Do you have trouble keeping the players straight without a scorecard? Are you always getting into, and losing, bar bets over which Buffy character slept where, and with whom?

Nope? Me neither. So I’m not really sure what this Buffy sex chart is for. But it’s surely a triumph of obsessive fandom. Enjoy!

Tell me how, how in the name of Hera’s humongous hotbox, did I manage to miss Rollertrain for more than a year? The engineer of the train calls herself “Charges”, and I just love her foul-mouthed ranting style. Example, from Top 10 Reasons Why I Hate Fake Lesbian Porno:

Answer me this, bitches: If a dick devotee like myself can figure out that all clitori pretty much require the same kind of stimulation that mine does, then why – you eighteen-year-old Californian cretins, with your sexual boundary issues and your ass tattoos and your daddy deficits and your navel rings and those cheap plastic stripper shoes – shouldn’t you? We’re watching you.

If you don’t know how to eat a pussy, why are you trying to eat one? And why don’t you try a little harder? It’s your JOB. That girl’s dirty crotch is bringing home your bacon. If you want to do porn without eating pussy, there’s no shame in that! But please, just go straight to the 5-man gang bangs. Skip the snatch. I am tired of watching you pussy amateurs trying to act like you enjoy screwing around with girls.

Or how about this observation about porn stars?

I’m critical of pornstars, especially the high-school graduates who jump into their Jenna Jameson fantasies without any prior research. It always amazes me to catch stories about these dodo birds showing up at gonzo studios without any idea of what to expect. I mean no idea. When I hear little gonzo bitches bawl over what happened to them in Golden Guzzlers #17, all I can think is didn’t you at least rent Golden Guzzlers #1? How could you decide to start doing porno without doing any homework?

Being a pornstar is probably the easiest way for unmotivated young girls to make a lot of money. All they have to do is show up. Being a good pornstar, however, is a very hard job that takes endurance, intelligence and a lot of balls, and the few women who do it well should be commended and highly compensated. I am still critical of good pornstars; once your privates become part of public domain, the images no longer belong to you. But I deeply respect women who succeed in the sex industry, because they have bigger balls than me, and because they’re fucking beautiful.

Too much fun!

We’re back! Thanks ever so much, Aphrodite, for keeping things hot here while we were in New Orleans.

Long trip, and we’re utterly worn out from all the walking and standing at the parades. Had an absolutely excellent time. There is a photo or two to share (nothing very nude, I fear) and I have some nifty “Bacchus” swag thrown at the parade of my spiritual brothers in the Krewe of Bacchus. (I’m considering holding a “show us your tits” contest to give some of the swag away — or would that fall short of the already-low ErosBlog standard of taste?)

But first, I’m afraid, I have about four thousand emails to sort through. One of the sex spams made me wonder. Subject line: “Mature fillies are awaiting you!” My brain’s first reaction: Isn’t a “mature filly” a, er, mare? Say it with me, please: EEEEWWWW!

I posted a leather corset picture last month from Corset Dreams that could’ve been from RetroRaunch. It was pretty enough, but probably a little tame for some tastes. Here’s something that’s more likely to suit those who walk on the wild side:

Loooooove those nipple rings! This corset model is “Astrid,” and like most of the others at AMF Korsets it’s available in lots of colors. They also sell metal gear, masks, restraints, belts, and-no kidding-wings. Beautiful, twisted stuff, from “a division of the aesthetic meat factory.”

From an exceptionally hot entry by Philip at Hot Action:

Your lipstick colour should function as an advertisement for the colour of your nipples. Whether it’s the sweetest pale pink or the deepest golden brown, let me know what I’m getting. Take your time to find the correct shade. It’s important. ….

Putting on lip gloss is a surrogate for holding your breast in one hand and my hard cock in the other as you squeeze hot slippery fluid out of my cock-head and rub it around on your nipple.

If you’re just sitting around at the bar, an even better plan would be to take your bottle of Astroglide out of your purse and squirt a little bit on your fingers.

Rub your fingers together. Then rub your fingers on your lips. Close the bottle and put it back in your purse. Wipe fingers on skirt. Look me in the eye. Smile.

This has never actually happened to me, which is probably a good thing because I think my cock would rip right through the front of my pants.

If we chix don’t take his advice, this is what could happen to us. sigh… Well, we can wish for it!

Bacchus has offered lots of evidence supporting his preference for natural breasts. The last was a sad photo of a pretty woman with an awful boob job. Via Daze Reader I learned that men are, er, plumping their penises with silicone too. The awful photographic evidence is hidden behind this link. What kind of guy would prefer psychological sexual stimulation to getting a blow job, or actual sex? Don’t answer that, on second thought, I don’t want to know.

Now, to soothe your tortured eyeballs, here’s something much better, from Fred at Good Shit:

And remember, people: silicone is for computers, not tits and dicks.

In days of yore, when men were men, and pledges were sore….

I went to a blessedly frat-free college, and this picture is way before my time anyway. So I don’t really know if the whole frat-spanking thing was ever real, or is more an artifact of collegiate legend, writ larger in the nostalgic recollections of drunken alumni.

But I figured Aphrodite and the “more pictures of guys” choir would appreciate these young men bent over in their athletic briefs:

Thanks to Spanking Blog.

And now the Nymph and I are off to catch the train for New Orleans. Mardi Gras here we come!