“Sophisticated persons masturbate without compunction. They do it for reasons of health, privacy, thrift and because of the remarkable perfection of invisible partners.”

— P. J. O’Rourke

Philip at Hot Action has the most entertaining difficulties at times:

Another set of handcuffs broke on me. Don’t make ’em like they used to.

Resourcefulness comes in handy at times like these. I reached over and pulled the leather belt out of my pants.

Tied around your wrist, looped through a railing of the headboard and secured to the one working cuff….

I’m sure there is an entirely proper religious explanation for this sort of thing:

But I’m not sure I want to know what it is. Some things are more fun when you can just shake your head and ogle.

Thanks to Naked Protesters for the picture.

Here’s a quick digital snapshot of a portion of a Scotch whiskey ad from Forbes Magazine. Ignore the damned deer for a second. What’s your first impression? Pot stills? Or a vigorous butt-fucking?

There’s no way you can convince me the photographer didn’t frame this shot with lust in his heart.

From the Onion, a link forwarded by a dear friend:

National Endowment For The Arts And Crafts Criticised For Funding Giant Macrame Penis

KANSAS CITY, MO Republican lawmakers and conservative religious groups blasted the National Endowment For The Arts & Crafts Tuesday, claiming that the organization has allocated federal funds for “obscene crafts.”

Above: Kahle’s work hangs at the National Gallery Of Arts & Crafts.
The $15,000 grant in question was awarded last October to Detroit arts & craftsman Albert Kahle, 39, for a nine-foot macrame penis titled “Father (By Mother),” which is currently part of the Macramazement! exhibit at the prestigious National Gallery Of Arts and Crafts in Kansas City, MO.
…
The macrame-work phallus comprises three discrete elements: testicles, shaft, and head. The testicles are knotted in Double Alternating Lark’s Head style and decorated with black maple beads. The shaft of the penis, knotted of Tammy’s Hemp Cord in flesh tone, is embellished with subtle strands of Half-Knot sinnet cord in light blue and Amy’s Cord in pale lavender. The head, the most detailed portion of the work, is embellished with a spray of silver glitter.

“[2003 NEAC grant recipient] Terrence Colwell’s macaroni ‘Crown Of Thorns’ was bad enough,” DeLay said. “But an enormous phallus made out of colorful, child-safe materials that anyone could buy at the craft store? It’s way over the line.”

This is not the first time an NEAC grant has sparked controversy. Last year, a vocal group of citizens appeared before Congress to protest government funding of C.F. Littman’s “Piss-Soaked God’s Eye,” and in 2002, the NEAC received more than 10,000 letters of complaint over the grant it awarded Rachel Delancey for her shellacked driftwood clitoris “Found It… In The Sea.”

There’s more, but that’s as far as I got before I started howling with laughter.

Hey, isn’t it getting along toward springtime? With, like, flowers and stuff?

Yeah, I thought so.

If you look at very much porn, you’ll know there’s a sort of extreme genre out there these days that involves a lot of over-the-top aggression and degrading grossness, including in various mixes things like face-slapping, spitting, shoving girls’ heads in toilets while shoving other stuff up their orifices, and so forth. It’s mostly not for me. So I was entertained when Eden wrote:

I’ve been forced to gag by having a cock pushed down my throat during rough sex and BDSM scenes. It was unpleasant, but that was part of the mood of the moment, and as such it was incredibly exciting. But a whole site (and there are several now) devoted to fucking a woman’s mouth so hard and deep that she vomits around the cock… and he keeps going? I certainly won’t say it should be banned — to each his own — but I’d pay to see those women allowed to force cucumbers down the throats of the men who had just been using them.

So would I. “Max Hardcore Vegetable Revenge” anyone?