ErosBlog has a little bit of history with the idea of putting oranges up a person’s butt. And however good or bad an idea that might strike you as, it can be done.

We’re not just talking about squishy little Mandarin deals, either. Oh, no.

Oh, no. We’re talking big robust California Navel oranges.

Explanations I leave to others.

Learn the pipes. Play the pipes. Trust the pipes. The pipes will come through for you:

But only, perhaps, if you are a minor forest deity. Your mileage may vary.

(I’d really like a provenance for this art; right now, I don’t have any.)

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I stalwartly maintain that our prudery as a society inhibits our ability to teach our young people. Take the classics, like, say, The Golden Ass by Apuleius. It’s not a bad book as it stands, but it’s even more entertaining as imagined by Milo Manara:

This panel from Manara’s graphic novel version found at Spanking Blog.

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It would appear that she did, like all good literary ladies in 1919.

This is from a short erotic story called The Bread Of Angels and I am indebted to Miss Maggie Mayhem for the link:

An instant more, and his tongue had left her fainting mouth and was twisting like a soft, pink snake about each breast in turn, passing from one to the other till his lips closed hard on the nipples, sucking them with a tender gluttony.

Then suddenly he drew back her wrapper entirely, whispered, “I want you all, so that my eyes can see all that my lips can’t cover,” and in a moment she was free, lying before him in her fresh young nakedness, and feeling that indeed his eyes were covering it with fiery kisses. But Mr. Palmato was never idle, and while this sensation flashed through her, one of his arms had slipped under her back and wound itself around her so that his hand again enclosed her left breast. At the same moment the other hand softly separated her legs and began to slip up the old path it had so often traveled in darkness. But now it was light, she was uncovered; and looking downward beyond his dark, silver-sprinkled head, she could see her own parted knees and outstretched ankles and feet. Suddenly she remembered Austin’s rough advances and shuddered.

The mounting hand paused, the dark head was instantly raised. “What is it, my own?”

“I was–remembering–last week–” she faltered, below her breath.

“Yes, darling. That experience was a cruel one–but it has to come once in all women’s lives. Now we shall reap its fruit.”

Long ago, I stumbled over an infographic (though I don’t think anybody called them that, it was so long ago) on how to tie a Japanese rope bondage harness. Only trouble was, with the blogging tools back then I only knew how to use things that were small enough to be cropped or reduced to 320 pixels wide; plus, it was an ugly graphic (because somebody had slapped a nasty repeating watermark all over it). No matter, I was all “Woo, bondage! Must be edgy and post about it!” Hey, I was a newbie, and this was 2003 — kink still had a smidge more of a taboo edge back then.

So I fired up my primitive cropping tools, did the best I could, and made a post, with a poorly-cropped thumbnail and a link to the ugly over-watermarked monstrosity. But I wasn’t ever really happy about that post — the graphic was poor quality and my thumbnail was even worse.

Fortunately, the internet is like the ocean; if you wait long enough, it will eventually wash treasures up on your beach. Today’s treasure was a huge, clear, bright and unsullied .jpg of the same infographic that I butchered so badly back then. So, seven years later, I went back and updated the post:

Japanese Bondage Illustrated

Like the lady says on the defunct Tumblr said, “if it’s got sprinkles and frosting, I’m probably going to lick it.”

And since I can’t seem to get my head out of the Tumblr gutter today, may I present:

Two dicks rubbing together.

Duels have been fought over the issue of whether it’s “gay” for you to rub dicks with another man in that situation. I’ll probably never be young enough or adventurous enough or limber enough to have to worry about that myself, but my considered opinion is: “Dude, if that’s what’s got you worried at a time like that, you need to learn to relax and live more in the moment.”