Not — so not — making this up. From the Village Voice:

It is a truth universally acknowledged that Everything Is Funnier With Monkeys. If J. Fred Muggs, Lancelot Link, or zoo-house fecal tossing have taught us anything, it is that every human endeavor is enriched by the addition of a screaming, leg-humping, ass-biting primate. Even, say, sex education. I beg your pardon? you might ask. Clearly you’re not acquainted with the strangest children’s book of the 19th century Sammy Tubbs, the Boy Doctor, and Sponsie, the Troublesome Monkey (1874).

…

It’s a Victorian sex-ed manual. For children. Starring a monkey.

Running this sex blog, I’ve been privileged to read millions of the words people write about the schemes and strategies they use to attract and keep sexual partners. Few writers on the topic manage to be as succinct as Ice Ice Baby, writing at Wax A Chump Like A Candle in the blog section at Bondage.com:

I will have him. Oh yes, I will.

Capture the mind. Feed the belly. Drain the cock.

He’s mine.

Yeah, that about covers the essentials.

From a random thread about the domain name speculation business, this post fragment made me chortle:

I dropped over $300k in the past 6 months building my [domain name] portfolio. and my girlfriend’s not too happy….

Her: “Do you know how big a diamond you could’ve bought instead?”
Me: “Yeah, but the domain name is an investment in my future.”

Doghouse!

About ten months ago I asked:

Does anybody have, or have a link to, a really good high-quality scan of that Spy Magazine cover from 1992 or thereabouts that featured Hillary [Clinton] Photoshopped into an impressive dominatrix outfit?

There was a resounding silence.

Fortunately, The Boss at The Collar Purple had better luck:

I’d still like a really hi-res scan, if anybody’s got one.

Update: It gets better.

Here’s an explicit example of the famous “Shunga” style of 19th Century Japanese art:

Found at this large shunga gallery.

From The Red Sneaker Diaries:

I wasn’t paying attention to him, till I felt him slip what I identified as a spotted banana bean (yellow with brown spots) between my pinkie toe and its neighbour. I smiled slightly as he slipped a cherry red cinnamon bean in the next spot, the selective toe spreading feeling almost intrusive, but in a good way.

I get a lot of odd mail. But this has to be about the lamest message I ever got:

From: “neeeeeeeeeeeed” {xxxxxxxx_xxx@hotmail.com}
To: {bacchus@erosblog.com}
Sent: Wednesday, August 04, 2004 4:35 AM
Subject: i am need

i am need picuters sex                              plezzzzzzzz

Somewhere out there there’s someone who wouldn’t recognize a clue if it ate him.