1.9% up to 400 mg   Magnesium Powder
1.2-2%              Ginger root Powder
1.2-2%              Nutmeg Powder
1.0% up to 200 mg   Creatine Powder
.5% up to 100 mg    Zinc AAC 20%
up to 30 mg         Selenium AAC 0.2%
up to 6 mg          Vitamin E
up to 2.5 mg        Vitamin B6
up to .5 mg         Vitamin B12
Total: 21-22 grams - in Powder

And here’s how they figured it out:

During the research and development phase of this invention, it was discovered that pineapple juice and broccoli were only slightly effective in improving semen taste, regardless how much of either or both were ingested. As a result, powder concentrates of both ingredients were tested, with only slightly better results. Finally, freeze-dried forms of these same ingredients were tried with significantly improved results. As certain other fruits and vegetables were also somewhat effective in improving taste results, banana, celery, and strawberry/cherry were also ultimately selected and added to the formulation. The cumulative effects of these five ingredients in freeze-dried form produced greatly improved semen-taste results. Further research and testing resulted in discovering that three specific spices (Ginger, Cinnamon, and Nutmeg) were successful in neutralizing the generally salty/bitter taste usually attributed to the male ejaculate. As a result, these three spices were also added to the invention formulation in optimal ratios, as determined during our research and development.
…
Following this, marketing testing began with 27 local couples of different ages, races, and health regimens (e.g. smokers/non-smokers, drinkers/non-drinkers, healthy/not-so-healthy lifestyles and diets). Questionnaires were created and used for data collection by said couples and, after several months, the data was examined. The results were highly positive, clearly indicating that regardless of the lifestyles of the couples, significant semen-taste improvement was experienced by all in the market-test group. Subsequent to this, the product was placed on the market where after thousands of orders and with a 100% Money-back Guarantee, less than 1.5% return of product has been experienced.

I really love that last line. I can see the letter now: “Dear Sir: I would like a refund for your semen taste-improving product. It does not work. My cum still tastes nasty. Sincerely, your customer.”

Some good advice from Daze: “We’ll skip past the stuff about parasites and jump right to the sex.”

I think that’s probably almost always the wisest course.

I seem to be stuck in a picture rut lately. Here’s a shot of the world’s most ridiculous bikini bottom:

It must be summertime….

I’ve “borrowed” the following graphic from the front page of the excellent if somewhat frightening medical fetish toy sellers at MedicalToys.Com. (The theory is that they’ll overlook my liberality in this respect because of the free promotion it gives them; presumably if that theory is wrong they’ll menace me with urethral catheters or lawyers or something and I’ll have to replace the graphic with a picture of Mickey Rat giving someone the finger.)

But I digress. The picture:

If you don’t recognize the object “Nurse Laurel” is brandishing, these two archive entries might help you out. If you don’t know why it’s sexy, don’t worry; like most fetishes, the appeal is not obvious…except to those to whom it is obvious. I confess this one has me scratching my head, but presumably it’s all in good fun.

From deep in the archives of the Onion, this headline, with story to match:

Local Lutheran Minister Loves To Fuck His Wife

Even before Fox News showed the world (courtesy of the virile artillerypersons of the 3ID), Dr. Susan Block had figured out that Iraq was all about the bukkake.