Have you ever wondered how all those guys in the old stories had sex with mermaids? Deadprogrammer has the answer — namely, there was once supposed to be a bawdy two-tailed mermaid called a melusine:

If she looks familiar, it’s because you’ve seen her thousands of times before. She’s in the Starbucks logo, although over time she’s been sanitized, sterilized, covered up, de-belly-buttoned, liposuctioned, and (the ultimate indignity) ruthlessly cropped.

Although I think Robert here may be lacking in sympathy for men who didn’t choose quite so wisely as he did in the marital sweepstakes, the man does have something of point:

I had lunch and a couple of drinks with some guys from work yesterday. We usually just talk about work. But one guy starts talking about his wife saying he never gets any now that they have kids. By the time his wife gets home from work and takes care of the kids she’s too tired. The other guy says yeah me too and he only has one teenage kid. Then the one guy starts talking about his latest video game and staying up all night playing it. The other guy talks about the computer gambling he’s into and the car he’s rebuilding. I’m thinking these guys don’t deserve to get any. They’re too stupid.

You’ve got to read the whole thing — especially the part where he says “Women are easy.“

In case you thought tentacle sex was a modern Japanese kink, this vintage shunga image ought to disabuse you:

The artist is the famous Katsushika Hokusai, who died in 1849. What’s more, there’s a link at Tentacle Porn to a putative translation of the script surrounding the image. No warranties, express or implied:

OCTOPUS MAXIMUS: My wish comes true at last, this day of days; finally I
have you in my grasp! Your “bobo” is ripe and full, how wonderful! Superior
to all others! To suck and suck and suck some more. After we do ot
masterfully, I’ll guide yo to the Dragon Palace of the Sea God and envelope
you. “Zuu sufu sufu chyu chyu chyu tsu zuu fufufuuu…”

MAIDEN: You hateful octopus! Your sucking at the mouth of my womb makes me
gasp for breath! Aah! yes… it’s… There.!!! With the sucker, the
sucker!! inside, squiggle, squiggle, Oooh! Oooh, good, Oooh good! There,
there! Theeeeere! Goood! Whew! Aah! Good, good, Aaaaaaaaaah! Not yet!
Until now it was I that men called an octopus! An octopus! Ooh! Whew! How
are you able…!? Ooh! “yoyoyooh, Saa… Hicha hicha gucha gucha, yuchyuu
chyu guzu guzu suu suuu….”

OCTOPUS MAXIMUS: All eigth legs (arms?) to interwine with!! How do you like
it htis way? Ah, look! The inside has swollen, moistened by the warm waters
of lust. “Nura nura doku doku doku…”

MAIDEN: Yes, it tingles now; soon there will be no sensation at all left my
hips. Ooooooh! Boundaries and borders gone! I ‘ve Vanished….!!!!!!

OCTOPUS MINIMUM: After daddy finishes, I too want to rub and rub my suckers
at the ridge of your furry place until you disappear and then I’ll suck
some more, “chyu chyu..”

There’s this Naked Jen, see. And she’s got a blog, see. And it’s your pretty regular sort of blog, see, except that now and then (fairly often; durn near every Friday, even) she posts a picture of herself naked — usually naked in a public place. Ya gotta know all that, before you read (and look at) her 10 Things To Know About Disney World post:

10. When attempting to take a naked picture lying on Mickey’s Bed, alarms will go off. There’s a reason that there is a do not cross sign there. His bedroom really is off limits. The minute you step into his bedroom, loud alarms sound and Disney cast members come running to see what all the commotion is about. They then will discover you standing there half in the room, half out of the room without your clothes on and they will not be PLEASED at all.

It is a far better idea to take your naked photos in Minnie Mouse’s house, which is right next-door. While there are loads of very small children traipsing through, there are no alarms and thus you have a far better chance of actually getting naked, having your niece snap a quick photo, and moving along to the next attraction without creating a spectacle!

There’s even a picture. Obviously photoshopped (well, the mouse ears are obviously photoshopped in, and Jen says the whole thing is a photoshop) but still funny as hell.

It wasn’t the toe sucking that caught my eye when I saw this gallery:

No, it was the disgruntled look on the face of the girl doing the sucking. (Don’t pay any mind to that guy in the audience yelling “I’ll gruntle her!”) Then another shot established some context for her disgruntlement (for surely the toes would not be an unbearable indignity):

There’s really nobody who does girls being mean to each other better than Whipped Ass.

For some time now I’ve been compiling one of the two weekly Sex Blog Roundups over at the extremely-cool Fleshbot. But for one stupid reason or another, I’ve kept forgetting to link to the roundups after I’ve done ’em. Today’s roundup is here, so git along, little dogies!

Doxy the self-described phone slut has written an impressive How To Get Started In Phone Sex tutorial.

Linked in part here because practical advice about sex work is always hard to find. Linked in greater part because, if it inspires even one person who finds it here to become self-employed and thus free herself from cubicle drudgery, I will have done my good deed for the day.