Lilith always makes me giggle when she describes the way she blows off steam with her female friends and vents about her complicated relationship life:

Last night, Nic and I got together after work for a drink over food at the Rose & Raindrop…. The general theme of the evening seemed to be “Boys are stupid; throw rocks at them!”

Unfortunately our male stupidity isn’t always so entertaining. Longtime readers of DeeGee Girl will remember BoyFriend (BF for short), and will have been jealous of the way she, and sometimes her friend CutePal, treated him like a prince — nay, like a sultan. This is the thanks she gets — a ridiculous and self- contradictory breakup speech of the “let’s just be friends” variety:

He said I was his best friend, that he was probably making a huge mistake and that I was the one that had his heart.

That he didn’t want to hurt me and his kids a year from now when he and I would break up.

That he didn’t want to get into another marriage.

That he could only handle the type of loose relationship we had this summer.

That he was doing all this for me — cause he didn’t want to hurt me.

That once in his life he was doing the right thing.

That he knew he would regret it.

Dumb ass.

Finally, and at the risk of making people queasy, I had my own moment of stupidity this weekend. I hurt The Nymph’s feelings by saying “if you come and visit” instead of “when you come and visit”. It wasn’t even a conscious thing – is it ever? – but it certainly wasn’t the smartest thing I’ve ever said. Fortunately I believe she forgave me. When she comes to visit, I’ll find a way to make it up to her.

So recently The Nymph was telling me some anecdote about a male friend of hers whose wife only agrees to have sex with him on his birthday. You know the marriage is dead when you’re down to birthday sex.

Which makes this story pretty sad:

My birthday is in about 3 weeks and she asked what I wanted and aside from a Drum set and a kitten I told her I wanted a blow job. She laughed at me and said that a) the neighbors would just LOVE a drum set 2) I can’t have a kitten because she’s allergic to cats and c) “Yeah, whatever”. So then I said I’d like to have sex with my wife on my birthday and she said “Come on! I’m serious!”

Whatever she’s serious about, it ain’t the marriage….

Here’s an amusing picture that looks a lot like a wedding reception (or more likely, a bridal shower or bachelorette party) gone wild:

The picture is courtesy of Bondage Blog.

Amazing. Enough to make a praying man out of me. Talk about an argument from design!

I’m not a nice man. Last night I had to tell her I got shipping confirmation on that toy order.

I may need to put up a .wav file of her saying “Pretty please? Pretty pretty please?” It’s worth hearing. I never knew I could be so heartless – or that I would enjoy it so much!

In other news, I have considered sending VTECH a stern letter of complaint about the way their cordless phone’s battery craps out after a mere seven hours or so. I have restrained myself to date only because I’m not sure I could withstand their hoots of helpless laughter.

Update: The .wav file is now linked.

She still wants to know what toys I ordered. She says her curiousity is killing her.

Being resolute has never been so much fun. She’s begun trying to bargain. I love keeping her wondering, so I’m holding out for a price I don’t think she’s going to pay. Namely, her permission to publish a certain picture she was kind enough to send me.

She came up with that idea, but backed off when I asked if she was sure. Give her time. She’s really curious.

I may go to hell for this, but I’ll go happy.

Belle De Jour continues to delight. This made me hoot with laughter:

He: “What can I do to make you come?”

Me: “It’s very complicated. We’d be here all night.”

“That sounds ideal.”

“Yes, but do you have a drill press and six goats? Also, the planets are not in the correct alignment.”

“Fair dues. I’ll know for next time.”