Ok, enough grotesqueries for one weekend. Time for some beauty:

Oh, yeah, and don’t forget: SLUG-BUG!

I have heard tales that some of the serious body modification guys have suffered foreign objects to be introduced under the skins of their penises, with the purpose and intent of creating small lumpy scars or bumps “for her pleasure”. Well, in the course of a long internet surfing life one eventually sees pictures of almost everything, and now I’ve been sent pictures of this. I cannot suffer the trauma alone, I must share:

As for me, I’d think the girls willing to try it would be way outnumbered by the ones who would shun it as diseased-looking. But perhaps I’ve merely led a sheltered life.

2026 update: A lot of things change in 22 years, my attitudes not least. I wouldn’t make this post today, or not in the same way; it’s far too body-negative by my current editorial standards. What’s more, a good number of the comments wouldn’t survive moderation given the standards I bring to comment moderation in 2026. Sometimes it’s astonishing how fumblingly bad I was at this whole enterprise, back then.

Also, before the internet’s digital dementia gets any worse I went looking for an image credit; turns out this image comes from a site called Slave Sluts that’s been defunct (at least in the form it then existed, though other sites have used the domain since) for about twenty years.

Here’s a “marriage enhancement program” that’s not quite the first thing you would expect to hear from your local church pastor. Spanking Blog has an anecdote involving an unnamed church in Georgia that counsels husbands to spank their wives. Spankings should be “firm but fair, merciful but memorable” and are to be accepted with “grace and dignity”:

About ten years ago we began going to a church here in Georgia that I guess qualifies as “conservative.” New members are encouraged to go through a marriage enhancement program.

Our church only discusses this in private counseling. But basically what they teach is that a husband has not just authority but also responsibility to his wife, and that a wife is to submit to that authority. The most loving think someone with authority can do is discipline the person s/he has authority over. So the most loving thing my husband can do is discipline me when I need it!

Our church offers the following guidelines: a spanking should be firm but fair, merciful but memorable. What that means is:

firm – to do what is promised. If I’m SUPPOSED to get spanked for something, I get it. If I’m supposed to get 10, I get 10.

fair – a level of discipline that matches the offence.

merciful – not mean spirited. not in anger.

memorable – a spanking that will come to mind the next time I think about doing whatever it was again.

The church also offers the advice that a woman should be able to accept discipline with “grace and dignity.” When my husband tells me I’m getting one, I am supposed to behave well about it. When the spanking actually comes, I am supposed to do what is expected of me and obey the instructions he gives me.

But don’t get this wrong, it isn’t supposed to be just another ancient remnant of joyless patriarchal privilege. They intend for it to lead to hot monkey lovin’, as everybody knows a good spousal spanking is inclined to do:

Is any of this sexual? Or erotic? Definitely! And our church acknowledges that. We don’t feel like there’s a contradiction in that. And sex almost always follows.

Who woulda thunk it?

A neat bit of erotic art:

“Sophisticated persons masturbate without compunction. They do it for reasons of health, privacy, thrift and because of the remarkable perfection of invisible partners.”

— P. J. O’Rourke

Philip at Hot Action has the most entertaining difficulties at times:

Another set of handcuffs broke on me. Don’t make ’em like they used to.

Resourcefulness comes in handy at times like these. I reached over and pulled the leather belt out of my pants.

Tied around your wrist, looped through a railing of the headboard and secured to the one working cuff….

I’m sure there is an entirely proper religious explanation for this sort of thing:

But I’m not sure I want to know what it is. Some things are more fun when you can just shake your head and ogle.

Thanks to Naked Protesters for the picture.