I realize that I’ve spent a couple of hours showing Clooney sites about Clooney, but I haven’t asked him, Does he ever go on the Internet?
“I go on YouTube when somebody says to look something up,” he answers. “There was one a few years ago that killed me. Look up ‘monkey smells butt.’ ”
I type it in. Up pops a video of a chimp sticking his finger up his butt, smelling it, then promptly passing out.
Clooney roars with laughter. “He just smells it and goes woooah and flops off the side. That always kills me.”
At this point, I make a segue that seemed relevant at the time but in retrospect was probably a very bad idea. “You know,” I tell him, “I asked the guy who does the Esquire Web site what I should show George Clooney, and he said, ‘Show him 2 Girls 1 Cup.’ ”
“What’s that?”
“It’s the most disturbing video in the history of videos.”
“Show it to me.”
“Really? I don’t know.”
“I can take it,” Clooney says. “I’m a grown-up. We’re all grown-ups.”
“It’s scarring. It’ll scar you forever.”
“Is it long?” he asks.
“No,” I tell him, “but it’s so disturbing. I saw it once and can never get it out of my mind. I can’t watch it again.”
“I want to see it.”
Well, he asked. After a bit of searching, I find the link. I click it.
After several seconds: “It’s not so bad,” he says.
Three seconds later: “Oh.”
Another two seconds: “Oh, my GOD! Oh, my God!! Oh, my God!”
Clooney puts his hand over his mouth like he’s going to throw up. He bolts from his chair and walks out of the room.
Clooney’s longtime PR guy, Stan Rosenfield, wants to know what the fuss is about. Clooney tells him he just watched the most repulsive video he’s ever seen. Rosenfield wants to see it.
“I want to go at least one second more than George.”
“I’ve got to watch Stan watch it,” Clooney says, recomposing himself. “It’s like the rodeo — see how long you can last.”
Rosenfield lasts three full seconds before walking out.
Clooney, having regarded himself all morning, now just watches, doubled over with laughter.
