I’ve mentioned before the odd pathology of pornographers using ugly language to describe and market the porn talent, and cited with approval pornographers who speak out against the practice. Here’s another citation: Sam Sugar, in an article cataloging the big lies told by pornographers, says:

3. Sluts. Despite what it says on the box, if you call a woman — even a porn performer — a nasty cum-drinking bitch when you’re not having sex with her, she’s probably going to knee you in the nuts. The tubby mommies-boys and misogynists who market porn want you to think that the way they view women is how women in porn see themselves. Try calling a performer a “dirty cock-socket” at a trade-show if you think it is, in fact, true. Watch your head.

It’s a grand day when a guy is so confident of what he wants that he can say to a naked woman;

Honey, you’re beautiful and sexy, but I need a bigger box.

Wombat amusingly elaborates over at Kiss & Blog. Makes sense to me.

I’ve been traveling this week and putting a lot of interstate highway behind me. So I’ve see a lot of signs: “$1000 Fine For Littering.” Ho, hum, I guess a hundred ten-spots out the window would make “fine” litter, eh? I should be so rich.

Stupid sign.

Then I got to the great state of Washington. Climbing the north shore of the grand Columbia, I spotted the first new anti-litter warning:

IF YOU LITTER,
IT WILL HURT!

It’s a testimony to the power of blogging and the global microbrand, I think, that when my sleepy road-hypnotized eyes took in the first of these signs, my inner voice spoke unbidden: “If you litter it will hurt? Wow, they must be working with Mistress Matisse!”

Alas, back here in the real world, I expect that if they put Mistress Matisse in charge of the littering punishments, there’d be a sudden rash of fresh garbage along Washington’s highways.

Via BoingBoing comes word of James Lilek’s latest snarky deconstruction of mid-20th-century fashion, this time in the form of the amazingly-tame 1977 catalog from Fredericks Of Hollywood:

“On the far left, a small bra ad: it’s Farrah Fawcett, practicing her expressions should she land a role that requires her to be slapped, yet look sexy and available.”

Sometimes the Lileks caption is all you need:

“Lord Slink from the Planet Mantis puts the move on Loni Anderson.”

Here’s a hilarious transcript of cybersex gone terribly … right? Some goon tries to pretend to be a master, but he seems to think it mostly involves virtual punches and namecalling. And then the hunter becomes the hunted:

mia: *gets out strap-on, and slips it on*

jblack: whoa

mia: *attaches 14″ dildo to strap-on*

mia: *lubes the dildo up*

jblack: where’s the girl? you’re going to fuck a girl right?

mia: you’re the girl. i’m going to fuck you.

jblack: master does not approve

mia: no, see. this whole time you’re under the assumption that i needed to be dominated

mia: the truth of the matter is, I do the dominating.

mia: and to prove it

mia: i’m going to fuck your cyber ass until it cyber bleeds

jblack: master says no

mia: no, YOUR MASTER says yes

mia: bend the fuck over

jblack: i don’t like this

mia: too fucking bad, worm. you’re gonna get it now

mia: *bends you over. spreads your ass.*

jblack: no i don’t want this

mia: he doesn’t WANT this, he says. what about what i said, before you cyber raped me, DICK?

mia: all i’m doing is what you did to me. you think that’s unfair?

jblack: yes

mia: and why is that

jblack: because i aint a fag

mia: oh but i am?

jblack: different. your a bitch

mia: no, actually, YOU’RE the bitch right now

mia: *slams my big dildo into your ass*

mia: oh that feels so good doesn’t it, bitch?

jblack: this is rape

mia: “shut up, bitch. enjoy it”

mia: oh yeah, you like that?

mia: you like Master’s cock?

*jblack has signed off*

Similar Sex Blogging:

• The Happier Man
• Big Peg
• Bend Over Anime Boyfriend

When I was just a kid, I remember seeing some brightly colored surreal erotic landscapes in a Penthouse magazine, featuring breast mountains, penis volcanoes, semen rivers, and the like. The latest erotic drawing by Patty at Creative Spanked Wife put me fondly in mind of that long-forgotten pictorial, but I like this better:

What you see here is a severely cropped-and-reduced thumbnail of Patty’s drawing, so be sure to go see the whole thing at full size.

Oddest sex spam of the day, reproduced in its entirety:

Hi

Buy viagra or die!

Have a nice day.

Although I’m not sure it’s technically spam, since it came through without a working link or a valid reply email. Perhaps it’s just an aggressive new brand awareness campaign by Pfizer?